Post # 1
Hi, I’m new here, and hope I’m posting in the right place. This seemed like the best website to bring my question to anyway.
I’ve been engaged for a couple of months, we’re not planning anything yet, just window shopping if you will and realising that we appear to have expensive taste – so we’re saving.
I was the maid of honour at someone’s wedding over a year ago. When she found out about the engagement she started texting me with wedding suggestions and things we could/should do on the day and ‘when she’s my MOH’. I’ve commented back that we haven’t made any plans yet, and won’t be starting to plan for a while. This hasn’t deterred her one bit.
The thing is, I don’t want her to be in the wedding party. I would rather not invite her at all. I do not like this woman. She’s bossy, bitchy and rude. I wasn’t all that thrilled with being her maid of honour, but I was subjected to a bit of a rant when I hesitated and gave in. We don’t talk much, I’ve seen her once since the wedding and before I got engaged we would exchange one or two texts every couple of months, always instigated by her. To say this woman is a drama queen is an understatement; any slight is documented to death on facebook and talked about endlessly in person.
I know I have to tell her she’s not going to be in the wedding. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to invite her, but I’d like some more opinions there.
Post # 2
tropicalcocktail: Congratulations on your engagement! I would postpone telling her that she is not in the wedding party for as long as possible. If you tell her now, it just gives her more time to make your life miserable before the wedding.
Just keep telling her that you and our FI haven’t made any decisions about the wedding yet. As far as her suggestions go, “Thanks for the suggestion. We’ll take that under consideration.”
Post # 3
Do you know why she asked you to be MOH? Did you get the impression that she scared off everyone else? Or that she had no other friends? Or you are her oldest friend?
I think it was a mistake accepting to be her MOH. You must have known this moment (your wedding and the decision whether to include her) was coming?
Anyway, my opinion is if someone makes you their MOH, then you don’t have to make her MOH but it’s a bit rude not to make her a bridesmaid without a decent explanation. I think you should (when you’ve picked your bridal party and she asks) say sorry, but there are other girls you’ve known longer and are closer to. Now what she *should* do is handle it gracefully, but unfortunately I think she’ll create a storm. But you’ll need to ride it out. Better to have her get angry from a distance, than have her in your bridal party.
Post # 4
tropicalcocktail: Well, since you want more opinions, mine is that you don’t *have* to invite anybody.
Post # 5
Congrats! You could just tell her that you haven’t decided who will be in your wedding party yet. As you have so many people that want to be involved. But you will let her know once you start planning. If she gets pissed with you that’s her problem. Perhaps she won’t speak to you again (possibly an added bonus). Just stand your ground. It’s your wedding! Just because you were her MOH dosen’t mean your obligated to have her in your party. She making a lot of assumptions here. It might be best to “nip it in the bud” now. Without telling her you have no intention of asking her.
Post # 6
tropicalcocktail: my FI has a similar problem. He’s been the best man in about 3 (maybe 4?) different weddings. Unfortunately, we are having a smallish destination wedding (40ppl) and so not only are none of these guys going to be in the wedding party, but we’re not even going to be able to invite them to the wedding. What we tell people (and it’s the truth) is that we are keeping it a small wedding with close family only. This has worked well, and absolutely nobody has been offended (to my knowledge anyway). You can always hold a BBQ after the fact and invite her to that (and avoid her).
Post # 7
Thanks for the responses and congratulations. Definitely going to take it on board, I’m going to suggest we meet up so I can talk to her and tell her we’re not planning and haven’t made any decisions yet. We’ll see how it goes.
Aussiemum1248: I think I was asked because I’m probably her oldest friend, but I wouldn’t consider us close. I think a family member refused before I was asked, she was very involved in the planning and aside from booking the venue for the hen night she did everything a MOH would normally do. I offered to help multiple times, but the bride always refused and told me she was fine.
I didn’t know about my own wedding, when she asked me to be MOH I hadn’t been with my FI long. I agree it was a mistake, I probably should have dropped out but felt guilty about it.