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i think its both the families day AND the brides day
do you have children? busy career? there are alot of things that need to happen when arranging a wedding and maybe she didnt want to stress you too much with tasks
I'm guessing that she is closer to her friends than she is to you? It sucks, but not everybody automatically makes their sister their MOH. I've had quite a few friends NOT do that and it all went over fine.
maybe she felt akward because you did not choose her to be the maid of honor and is holding some sort of grudge. i personally would be hurt if my sister didn't choose me to be maid of honor as well... luckily i only have one sister so we both never will have to make that decision.
I am one that happens to think it is the brides day ... yes you are celebrating unity and the bride and groom coming together with each others family, but initially ... it's the brides day.(and the grooms haha)
You should ultimately be happy for her and treasure that she is including you! It's not a requirement.
Ok, let me get this straight.
2 Years ago you chose NOT to have a MOH. Which in essence is asking your sisters to be just Bm's.
Now, she has decided to have MOH(s) and is asking you to be a bridesmaid THE EXACT SAME POSITION YOU PUT HER IN and you're pissed?
Me thinks you need to rethink your logic.
I was MOH for one of my sisters and bridesmaid for the other... In both cases I was just happy for my sisters and wanting to support them in their marriages. I hope you are able to get past this and put it aside for your sister's sake. I'm sorry it hurt your feelings, but you don't have to let it fester... Acknowledge how you feel and try to move on with a brave face!
I'm not sure I see the connection between it's the day of unity and love...... and your felt 'right' to be MOH.
I understand feeling hurt, but I'm sure she didn't make this decision flippantly. If you're really devastated, you should talk to her about it, but don't expect her to change her mind. You had your wedding and got to make your choices, because your wedding was about YOU. Now it's her wedding, her turn, HER choices.
I don't have any sisters so I have a friend as my MOH. She is my only bridesmaid. However, I don't think sisters automatically make the cut as a MOH...I mean if I had a sister and I wasn't really close to her, I don't know what I would do. But the fact that you say you have another sister and she is only considering having her as a BM really gets to me. I mean if she is having one sister, why not both? I say either all or none, but that's just my opinion.
I understand being hurt about not being asked to be a MOH but I would say just be happy for your sister. After all it is HER wedding, even though it is a celebration of families coming together, she is the one that get's to make the choices about what role you all play in her wedding. You did things differently and that was your decision to make.
I feel the need to defend myself. I'm the youngest of three sisters and my oldest sister got married two years ago. My middle sister and I were her "attendants" basically did all the work of MOH but the ceremony was just family anyway, so we didn't have to do the whole matching dress thing. My other sister got married last year and I was her MOH and our oldest sister was just a BM. Ten minutes before the ceremony, my oldest sister threw a HUGE fit which was really embarassing.
When I got engaged, I knew right away that my oldest would NOT be a BM. My middle sister is my MOH and the oldest is doing a reading. Initially her feelings were hurt, but ultimately its about who knows you and supports you best. My sister, as much as I lover her (and I do!), stresses me out. I don't want that on our big day!
So, that being said...it's not that your sister doesn't love you or loves you any less--but think of it as her way of taking care of herself for the big day. The best thing you can do is get over it, because letting it bottle up will only end poorly. :(
bleh...how selfish. seriously?
I didnt ask either of my sisters or my husbands sister to be in the wedding. so what? because we're related they're obligated to be BMs, MOHs, etc? And really, youre making a big fuss b/c you are a BM and not the MOH. its just a title. yesh. feel lucky she invited you to even be a part of the wedding. remember its not required. and i hope you arent showing her this crappy attitude and are just venting on the boards.
I am sorry you're hurt. I guess I can kind of see where you're coming from, there was no question for me that I would have my two sisters in my bridal party. But I had my best friend, who I have grown up with since we were 10 and knows ALL of my secrets (unlike my two sisters) be my MOH.
I think every woman views the role of MOH differently (I for example don't think splitting the role is something I could do). For me, I veiwed it as the person who knows me best, and that is my best friend. I love my sisters but they don't know the details of all the crushes I've had, the wild nights in high school and college, getting worried over possible pregnancy or things like that. Some people are best friends with their sister(s), I get that, so that makes sense. But I don't think that just because you are sisters automatically means you should be MOH.
I can see why you're upset. Are you guys really close? How about the other sister? I have to agree that I think it's really weird she will have you and not your other sister. Someone I "know" (via facebook) did this and I thought it was really really weird.
