Maid of Honor Distress

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Ok if the dress appointments are for her dress then she shouldn’t be skipping out on those. As for the bridal expo, she does not have to attend with you. She told you she was planning a 2015 wedding, she is having a 2015 wedding. 2 months is more than enough time between weddings! Your FI is very very wrong, don’t dump her as MOH, and therefore dump the friendship, just because she is having her wedding on a day she wants. You have no valid reason for removing her from the bridal party here.

ETA: Welcome to the Hive!

Post # 4
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Awwww, Bat-Bride Signal!!!! I love it!

Welcome to the Bee!!!

Your situation sucks. 🙁  I’d invite your friend out for coffee and have a heart to heart. She may want to step down, or just be a BM so she can focus on her own wedding. I imagine it would be very hard to try and do both. You can also be honest about needing more support thatn she can probably offer now.

Good luck! I hope you guys can sort it out. 

Post # 6
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@kamillialove1:  You have no other friends?  If so, shop alone.  A lot of us did it.  Bridal consultants can be really helpful.  Your fiance is wrong that she is not “doing her job” because it’s not a job, it is a favor she is doing for you because the two of you ostensibly care about each other.

Also, based on your post, she has been to “dress appointments” with you since you mention it and mention her talking to the consultants.  How many appointments are you dragging this girl to?

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@kamillialove1:  Edited to Add.

Maybe you two can meet up sometime during the expo, or have both wedding parties go together? I still wouldn’t drop her from the wedding party though.

Post # 9
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@kamillialove1:  #1 2-7-2015 IS in 2015… So I’m not sure how that’s “moving her date up” nor is it’s proximity to your birthday really her concern. My cousin got married ON my birthday, which was also the anniversary of my uncle’s funeral. Go figure.

#2 It’s unfair to expect her to focus on your wedding when she has one of her own to plan. It’s also unfair to expect her not to attend a Bridal Expo as a bride but as a member of your wedding party.

#3 It’s NOT unfair of you to expect your dress fittings, your vendor appointments and anything related to your wedding to be about your wedding. You need to sit down with her and politely ask that she leave talk of her own wedding aside if you’re trying to talk to your vendors about stuff. She can always get their cards and talk to them later.

#4 You’d be a kind of crappy friend if you kicked her out of your wedding party. However, I think you could ask her to be a bridesmaid instead of MOH, if you passed it off as trying to lower her stress levels so that she doesn’t have to freak out about your wedding and hers.

#5 Don’t expect a different MOH to put her life on hold for your wedding, either. My sister’s my MOH (and possibly going to be in my brother’s wedding, too, although he hasn’t started planning yet) and I fully expect my wedding to come second to the important stuff in her life, especially finals (which unfortunately happen right around my wedding day).

Post # 11
Member
5688 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you should reign in your expectations of her. You and your FI (and whoever else is paying) are responsible for planning the wedding. It would be nice for her to go see venues with you but in no way is she shirking her duties by not doing so.

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@kamillialove1:  So you were fine if she was getting married late in 2015 because then her planning bliss wouldn’t interfere with your wedding planning, but now that she’s getting married sooner you’re upset because you think she is going to spend time focusing on her own wedding over yours?

You have just slightly less than a year left until your wedding to plan. She has ample time to be a “good MOH.” Being a good MOh shouldn’t mean she has to go see your venue and do all of that. That’s your responsibility and your FI’s. If you expect her to do all these duties, you should let her know so she CAN decided whether she can tackle it all (even if you wasn’t planning a wedding, if it were me, I wouldn’t care about where someone’s venue was).

But if you feel like throwing the friendship away because she has her wedding 2 months after yours, by all means…seems a bit silly to me though.

Post # 13
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

She may not have the same expectations of the “job” as you do. No one is helping me with my wedding b/c everyone I know is very busy. I am trying really hard to get my SIL to accompany to ONE meeting with my seamstress so she can translate for me. I wouldn’t ask her to come to more than that. I know some people have the time for that stuff, but a lot of people don’t. Even if it seems to you that your MOH is being selfish and just “hanging out” with her FI instead of helping you, she might not see her “duties” the same way you do.

For example, I wouldn’t have expected anyone to help me with the venue other than my FI. If that’s a normal MOH job, I had no idea.

Post # 14
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@megz06:  +1 agree.  Think of all the brides on here who get mad when someone who got engaged after them plans their wedding earlier… which OP did here, but her MOH seems to be rolling with that just fine.

Post # 16
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry, but I’m not really seeing a problem here.  Your MoH is finally getting to plan her wedding, and when she’s helping you with yours, of course she’s going to set hers up as well.  I mean, she might as well, she’s already there.  Right?

The only thing I’d be slightly miffed about is her not going dress shopping, but that’s not her duty, and frankly isn’t a big deal. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors