Post # 1
I need some advice. I got engaged in February 2013 and my wedding is October 2014. I asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor in March and she said yes. Well then she got engaged in July and I was super excited for her. Her and her fiance are getting married in March of 2015 and all she is talking about is her wedding. I know she is excited but it is a year and a half away! I told her she does not even need to start planning anything until next year (she has already booked a venue) but of course she’s not listening and just goes on about getting things “checked off the list”. I’m getting really upset with her because all she wants to talk about is her wedding and I feel like as my Maid/Matron of Honor she should be helping me plan mine first, since it’s happening first. When we talk she doesn’t even ask how my planning is going, she just talks about herself. I’m worried that if I say something to her it will turn into a big fight. Am I being silly about this whole thing? Thoughts please!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I think you are being silly, yes. OF COURSE she is excited about her wedding. Yes, she is being silly also, by being in full planning mode so early, but she has no obligation to help you plan yours. She doesn’t even need to be planning your bachelorette or anything yet as you have a year until yours, even.
Post # 4
@kermit1987: yes, you are being silly. Nobody is going to think your wedding is as important as you do. Just like you don’t think her wedding is important as she does.
As your Maid/Matron of Honor, her duties DO NOT manditorily require her helping you plan yours, so I think you are expecting too much. And, if you were my best friend, and telling me not to think about planning my own wedding until yours is done, I might reconsider you being my best friend after all.
Post # 5
@kermit1987: Beyond heloing you buy your dress, and the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, and perhaps flowers, I’m not sure what kind of help you expect her to give you with planning your wedding. I mean yes, my Maid/Matron of Honor helped me address my invites, and spent an afternoon with me making string lanterns, but she certainly didn’t help “plan” my wedding.
Think back to February–you were no doubt excited to jump in and start checking things off your own list. You really can’t expect that she wouldn’t feel the same way.
Even if they are your best friend, and even if they are in your wedding party, you need to understand that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. Sure, there are “wedding junkies” who are more than happy to get involved with other people’s weddings because they just love weddings, but for the most part, the average person on the street isn’t much interested.
You get one day (or realistically, a weekend by the time everything is said and done) to be the centre of the universe. Please don’t expect your friends and family to make you the centre of their universe from the time you get engaged until the day you marry. It’s unrealistic, and it’s unfair.
Post # 6
Yes,you are being silly. I agree with PP above ^
Post # 7
@kermit1987: Yes you’re being silly, but I get it. You’ve probably been planning since march, you’re also having an 18 month engagement. It’s exciting and it takes time for that to ‘wear off’. Help her with her planning and ask her for help with yours. It is what it is.
Post # 8
Of course she is more excited about her own wedding than yours, I’m sure you are more excited about your than hers (regardless of which one comes first). As others have mentioned, beyond going with you to shop for dresses (if she is available) planning your wedding isn’t her job at all so of course she is focusing on her own. And she can start her planning whenever she wants, she doesn’t have to wait for your wedding to happen.
Post # 9
@kermit1987: my Maid/Matron of Honor and I were planning our weddings at the same time too. I went to bridal shows with her where she was the focus, and then we jointly did one where we both had “bride” tags. Then I went to one for myself with my fiance rather than with her because it fell close to her wedding time and I wanted to do it with my fiance instead. It’s challenging to juggle both interests in wedding planning, but you need to do your part to let her have “her” time just like she does for yours.
Sit down and talk to her about it and make a plan so you can each have designated wedding time (assuming you’re going to be a part of her wedding as well) where you each get to be the focus. You cannot, however, expect that she will set aside her planning for your wedding. Though I did that for my Maid/Matron of Honor and there is a reason why my wedding is over a year after hers, because I didn’t want to be competing the entire time. Since you have a similar situation, you should be able to strike a similar balance. But don’t for a second think that your wedding should override her excitement over getting engaged and wanting to plan her own wedding! It just adds to the excitement and there’s a way for you both to be happy about it.
Post # 10
You probably don’t want her help to plan it. If she has her own then it becomes a comparison. Think of it this way, since you’re marrying first, you get to set the tone for how much the bridesmaid dresses cost, whether you make her pay for her own hair and make-up or not, how many guests you want her to accommodate at your shower, etc. She’ll set the tone for what is expected of you for her bachelorette and shower budget-wise. You’re already in a much better position when it comes to setting requirements and knowing how to reciprocate. With those advantages, just hire a wedding planner and be happy. As a nice gesture you can hand off bridal magazines once you’ve already looked through them or look at them together.
Post # 11
I agree and disagree with the PP.
I can understand how you feel. You want your Maid/Matron of Honor, your best friend, to be interested in your wedding. However, it’s easy to see how she is more excited about her own wedding, even with it being so far away. I feel that an Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaid should be supportive to the bride and be excited for her. It’s unfortunate that your Maid/Matron of Honor got engaged and now that’s all she can focus on.
I think you just need to bite your tongue and deal with it. It would be nice if your Maid/Matron of Honor could tone it down a bit and show some enthusiasm for you, but it doesn’t seem right to ask her not to be excited for herself and to focus on you.
Maybe in a little while her excitement will die down.
Post # 12
@SeaSalt: I agree completely.