Maid of Honor Drama

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I think you are being silly, yes. OF COURSE she is excited about her wedding. Yes, she is being silly also, by being in full planning mode so early, but she has no obligation to help you plan yours. She doesn’t even need to be planning your bachelorette or anything yet as you have a year until yours, even. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@kermit1987:  yes, you are being silly. Nobody is going to think your wedding is as important as you do. Just like you don’t think her wedding is important as she does.

As your MOH, her duties DO NOT manditorily require her helping you plan yours, so I think you are expecting too much. And, if you were my best friend, and telling me not to think about planning my own wedding until yours is done, I might reconsider you being my best friend after all.

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@kermit1987:  Beyond heloing you buy your dress, and the BM dresses, and perhaps flowers, I’m not sure what kind of help you expect her to give you with planning your wedding.  I mean yes, my MOH helped me address my invites, and spent an afternoon with me making string lanterns, but she certainly didn’t help “plan” my wedding.

Think back to February–you were no doubt excited to jump in and start checking things off your own list.  You really can’t expect that she wouldn’t feel the same way.

 

Even if they are your best friend, and even if they are in your wedding party, you need to understand that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.  Sure, there are “wedding junkies” who are more than happy to get involved with other people’s weddings because they just love weddings, but for the most part, the average person on the street isn’t much interested.

You get one day (or realistically, a weekend by the time everything is said and done) to be the centre of the universe.  Please don’t expect your friends and family to make you the centre of their universe from the time you get engaged until the day you marry. It’s unrealistic, and it’s unfair.

 

Post # 6
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Yes,you are being silly. I agree with PP above ^

Post # 7
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kermit1987:  Yes you’re being silly, but I get it.  You’ve probably been planning since march, you’re also having an 18 month engagement.  It’s exciting and it takes time for that to ‘wear off’.  Help her with her planning and ask her for help with yours.  It is what it is. 

Post # 8
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Of course she is more excited about her own wedding than yours, I’m sure you are more excited about your than hers (regardless of which one comes first).  As others have mentioned, beyond going with you to shop for dresses (if she is available) planning your wedding isn’t her job at all so of course she is focusing on her own.  And she can start her planning whenever she wants, she doesn’t have to wait for your wedding to happen.

Post # 9
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@kermit1987:  my MOH and I were planning our weddings at the same time too.  I went to bridal shows with her where she was the focus, and then we jointly did one where we both had “bride” tags. Then I went to one for myself with my fiance rather than with her because it fell close to her wedding time and I wanted to do it with my fiance instead.  It’s challenging to juggle both interests in wedding planning, but you need to do your part to let her have “her” time just like she does for yours.

Sit down and talk to her about it and make a plan so you can each have designated wedding time (assuming you’re going to be a part of her wedding as well) where you each get to be the focus.  You cannot, however, expect that she will set aside her planning for your wedding.  Though I did that for my MOH and there is a reason why my wedding is over a year after hers, because I didn’t want to be competing the entire time.  Since you have a similar situation, you should be able to strike a similar balance.  But don’t for a second think that your wedding should override her excitement over getting engaged and wanting to plan her own wedding!  It just adds to the excitement and there’s a way for you both to be happy about it.

Post # 10
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

You probably don’t want her help to plan it.  If she has her own then it becomes a comparison.  Think of it this way, since you’re marrying first, you get to set the tone for how much the bridesmaid dresses cost, whether you make her pay for her own hair and make-up or not, how many guests you want her to accommodate at your shower, etc.  She’ll set the tone for what is expected of you for her bachelorette and shower budget-wise.  You’re already in a much better position when it comes to setting requirements and knowing how to reciprocate.  With those advantages, just hire a wedding planner and be happy.  As a nice gesture you can hand off bridal magazines once you’ve already looked through them or look at them together.

 

Post # 11
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

I agree and disagree with the PP. 

I can understand how you feel. You want your MOH, your best friend, to be interested in your wedding. However, it’s easy to see how she is more excited about her own wedding, even with it being so far away. I feel that an MOH or bridesmaid should be supportive to the bride and be excited for her. It’s unfortunate that your MOH got engaged and now that’s all she can focus on.

I think you just need to bite your tongue and deal with it. It would be nice if your MOH could tone it down a bit and show some enthusiasm for you, but it doesn’t seem right to ask her not to be excited for herself and to focus on you. 

Maybe in a little while her excitement will die down.

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