Post # 1
I am only having one bridesmaid, my maid of honor. She has very different tastes than I do and tends not to listen to a damn thing I say. We found a dress for her that we both love, it’s a long chiffon strapless dress in a light shade of pink. Very soft and romantic, which is what I’m going for with my wedding. But when we went to look at shoes, she kept going straight for platform wedges, especially black ones. I told her a-I do not like black shoes for a wedding. Especially mine, it is pretty much the opposite of what I’m going for. And b-I HATE wedges. I find them too casual for a wedding, especially the hideous platform ones she was looking at. She showed me a pair of nude platford wedges instead of the black ones, and I told her I hated those shoes. They were really ugly. I didn’t think she was going to buy anything because she said she was going to look at what she had at home. I had to go back out to the car because my son was falling asleep in his stroller, but when I saw her mom after she told me that she had bought the ones she had shown me because they were on sale for cheap, but in black. I was FURIOUS. I talked to her about the next day when I saw her, but she insisted that nobody will notice her shoes. She wouldn’t budge on the shoes, except that she would exchange them for the nude ones, even though I still hated them. I offered to get a pair of solemates for her but she tried telling me that she is just more comfortable in wedges. I am not buying that because she has had more experience walking in heels than anyone I know and she prides herself in her ability, this is the girl that is constantly saying “I hate when I see people who don’t know how to walk in heels” everytime she sees someone wearing them. <br /><br />So my question is, with her buying her shoes herself, is it unreasonable to expect her to take them back and get the style that I want? Or should I settle for the ugly shoes but in a color that is at least tolerable?
Post # 2
KeenersGirl: Would it be possible to buy her the shoes that you would like her to wear?
I am not a fan of what I am suggesting but I think in your case it might be the easiest fix……
Post # 3
KeenersGirl: I went to a wedding where a bridesmaid insisted on wearing big, chunky, black platform boots with her long bridesmaid dress…. she looked like an idiot…..
Post # 4
Just crop her feet out of photos if it’s that big of a deal.
Honestly, it doesn’t reflect on you at all, it’s her style. And I think it’s sounding like she’s pretty insistant on her shoe choices. So, move onto more important things. This sounds like it could get ugly.
Post # 5
She is the MOH. She is the only bridesmaid. I would definitely buy them if I could 🙁 but I’m reaching the upper limit of budget pretty quickly. I’m just afraid that if she wears them, people will think I picked them out! Yikes. I showed a picture of them to my FI, and even being a guy who isn’t too concerned about what’s on my MOH’s feet, he took one look and said “not a chance. She is NOT wearing those.” But on the other hand I know if I stand my ground on this she’s going to go around telling everyone I’m being ridiculous. She doesn’t take feedback well.
Post # 6
No black! With pink??!? Ick.
But do compromise and let her wear a wedge. It’s a long dress- no one will notice. And buy them for her if you must.
Post # 7
KeenersGirl: If it’s a floor length dress , how much are her shoes really going to show?
I’m not excusing her actions, but is it really worth risking your friendship over?
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to request a certain color. Is she having a cash flow problem? That could explain why she bought something on sale against your wishes.
Post # 9
Are people going to be seeing her shoes? If not, I don’t know if that’s big of a deal really. But, that’s just me.
I’ve only been in one wedding as a BM, and she didn’t care what we wore. But, our dresses were black and that is what most of us wore (I think one of the girls wore cowboy boots for comfort!).
I told my MOH (sister) and BM (FSIL) that I don’t care what they wear since they’ll have long dresses on anyway. My sister bought some nude wedges that she thought would be good in grass (park ceremony), and she could wear later on. My FSIL was worried about them not matching if they were not the same, so I told her that if she wanted to go get the same ones – go for it, but she didn’t have to. She did go buy them, so that’s fine. The dresses are a dark blue.
BUT, if you really want them to be different than what she bought – go shopping again and see if there is something out there as a compromise.
Post # 10
At the end of the day, the only person who is going to look ridiculous in a pair of totally inappropriate shoes is the person wearing them. Nobody, trust me, is going to come away from your wedding saying “Great day, beautiful bride, handsome groom, wonderful hospitality, but heck, why did the bride make that bridesmaid wear those godawful SHOES?!”.
So you have to ask yourself, amidst all the other potential drama that could come your way while planning a wedding, is it worth starting World War III over shoes? If she doesn’t take feedback well she’s not going to be changing her mind any time soon and actually, even if you bought her a different pair of shoes, there’s absolutely nothing stopping her turning up in the black wedged ones on the day.
Personally, I’d defuse the whole situation by being indifferent to her footwear. That way she might actually re-think the whole idea herself. The more you oppose her, the more stubborn she’s going to get.
Post # 11
They’re shoes. One someone other than you or your fiance. On a scale of 1 (someone sneezes during the vows) to 10 (the officiant is struck by lightnight during the vows) I would give this a 2. It is not worth the drama. Let her wear whatever shoes she wants. She agreed to get them in nude, so be happy with that compromise. I don’t like wearing heels for a whole night of dancing either, so I can see the comfort value of platform wedges. Plus, her dress is long, so people probably won’t really see them much. And most pictures won’t show her feet. Not a big deal, at all.
Post # 12
I think you’re being way too picky about the wedges thing…she offered to get them in nude. Problem solved. If she feels more comfortable wearing wedges for a long day of standing and dancing, just let it go. I agree that black would not be my preference, but I also think that you’re wasting a lot of energy worrying about something that isn’t going to be a big deal on the day of the wedding. It’s definitely not worth losing a friendship over.
Post # 13
Although she doesn’t sound very supportive, I’d let this one go. Really for the most part people look for the bride and what she is wearing, not the MOH’s shoes, so it might not be worth the fight.
Post # 14
If you want to dictate her shoe choices, you should buy them. Otherwise, let it go. She’s wearing a long dress and no one will see them anyways.
Post # 15
“The thing that ruined my wedding was my maid of honor’s shoes!!!!” …said no one, EVER!
Let her wear the nude platforms. No one will care, no one will notice, and you won’t even remember.