Post # 1
My older sister just got engaged (30). I (27) am truely happy for her. I got married two years ago and decided not to have a maid of honor because I didn’t want to choose between my sisters and didn’t want a friend to do it. My bridesmaids were family (2 sisters and 2 cousins).
My sister has just asked me to be a bridesmaid and told me that 2 of her friends are going to be her maids of honor. And maybe she will include my other sister as a bridesmaid. I am hurt.
I have read many posts relating to this and I feel I need to clarify something. It is not the BRIDES the day. It is a day celebrating the unity of the couple.
If my sister wants her friends to split the MOH, that is her choice to make but I still remain hurt and disappointed.
Yes she may have known them for 11 years, but I have been her sister for 27yrs. I will always be her sister, she can not say the same about her friends. I just implore you brides that are making these decisions to really think about it.
Post # 3
i think its both the families day AND the brides day
do you have children? busy career? there are alot of things that need to happen when arranging a wedding and maybe she didnt want to stress you too much with tasks
Post # 4
I’m guessing that she is closer to her friends than she is to you? It sucks, but not everybody automatically makes their sister their MOH. I’ve had quite a few friends NOT do that and it all went over fine.
Post # 5
maybe she felt akward because you did not choose her to be the maid of honor and is holding some sort of grudge. i personally would be hurt if my sister didn’t choose me to be maid of honor as well… luckily i only have one sister so we both never will have to make that decision.
Post # 6
I am one that happens to think it is the brides day … yes you are celebrating unity and the bride and groom coming together with each others family, but initially … it’s the brides day.(and the grooms haha)
You should ultimately be happy for her and treasure that she is including you! It’s not a requirement.
Post # 7
Ok, let me get this straight.
2 Years ago you chose NOT to have a MOH. Which in essence is asking your sisters to be just Bm’s.
Now, she has decided to have MOH(s) and is asking you to be a bridesmaid THE EXACT SAME POSITION YOU PUT HER IN and you’re pissed?
Me thinks you need to rethink your logic.
Post # 8
I was MOH for one of my sisters and bridesmaid for the other… In both cases I was just happy for my sisters and wanting to support them in their marriages. I hope you are able to get past this and put it aside for your sister’s sake. I’m sorry it hurt your feelings, but you don’t have to let it fester… Acknowledge how you feel and try to move on with a brave face!
Post # 9
I’m not sure I see the connection between it’s the day of unity and love…… and your felt ‘right’ to be MOH.
I understand feeling hurt, but I’m sure she didn’t make this decision flippantly. If you’re really devastated, you should talk to her about it, but don’t expect her to change her mind. You had your wedding and got to make your choices, because your wedding was about YOU. Now it’s her wedding, her turn, HER choices.
Post # 10
I don’t have any sisters so I have a friend as my MOH. She is my only bridesmaid. However, I don’t think sisters automatically make the cut as a MOH…I mean if I had a sister and I wasn’t really close to her, I don’t know what I would do. But the fact that you say you have another sister and she is only considering having her as a BM really gets to me. I mean if she is having one sister, why not both? I say either all or none, but that’s just my opinion.
I understand being hurt about not being asked to be a MOH but I would say just be happy for your sister. After all it is HER wedding, even though it is a celebration of families coming together, she is the one that get’s to make the choices about what role you all play in her wedding. You did things differently and that was your decision to make.
Post # 11
I feel the need to defend myself. I’m the youngest of three sisters and my oldest sister got married two years ago. My middle sister and I were her “attendants” basically did all the work of MOH but the ceremony was just family anyway, so we didn’t have to do the whole matching dress thing. My other sister got married last year and I was her MOH and our oldest sister was just a BM. Ten minutes before the ceremony, my oldest sister threw a HUGE fit which was really embarassing.
When I got engaged, I knew right away that my oldest would NOT be a BM. My middle sister is my MOH and the oldest is doing a reading. Initially her feelings were hurt, but ultimately its about who knows you and supports you best. My sister, as much as I lover her (and I do!), stresses me out. I don’t want that on our big day!
So, that being said…it’s not that your sister doesn’t love you or loves you any less–but think of it as her way of taking care of herself for the big day. The best thing you can do is get over it, because letting it bottle up will only end poorly. 🙁
Post # 12
bleh…how selfish. seriously?
I didnt ask either of my sisters or my husbands sister to be in the wedding. so what? because we’re related they’re obligated to be BMs, MOHs, etc? And really, youre making a big fuss b/c you are a BM and not the MOH. its just a title. yesh. feel lucky she invited you to even be a part of the wedding. remember its not required. and i hope you arent showing her this crappy attitude and are just venting on the boards.
Post # 13
I am sorry you’re hurt. I guess I can kind of see where you’re coming from, there was no question for me that I would have my two sisters in my bridal party. But I had my best friend, who I have grown up with since we were 10 and knows ALL of my secrets (unlike my two sisters) be my MOH.
I think every woman views the role of MOH differently (I for example don’t think splitting the role is something I could do). For me, I veiwed it as the person who knows me best, and that is my best friend. I love my sisters but they don’t know the details of all the crushes I’ve had, the wild nights in high school and college, getting worried over possible pregnancy or things like that. Some people are best friends with their sister(s), I get that, so that makes sense. But I don’t think that just because you are sisters automatically means you should be MOH.
Post # 14
I can see why you’re upset. Are you guys really close? How about the other sister? I have to agree that I think it’s really weird she will have you and not your other sister. Someone I “know” (via facebook) did this and I thought it was really really weird.
I wouldn’t be too offended about the MOH thing though. It’s her choice and it doesn’t necessarily need to be family. 🙂 If it really is bothering you though, you should talk to her. She probably doesn’t even realize since you didn’t have her as your MOH.
Post # 15
I am sorry you are hurt an you can not help your feelings!
I don’t feel that anyone should be obligated to choose a MOH or a BM and you feel that you should have been her MOH because you are her sister not because you are her best friend. I am assuming that she is a lot closer with her two girlfriends than she is with you.
I personally am glad that I do not have any sister and my FI doesn’t have any sisters because I do not have obligation to have anyone in my wedding party and was free to choose who I wanted!
Do you not want your sister to have who she wants in her wedding party and as her maid of honour as opposed to choosing you out of obligation?
I understand that it hurts knowing that she chose her friends over you but I think that you need to think about it from her point of view!
Post # 16
My Twin sister didn’t pick me as her maid of honor when she got married, and I was hurt, too. I still asked her to be my MOH. Just think about how your sister feels-she moght not even get to be in the wedding party.