I wouldn't be too offended about the MOH thing though. It's her choice and it doesn't necessarily need to be family. :) If it really is bothering you though, you should talk to her. She probably doesn't even realize since you didn't have her as your MOH.
I am sorry you are hurt an you can not help your feelings!
I don't feel that anyone should be obligated to choose a MOH or a BM and you feel that you should have been her MOH because you are her sister not because you are her best friend. I am assuming that she is a lot closer with her two girlfriends than she is with you.
I personally am glad that I do not have any sister and my FI doesn't have any sisters because I do not have obligation to have anyone in my wedding party and was free to choose who I wanted!
Do you not want your sister to have who she wants in her wedding party and as her maid of honour as opposed to choosing you out of obligation?
I understand that it hurts knowing that she chose her friends over you but I think that you need to think about it from her point of view!
My Twin sister didn't pick me as her maid of honor when she got married, and I was hurt, too. I still asked her to be my MOH. Just think about how your sister feels-she moght not even get to be in the wedding party.
i'm sorry that you're feeling hurt.
i have chosen my MOH for my wedding next year, and it is not my sister, nor my FSIL. in fact, my FI and i have decided that we want a small bridal party, and so only a MOH and a best man. my sister is 7 years younger than me, and so we are very different and perhaps not as close as siblings who are closer in age. also, my sister is in her final year of high school and so really really needs to focus on her studies. my FSIL has special needs (and sorry if it sounds rude) and as part of her needs, she is immature and is often rude, in that she says the wrong things at the wrong time and doesn't realise that she's wrong. as i am a bride who feels that it is my (and my FI's) special day, i just don't want the added stress of taking care of my FSIL.
on the other hand, my MOH is someone who i have known since i was 11 and she's my best friend. like mskalinin, this is someone who knows me well and who i share my closest secrets to.
I was a BM in a wedding once where the bride wanted her best friend since childhood to be the MOH but her little sister pitched a hissy fit about "only" being a BM, so the poor bride "promoted" her to be a co-MOH. She didn't take on any of the responsibilities, and actually made life harder for the "real" MOH because she now had to do all of the work and ensure that the bratty sister MOH felt like she was being respected as MOH (whatever that means). The bratty sister just wanted the "glory" - and attention - of being MOH and really had no intention of actually making life easier for her big sister (which is probably why she wasn't initially chosen to be MOH). By the time the wedding came around, everyone had just about had it with the sister, including the bride.
Please don't be that girl. Just allow your sister to enjoy her wedding; if you love her and have her best interests at heart you should respect her decisions.
You said it once, "it is her choice to make." Period. You made your choice and while it might suck that her choice now isn't the same as you would have/did do, she has every right to make it. Maybe things have changed and she doesn't feel as close to you as before. Maybe you have a strained relationship (I hope you don't show her this attitude in real life), none of us knows but we can say this: every bride gets the chance to have their wedding. You had yours so let it go now.
If I wasn't close with my sister, she wouldn't be my MOH. But because my sister really tries to be close with me and vice versa, she is. She deserves the title.
Its her wedding. I am going through the same situation with my wedding. My sister (27) and I (25) are not close at all. We have two different personalities and views on things. I love her but I do not want her as my MOH. I know she is going to be hurt, she is my only sister, but I would rather have someone who isn't giong to stress me out and someone who is going to help me. I actually have 2 MOHs (My BF from college and my other friend) and 1 Man of Honor (My best male friend).
The bride gets to choose her wedding party. End of story. I don't really see how you could possibly be this offended by it considering you didn't make her your MOH either! Just because you opted not to have one, that doesn't make it any different than not choosing her as your MOH. That was a cop-out so you didn't have to not choose her. If you feel so strongly about the fact that, as her sister, you should have been automatically chosen as MOH, then there should have been no doubt in your mind for your own wedding that she would be yours and you didn't do that.
To me Family comes first, so when it came down to picking attendents, I asked all of my sisters (3 and 1 step) to be in the wedding with the two oldest sisters being my MOHs. My SIL was also my bridesmaid. I didn't even think twice about asking them to all be in the wedding, even considering I have 4 BFs that have been in my life for over 10 years (they were BMs too). I can completely understand why you would be hurt. I guess every family is different, but how I look at things is that Family is always there for you and friends come and go. I know every family is different, but that is just the way our Family is, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I understand where you are coming from. I am the youngest of three girls and all of us had our sisters as co-MOHs, but we are all close as both sisters and friends. If I were not close with my sisters, I would have chosen differently. I wanted to be surrounded by unconditional love and support on my wedding day. My sisters provide that for me, but for some people it comes more from friends than family. Family can be the best thing, and they can be frustrating. All we can do is take a deep breath and roll with it.
