Post # 1
Hi! Last year my cousin asked me to be her Maid of Honor, she is the first one of all the cousins to get married. When she asked me I told her I was honored and would love to do it but I don’t have that much money and can’t afford to take out a loan to be in her wedding. She said she understood.
My situation: 28 years old. One more year left of nursing school & work very part time. I live with my boyfriend and support myself. I’m very cheap in general and dont buy things unless I have a coupon or can get a ridiculous deal
Her situation: 28 years old. Lives at home with parents who help financially support her as she works a minuimun wage job. I love my cousin but the girl has no concept of money. She is marrying into a very rich family. Having a very extravaggent wedding @ $190 a plate.
This wedding is already going to cost me over $1000, after dress, shoes, hair, make-up, bacheloorette party, wedding shower gift, traveling to the wedding out of state and getting a hotel, & the wedding gift.
So my big question is how much is okay to spend on the wedding gift? Me & my boyfriend are attending as a couple so it would be a gift from both of us. Me & my mom already got in a big fight because I tried to skimp on the shower gift. MY thought is we are close cousins and she should understand that I am only giving what I can afford. My mom said because I am the maid of honor I should go above and beyond.
Is 200$ and acceptable wedding gift from me and my boyfriend as a couple? OR should I be ashamed that Im so cheap?
Post # 3
@showmethebling: I think that’s reasonable. I live on Long Island, where anything wedding related is usually pretty expensive and gifts avg. $100 per person.
It’s definitely regional though. A lot of bees will say that’s too much!
Post # 4
This is not your wedding, it’s hers. You’ve already communicated that you can’t afford to spend that much, and yet it’s still happening.
Give what you can afford and not a penny more. If she doesn’t understand, she wasn’t worth it.
Your mother shouldn’t know anything about your finances.
Post # 5
I would say even $100 is fine, if you’ve already given a nice shower gift or two. A few of our groomsmen who are still students pooled money together and bought one of the nice serving pieces from our china pattern, and I thought that was really sweet. It didn’t cost them much per person, which we were totally 100% in support of because they had already paid for tuxes, travel, etc.
Normally, I’d say even just a card is fine for a Maid/Matron of Honor that has contributed a lot already (especially if she’s aware of your budgeting concerns), but your boyfriend is coming too, and he hasn’t contributed like you have, so you should give something. I doubt she’ll remember for very long whether it was $100 or $200 or more.
Post # 6
I was recently a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my close cousin’s wedding (she didn’t have a MOH), and like you, have already spent quite a bit of money for the occassion. I also helped with various wedding apsects, as far as lending her items from my own wedding so she didn’t have to buy new ones and helping construct her flowers. So on the day of, my husband and I gave her a card with some money in it.
Your cousin should understand that you may not be able to afford as much as one of her more “well-off” guests, and should be happy that you are standing up with her. When I got married, I did not expect my BMs to get me anything, as they had already spent their time and money to be up there with me.
Don’t spend more than you can afford.
Post # 7
Wow, I would say like $50 is plenty!! Honestly, I wouldn’t care if my bridesmaids only gave us a card! They’re spending so much to be in the wedding already!
Post # 8
@Bubbles42: I would give her a beautiful card with your heartfelt congratulations. You are already possibly spending more on her wedding than she is. (I’m guessing the parents and Fiance are picking up the tab).
Post # 9
@showmethebling: Give what you can afford! You have done so much already. I don’t expect my bridesmaids to give me a gift at all! They are already traveling to Maui for my wedding and that in and of itself is a gift. I have been very clear that I do not want presents from anyone though, so I know my view is the exception and not the rule. I don’t know how and when brides became so greedy.
Post # 10
I would also probably just give a card. She should understand that the costs of being a maid of honour are often very expensive, and be thankful for your time/effort.
Post # 11
I gave my friend whose wedding I was in a nice card and a frame that said “bridal party”. I just wasn’t in a position to spend more, and as a true friend, she understood. If you can do $200 comfortably and want to, great. If not, less should be understood.
Post # 12
$200 sounds like a lot to me. I am also in grad school and on a tight budget. I was just in my best friend from high school’s wedding last week–I got her a shower gift and a wedding gift both from her registry, and a fun bachelorette gift. Altogether they probably cost me a little more than $100 (my Fiance also came to the wedding). Now I guess I feel bad I didn’t get her more!!!! I also wrote her a long, heartfelt card and gave it to her on the day of.
Being in her wedding cost me way over $1000 though–I’m out of town, so I had to fly in for the bachelorette party, plus pay for part of that, and then drive in for the wedding itself. Between the dress, alterations, hotel room the night of, and all the other little stuff involved, I don’t even want to know how much I spent. The bride was always really considerate of my budget, though, and was worried I was spending too much. She knows that I couldn’t afford a lot.
Post # 13
@showmethebling: I think $200 is too much. And you think you’re cheap? I would go cheaper. You’ve already spent way more than you should have. I don’t even spend that much on my own siblings or best friends, even if I could afford to.
Post # 14
@showmethebling: $200 is fine. I’d give that, if you can afford it.
ETA: I usually give $250-300 for a wedding.
Post # 15
Thank you girls for all the advice! You actually made me realize that $200 is more than I can afford. I feel bad not giving anything, espically because my boyfriend is coming too. I might give her $50 or $100 or just a card. I agree with all the girls who have been brides already, I wouldn’t expect a gift from the wedding party. To me being in the wedding is gift enough. ( And yes her Fi & parents are picking up the tab so I’m sure I’ll be spending more on this wedding than she even will be).
I have definately gone above and beyond as her Maid/Matron of Honor. I do still feel bad not giving much of a gift even though I don’t feel I should have to (i don’t know it just feels wierd). I might just purchase something reasonable from her registry so at least I’m giving her something.
I have some time to decide. Thanks ladies!