Maid of Honor Troubles

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Honestly, I would say that if she doesn’t want to buy the dress and shoes, and she’s not sure that she can come, that you would rather not have her as a bridesmaid and just invite her as a guest. I don’t have any sisters though, so I have no idea how that would go over.

Post # 4
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Find a new Maid of Honor. She’s sounds uninterested and that’s probably not what you wanted or expected when you asked her. 

Post # 5
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

I’d give her an out to see if she would take it. Then if. she doesn’t but she still complains and didn’t fully commit I’d have a coming-to-jesus/shit-or-get-off-the-pot talk with her and bluntly lay out her options for attending and pick one for her.

Post # 6
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@j1mathieu:  I would seriously ask her if she wants to be MOH. Being MOH involves work. You help the bride and plan showers and bach parties. If she does not like it, ask if she wants to give up the position and say you understand if she does.

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@j1mathieu:  She’s working 3 jobs?  It sounds like money is a huge issue for her.  I’d give her the option of bowing out of all or most of the wedding duties.

Post # 8
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agreed!  Have a blunt talk with her and offer an escape from all the “bother.”  I did that with one of my bridesmaids.  She opted to stay in the wedding party, but I will tell you that she continued to be a PITA the entire way.  🙁  Think about it long and hard, but ask her right now if she wants to be a part of it or not.  If it was me, I would also talk to my mom!!

 

Good luck!!  I feel your pain.

Post # 9
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Also, I have 2 sisters. Neither of them are in my wedding party (their kids are). So there’s no rule that says you need to have a sister in it. Especially if it seems she doesn’t want to be. 

Post # 10
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@j1mathieu:  She shouldn’t be paying for hair and makeup.

She shouldn’t need to take a day off for your bachelorette. Isn’t it possible to organise the bachelorette on a night she isn’t working? Failing that, she doesn’t need to attend the bachelorette if her expenses/time are so tight that she can’t manage it.

I can’t help feeling you’re asking a bit too much of her. I would keep her as MOH, but expect little from her except buy her dress + shoes, and be there for the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@j1mathieu: Honestly you should pay for shoes if you’re requiring a specific shoe. You should pay for hair and makeup if you’re requiring it. If she can’t make the bachelorette, she can’t make it. If she works 3 hours, I’m assuming she needs the money. I think you’re asking too much, sorry.

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

My sister was my MOH–All I asked was her to stand up with me. Friends come and go, but bood is forever, so having her there was important to me.

Your sister sounds EXTREMELY busy–I’d let her off the hook for wedding stuff! Keep her as MOH, though.

Post # 14
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@aussiemum1248:  Agreed!

I think it’s important to note that our siblings would be at different life stages than ourselves. Being a bridesmaid — let alone an MOH — is EXPENSIVE! Vet school is also expensive.

@j1mathieu:  If I were in your position, I would avoid wedding planning talks with your sister for a while — she’d probably like to see you ask how school/work is getting on for her. She sounds stressed out. When I’m stressed out/running on very little amounts of sleep, the last thing I’d want is to fuss about minute wedding details. (I can relate with your sister as I have a lot of things piled on the go; it’s overwhelming)

My MOH (practically my sister) has a crazy schedule; she’s a surgeon, but since she’s flying all the way from Australia, I’m paying for her dress, hair and make-up as courtesy/sisterly love. So, I think it all comes down to being open & honest with each other — about her expectations as someone who is really busy and your expectations as a bride.

It can still be fun, with her lack of availability! But it isn’t fair to impose the WIC’s MOH guide/bible on your sister.

Post # 15
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@j1mathieu:  Is your sister my sister?! I think your sister is being ridiculous. I’m seeing this as someone who has a sister who can’t be bothered to be involved in any part of the wedding… I don’t think you’re asking too much of her. You just want your sister to talk about wedding stuff with you and be excited for you. It sounds like no matter what you do she would complain. My sister complained about every single aspect of the wedding that involved paying for anything… So my mom paid for her (BTW my sister is 33). Could your sister be complaining because she wants your parents to pay for everything. If you could, could you nicely tell her you understand that she is busy and trying to save money and she doesn’t have to be your maid of honor? Or could you appoint another BM your MOH and leave your sister as one for just the title? I feel your pain here, it hurts worse when it’s your sister… You should be able to talk to your MOH about your wedding, she should be excited to talk about it, if she isn’t, I don’t think she should be your MOH!

Post # 16
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@j1mathieu:  OK it just sounds like different priorities and different stages of life then. I think you should make it clear she doesn’t need to be at the bachelorette. And maybe less wedding talk/texts to her. You’re understandably all excited about your wedding, but she is busy with 3 jobs and trying to get into vet school.

So I don’t think you’re being bridezilla and I don’t think she’s being MOHzilla, it’s just you’re each busy with different things, and I’m sure it’ll work out.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors