(Closed) Maid of Honor complete flaked, won’t chip in for Bridal Shower Costs.

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
12893 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, it seems like the Maid/Matron of Honor is way in the wrong, but I don’t think you should make the bride pay for something that clearly wasn’t her fault.

Other thoughts:

(1) You’re right, $250 is not a small amount, but the money issue between you and the Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t be the bride’s issue, either.  You agreed to front all of that money, and you should have been aware of the potential that you wouldn’t get paid back.  Never loan any money that you can’t afford to lose.  The bride has enough stress without hearing her BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor bickering about money and her shower.  I’m sure it’s stressing her out even more.

(2) SHE’S THE BRIDE.  That means, she picks the dress.  If my BMs “begged” me about anything, I’d get annoyed.  While she should have allowed you to put on spaghetti straps or something…she’s the bride.  They are her pictures.  And let’s be 100% honest here, no one ever re-wears a BMs dress.  I’ve got a bunch in my closet right now, and I actually do go to formal black tie events a lot, so I’ve had the opportunity. 

(3) You’re obviously still upset about this fight, and it seems like neither of you got over it. 

(4) To be frank, this whole thing makes you sound like a martyr.  You were a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and you threw a shower.  It was gracious of you.  It sucks no one else offered to do it, but since you decided to take on the responsibility, then you took on the cost.  I’m also a little confused about how you said you were splitting the cost 5 ways (so $100/person) – if these other women never volunteered to help.

It sounds like the wedding is over.  If it is, you should cut your losses and get over it.  Obviously the Maid/Matron of Honor has no intention of paying you, and bugging the bride about it is only going to hurt your relationship with her further.  Sorry 🙁

Post # 4
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like a crappy situation, but there isn’t much you can do now. Continuing to think about it isn’t going to do you any good, I hope you can move on. Best of luck!

Post # 6
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m confused about the five ways thing as well. Did the bridesmaids tell you you would be splitting it five ways or did you assume. I’m not talking about the moh but the other girls.

Post # 7
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t see how you are acting like a victim at all. I’d probably just cut your losses and move on thoigh. I’m sorry all that happened, I’ve been there and done that. 

Post # 9
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Remember how you said you’d regret not participating in the wedding in 10 years? 

I have a hunch that you won’t care about the money 10 years from now, only that you gave your bride a lovely shower. I hope she remembers that and cherishes the memory.

It really sucks that Maid/Matron of Honor was such an ass about it, but let’s be honest, hunting down money from verbal agreements is like pulling teeth. 

Perhaps you could send her an email saying “We had a verbal agreement that we were sharing costs. I am not trying to sound insensitive, but I used some of my book money on the wedding, and I’m afraid my budget is way too tight to ignore that much money. I am willing to take installments.” 

OR something to that effect. Sugar, not salt. I would honestly not expect it, but it’s worth a shot.

Post # 10
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Moral of story is- don’t assume anything. Makes sure all parties know what they are responsible for and how much $ they are expected to give.

Also, you can sue. You would file in the state the incident took place or where you live, if they aren’t the same place… Hell, those judge shows on TV are always looking for cases. File, then take your case there and save your evidence.

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