Maid of honour/ friend problem

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
42076 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

tropicalcocktail:  Congratulations on your engagement! I would postpone telling her that she is not in the wedding party for as long as possible. If you tell her now, it just gives her more time to make your life miserable before the wedding.

Just keep telling her that you and our FI haven’t made any decisions about the wedding yet. As far as her suggestions go, “Thanks for the suggestion. We’ll take that under consideration.”

Post # 3
7013 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you know why she asked you to be MOH? Did you get the impression that she scared off everyone else? Or that she had no other friends? Or you are her oldest friend?

I think it was a mistake accepting to be her MOH. You must have known this moment (your wedding and the decision whether to include her) was coming?

Anyway, my opinion is if someone makes you their MOH, then you don’t have to make her MOH but it’s a bit rude not to make her a bridesmaid without a decent explanation. I think you should (when you’ve picked your bridal party and she asks) say sorry, but there are other girls you’ve known longer and are closer to. Now what she *should* do is handle it gracefully, but unfortunately I think she’ll create a storm. But you’ll need to ride it out. Better to have her get angry from a distance, than have her in your bridal party.

Post # 4
3826 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

tropicalcocktail:   Well, since you want more opinions, mine is that you don’t *have* to invite anybody.     

Post # 5
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Congrats!  You could just tell her that you haven’t decided who will be in your wedding party yet.  As you have so many people that want to be involved.  But you will let her know once you start planning.  If she gets pissed with you that’s her problem.  Perhaps she won’t speak to you again (possibly an added bonus).  Just stand your ground.  It’s your wedding!  Just because you were her MOH dosen’t mean your obligated to have her in your party.  She making a lot of assumptions here.  It might be best to “nip it in the bud” now.  Without telling her you have no intention of asking her. 

Post # 6
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

tropicalcocktail:  my FI has a similar problem. He’s been the best man in about 3 (maybe 4?) different weddings. Unfortunately, we are having a smallish destination wedding (40ppl) and so not only are none of these guys going to be in the wedding party, but we’re not even going to be able to invite them to the wedding. What we tell people (and it’s the truth) is that we are keeping it a small wedding with close family only. This has worked well, and absolutely nobody has been offended (to my knowledge anyway). You can always hold a BBQ after the fact and invite her to that (and avoid her). 

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