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@daydreamwanderer: I second this, how old will the baby be at the time of the wedding?
@mariposa_bride: Why does she want to bring the baby, and why do you not want her to?
Also, how old is the baby? If it's not even a month old, I personally would not leave my baby with a sitter.
I also think it depends on how old the baby is. I wouldn't want to leave my baby with a sitter if it were less than a few months old.
4 Months old... I prefer her not to even if she brings someone to watch it. I'll need lot of help from my MOH on the wedding day and I know how easily distracted a mom can be by her new baby.
Also, is your wedding local to your MOH, or will she have to travel?
@mariposa_bride: Are there any other bridesmaids that can help you on your day? Any other people you can ask? Four months old is still very, very little.
Also, if your MOH is nursing, keep in mind that if the baby is not there, she will still have to take time out to pump.
Local like 15 minutes from her home and she has lots of family in the area willing to watch her baby.
@mariposa_bride: Your date says 2012, so I'm assuming that your MOH is currently expecting. I'd consider asking her if she would be comfortable leaving the baby with a sitter or relative when the time comes. However, I'd also be sure to let her know how excited you are for her and to promise her that you'll be there for her when the baby comes. At 4 months old she may be open to a sitter, but I think that she'll want to know that this big upcoming moment in her life is as important to you as your wedding is to her.
A 4 month old is tricky, Is she still nursing? And if you didn't want your MOH to be distracted by her baby on her wedding day, it would have been easier to choose a MOH that wasn't pregnant. It's not all about you, even though it is your wedding day. Everyone has lives outside of your wedding, and unfortunately a mother's first priority is her child. I honestly don't know what I would do in this situation, have you talked to her about it at all to see how she feels about it?
Is she breastfeeding? I would probably consider dropping out of a wedding if it meant I would have to leave one that young for so long.
HMMM, I have mixed feelings on this.would want my four month old with me during the reception and probably want to feed before the ceremony.
In all reality is there that much to be done the day of that a baby with a babysitter would take away from your day? There will be so many other people around in the end I don't really think it would be a problem.
@cubicalmouse good point! This is a hard subject, I had a feeling it would be rude to ask her not too and it's nice to have other opionions...makes it much easier!
I wouldn't ask a mom to leave a four month old at home. What do you need her to do? I would ask other people to help out as she may be busy with the baby.
@Cappugcino: Ditto. My sister who is also my MOH just found out she is expecting and her baby will be about 7 months. We are not having children (except her son our RB who will be 6), and we especially dont want babies. I told her she could bring the baby for other wedding weeekend events but she would have to have someone watching the baby in the hotel during the ceremony and reception and she promised to fully perform her MOH duties, including staying until the end of the reception.
I'm a mother of TWO and there's no way I'd appreciate being told that if I brought my infant, my presence wouldn't be welcomed AT ALL.
First, that's rude and, in my opinion, slightly bridezilla-ish. You chose her knowing she'd have an infant. And you expect her to be happy that you're saying she can't be around said child (her first, I'm betting) on the day of while you get ready.
Sure, she can leave the baby home. BUT she'd still be distracted calling frequently and worrying/thinking about her baby.
Also, I'd like to mention hormones. If you say this to her now, she might just flip out on you and the friendship could flatline. (aka DIE.) OR, she might take it in stride. And then change her mind after the baby's born and decide to drop out completely because she doesn't want to spend the entire day away from baby.
Yes, it's your day, but as PP's said: it's not JUST your day. Other people's lives have to be accounted for and respected as well.
I would ask her not to bring the baby to the ceremony at least. The reception will be loud and the baby can blend in. As the MOH she deserves to give you her full attention for the ceremony. The thought of having a baby at the ceremony that could possibly act up makes me cringe. Doesn't matter who's baby it is to me, its just not fair to you as the bride to have that possible distraction. After the ceremony, maybe the sitter could bring the baby by so she doesn't have to leave.
