Post # 1
So my bridesmaids and my maid of honor have a facebook group to themselves where they discuss things I’m not to know about (like my bachelorette party). My maid of honor lives far away, but she is very dear to me and has repeatedly dropped everything to be there including driving all night a couple of years ago to take care of me when I hit one of the hardest times. She is however touchy and has a tendency to think other friends are replacing her. The other bridesmaids (there are 5 of them) have been made aware, so that they could tread likely, but it looks like that wasn’t enough with wedding stress (plus some insane work drama) on my MOH.
One of the bridesmaids recently asked why the shower and the bachelorette are on neighboring days, not realizing that my MOH was driving instead of flying this time. Another (rapid fire) had a suggestion for the bachelorette party which (I’m given to understand) was too well formed for my MOH. She fell all apart texting me asking if I needed her at the shower and the bachelorette party because the bridesmaids couldn’t deal the way it was and saying that everyone had already made a plan for my bachelorette party without consulting her. She’s acting like they don’t want her there, but according to one of the bridesmaids no one realized she wouldn’t be in town earlier and thought it would be fine. Since I’m not in the conversation I have no idea how to convince her that the other girls are just being overzealous/trying to help and are not plotting to dethrone her or something else dramatic. She said she’s been crying most of the afternoon because she feels like she’s failing me as a maid of honor and the other girls don’t want to include her.
Any ideas for calming this situation? I love her dearly and I hate to see her this upset, but its like 3% real concern and 97% stress/overblown/exaggerated. I feel like at the end of it there’s just going to be awkward tension between everyone that will ruin both parties and ruin my MOH’s chance at making some new friends with ladies who are all amazing.
Post # 3
Man, how do you have the patience for this woman???? She’s manipulating the situation and making your bachelorette & shower about her. I don’t really have any advice but to be really nice to the other girls- they’re puttin up with a lot for you.
Post # 4
wtf. tell her to man up and deal with it herself. you’re not involved (as you shouldn’t be) and it’s between her and the BMs. You don’t need her stress on top of all the other wedding stress.
Maybe you can talk with the other BMs and have them approach the MOH to help the situation. I don’t know really I just know I could not deal with this chick.
Post # 5
@Dalmolia: I’d send one email to all bridesmaids and MOH included, saying you’d like to take some time out to thank them all for being there for you, and supporting each other to share in your happiness. Thank them for planning the events to come in such great detail and for beautifully communicating their lovely suggestions among themelves and eventually to the MOH who will lead the way and carry out the plans effortlessly and elegantly with their help. Close by saying you appreciate how well they are working together and that you know that they are with you in wanting a relaxing, fun time celebrating at the bridal shower, bachelorette and wedding day itself. You can’t wait to enjoy this time with them in this way. YAY TEAM!
You will have:
a) taken the reins for the last time on this mess
b) petted MOH’s ego and kicked her fears of being de-throned out the door
c) thanked the BM’s for putting up with her and for their individual input
d) made it clear what your expectations are of how they best behave, tension free.
Then, take MOH aside, and tell her that you love her and know she will do a fine job. If she has any questions (read: worries) defer her to your mom or someone else that can manage her. You do not need to deal with her frazzled self, as much as you love her. She’s gotta calm the heck down but that is not your responsibility beyond this one email and time aside with MOH.
The only other idea I have would be to organize a “let’s meet” party where everyone comes together just for the fun of it and meets each other face to face, maybe making some wedding favors or other crafty thing together for fun. Keep it LIGHT and fun. Pizza party, casual, so that everyone feels super comfortable and at ease. This will give them a chance to get to know each other beyond the wedding and for MOH to see that these other ladies really are nice, and maybe create a rapport beyond email which is sometimes tough. Not sure if this would further ignite things or if it is even possible distance-wise, but thought I’d give this idea to you, too.
Post # 6
Thanks @Cornflakegirl, that seemed to do the trick nicely. Things seem to have mainly calmed down, or if they haven’t no one’s telling me (which for how I’m feeling right now is just fine). I know there’s been one squabal since the one mentioned above, but it was handeled internally to the bridesmaids so I’m good with that.