I think you should change your point of view and look at it in terms of being happy that you were even asked to be a BM. Choosing a MOH is totally a personal decision and family shouldn't win out over friends if the bride is actually closer to the friends.
I can relate though, when my sister got engaged I was VERY emotional over her decision making process to choose a MOH, which she actually included me in eventually. She was originally going to choose her best friend b/c she thought when I got engaged I would choose my best friend, but I told her that was crazy and it was always going to be her. We decided together to have each other (and our other sister) be MOH's for our weddings.
But since your sister has already decided, best not to rock the boat and just seriously be happy that you are a BM. Imagine how you would feel if she hadn't asked! Not that you will be getting back at her, but now you don't really have to lead the charge with all the planning, just show up at the shower and bach party with whatever items they ask you to bring.
My twin sister picked me for her MOH. I didn't pick her. If she was mad, she didn't let on.
I'm sorry you're hurt, but it seems like your sister is doing the exact same thing you did.
I have to agree that if you didn't choose her as a MOH, then it's kind of selfish to be upset over not choosing you to be her MOH. I know you didn't want to make the distinction, and she did by choosing friends, but you are each in the same role for each others' weddings.
I think it's important to consider the significance of having friends for 11 years. I don't know many people who have friends that they are still close to (close enough to ask to be a MOH) for that long. Personality also plays a role, and there may be a reason why she didn't choose you to be her MOH.
I chose my sister and my step-sister as my "best girls". While my sister is my best friend now, I didn't want to make the distinction. But if I felt that either wouldn't be supportive or would cause stress on the wedding day, I wouldn't have chosen them. I wanted to be around those who will love and support me, and really help me through the stress and nerves of getting ready.
Your sister should have chosen who ever she wanted, and family does not automatically trump best friends.
I'm sorry you're hurt, but you are standing up there with her, offering her your love and support on her big day. I'm sure she didn't make the decision lightly.
I'm with Miss Saphire - You're being very hypocritical. In my own opinion, family does not trump friends, nor do friends trump family - It depends on the relationship. Same goes for the groom - he gets to choose his best man based on his relationships. I did not choose my stepsister for my wedding b/c we are not close at all. My groom picked his brother to be in the party, but not as the best man because they are completely different people (yet still care about each other).
As MrsFutureMorgan said, I really hope you can just acknowledge how you feel and then put it away. I agree this probably wasn't a flippant decision, and I too hope you don't show her this negative attitude about HER wedding. You asessed your situation for your wedding and made YOUR decision. Now its their day and her turn, so let her have it.
Looloo You stated- I got married two years ago and decided not to have a maid of honor because I didn't want to choose between my sisters and didn't want a friend to do it. My bridesmaids were family (2 sisters and 2 cousins).
Well...it was your choice not to have an maid of honor...This might have hurt your sisters but its not about their feeling it was about you, right? I think that your sister has the choice to make anyone maid of honor she would like to. When I get married my sisters will not be my maid of honor...My bestie and godmother of my son will be...I love my sisters but I love my bestie as if she were my sister. You cannot really expect your sister to make you a maid of honor just because you are her sister...thats simply not fair to her...
I'm sorry you are hurt by her decision, but I have to say that I understand why she is doing what she is. I have 2 sisters also, but i am having my one of my friends be my MOH, my sisters are just BM. They both totally understand, and neither of them would choose one sister of another to be a MOH. We will just be BMs. And you have to realize also that you didn't have her as a MOH. And it is her day to choose who she wants to stand up for her and under what title. Thats part of what she is entitled to as a bride.
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My older sister just got engaged (30). I (27) am truely happy for her. I got married two years ago and decided not to have a maid of honor because I didn't want to choose between my sisters and didn't want a friend to do it. My bridesmaids were family (2 sisters and 2 cousins).
My sister has just asked me to be a bridesmaid and told me that 2 of her friends are going to be her maids of honor. And maybe she will include my other sister as a bridesmaid. I am hurt.
I have read many posts relating to this and I feel I need to clarify something. It is not the BRIDES the day. It is a day celebrating the unity of the couple.
If my sister wants her friends to split the MOH, that is her choice to make but I still remain hurt and disappointed.
Yes she may have known them for 11 years, but I have been her sister for 27yrs. I will always be her sister, she can not say the same about her friends. I just implore you brides that are making these decisions to really think about it.