@Zinzerena: Thank you for your input... If she brought her baby she would definatley be welcomed she is my best friend and I would never do anything to upset her. Hence this poll. I asked her to be my MOH prior to her finding out that she was expecting and she had mentioned bringing her baby to the wedding and I was unsure what to think of it.
@mariposa_bride: Just let her do her thing, bring the baby. You'll probably get lots of cute pictures with the baby, and you can say, "There you are with Auntie Mariposa on her wedding day!!" I honestly wouldn't make a big deal out of the whole thing.
I think you should let her bring the baby to the reception, but as for the pre-ceremony and ceremony itself I think she should leave the baby with a sitter/family member. You could even compromise further and have the baby at the ceremony, too, that way you at least get the help you need beforehand with your MOH, and your MOH still has baby time. Through out the day though, I suggest that you spread the MOH responsibilities to another bridesmaid or friend attendant. This will help alleviate some of the demands of your MOH and still keep you at ease knowing everything is covered. Even if the baby isn't there, she may have to take a call about the baby on her cellphone, or might be otherwise distracted (a new baby must be on a mother's mind lots!). If you've delegated responsibilities elsewhere you won't be frustrated waiting for your MOH to be more attentive.
Are the MOH's husband/parents going to be there? The baby could sit with them, she'll be standing next to you anyway... Then she could get ready with you, her mom/dad could head over to the ceremony and you guys could arrive together and walk down the aisle. If you really don't want the baby at the ceremony, I would probably ask her if she has someone she feels the most comfortable with watching the baby (if the baby's father or grandparents are not around) then accomodate that person to watch the baby nearby. If it's a church wedding they will probably have some kind of playroom, in a hotel maybe the sitter could even just stay in the MOH's room with the baby? I'm sure she has some portable sleepers she could bring. Ultimately it's her child and her decision so the best you can do is talk it over with her and see what she's comfortable with.
The biggest issue here will be breastfeeding. If the baby isn't on site, she will need a place to pump, store the milk etc. At 4 months the baby might not even be on a bottle yet. It's impossible to guess what the exact situation will be at the time. Best solution is to let her bring baby with her husband/FI and keep him on baby duty except for feedings. Getting ready time-end of reception is an entire day and a really long time to leave a 4 month old completely.
I would say let her bring the baby. As a new mother she will probably be preoccupied with wanting to know all is well with the baby, and for your own sanity, its probably best for her to bring baby along. One of my BMs has 2 kids and they are both coming along. On day of wedding they will be with their dad, but she will have the opportunity to check on them on and off
One of my BM's will have a 4 month old at our wedding. As a parent myself, I would never dream of seperating her, or asking her to not bring the baby, even if we had a no kids wedding (which is why we opted to include children as we have many youngsters in our extended family and friends). However, I have also invited her mom, who has happily agreed to come as the baby's watcher during the ceremony and reception. My BM's mom will be with us all morning getting ready, have baby during the ceremony, and come with us for pictures so my BM can breastfeed as needed. And you know what, if things should happen the BM needs to go to the baby at any point, I'm ok with that. A baby's needs are paramount to mine as a bride. I have my man, future husband, and that's all I really need to make it perfect!
My best friend let me bring my one year old to her wedding. My husband watched the baby during the ceremony and reception. The baby wasn't there while we were all getting ready, so I was able to focus on just helping the bride. And she didn't make a peep the entire ceremony or reception (4 hours). She slept the entire time.
I adore my best friend, but I would really question what kind of person she was if she had asked me not to bring my DD. And I would have stepped down as a BM.
Like PPs have said, if she's BFing, she'll probably have to step aside to pump at some point before the wedding so she doesn't leak during the ceremony. I don't see how it's any different than needing a bathroom break. No one is going to ask all their BMs to hold their bladders the entire day of their wedding either.
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My Maid of Honor wants to bring her new born baby to the wedding. Is it selfish to ask her not to?