Maid/Matron of Honor – do you have to have one?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Miss.Pretzel:  Yes you can. Most jurisdictions however, require that you have witnesses sign the marriage certificate so you will have to make a decision at some point. You will also have to decide who stands next to you during the ceremony.

Those are the two main duties of the MOH (leaving aside possibly planning a shower/bachelorette).

Post # 3
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am an older bride and this is a remarriage for me.  I am not having any attendants except my daughter and his daughter as flower girls.  I can’t imagine anyone my age really wants to be a bridesmaid!

Post # 4
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sure, why not? I had a bridal party of 6, with no maid/matron of honor

Post # 5
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We chose to have two attendants each, with no best man or maid of honour. On each side, one will sign our marriage certificate and the other will carry a ring.

Post # 6
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am having 2 bms and no MOH.

Post # 7
4910 posts
Honey bee

I didn’t have a maid/matron of honor, either. We had a small wedding party with three bridesmaids and three groomsmen. And the bridesmaids were my SIL and two of my cousins who are pretty much like sisters to me. I ended up lining them up by height because my SIL is about 5 feet tall and both my cousins are over 6 feet tall.

I worried about this back when we got married. At that time, I had never been to a wedding that didn’t have a maid or matron of honor. I worried that people would think we were weird or something. In the end, it didn’t matter at all. Everyone was happy, and I don’t think anyone even noticed our wedding party was different. It turned out being one of those things I worried about excessively, only to realize (after the fact) that it wasn’t worth the nervous energy. LOL

EDIT TO ADD: Congratulations on your engagement! 

Post # 8
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m in my early 30s and this is my first wedding. I’m having one girl stand by me. (So one Matron of Honor) she is my SIL and is the only “sister” I know. She just gave birth 3 weeks ago and my wedding is in 12 days. I asked her to stand with me, but requested that I didn’t want any shower or Bachlorette party. She needed to focus on her pregnancy and I didn’t want the attention. She has no responsibilities for the wedding. Works perfect. I think as long as you let your girls know your expectations of what you want, I don’t see why you can’t have what you want.

Post # 9
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You certainly can, but it might take more planning on your part.

I have been in weddings that chose not to have an MOH so that nobody felt slighted. The difficult is determining who is supposed to be doing what. The first time I was in a wedding that did this the bride didn’t really give us any direction and we didn’t want to step on anybody’s toes so it was kind of awkward trying to figure out the shower and bachelorette. We eventually got it done but it meant that I had to plan a bachelorette in a week from long distance!

Then I was in a wedding where I was the MOH and it was easy because I knew I was in charge of getting stuff together (with the help of the other girls) and it was easy.

Then I was in another wedding where the bride didn’t want an MOH. From the begining I told her that we (or I) would do a shower and bachelorette, if she wanted them, but she needed to divide up the MOH duties so that we all knew what was going on. She put me in the charge of the bachelorette, her sister in charge of the shower and another friend in charge of a speech. It worked out great. We all knew what to do and nobody had to do it all. 

When I got married I thought about doing the no MOH thing but it was just easier to have my friend (The one that I was MOH for) be the MOH and organize the other girls. Nobody was offended. She’s the most organized and closest, location wise, so it made sense. 

So, after all my experiences – it’s fine to not have a MOH but I would defnitely divy up the MOH responsibilities and let people know what they need to do. 

Post # 10
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m an older bride as well (will be 37) and am having 2 attendants. I am having one as MOH though. we’ve known each other since we’ve been 6 and best friends since we were 12. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister. The main “duty” difference is signing the certificate as a witness.

Post # 11
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

There was no possible way to decide between my sister and my best friend (whos like a sister) so i am not having a MOH. However, as a PP said, I will have to decide at one point who will stand beside me during the ceremony, sign the marriage certificate and sit by me at dinner…. But you can totally make up your own rules, its your wedding 🙂  My FI is not having a best man either.

Post # 12
285 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been in a wedding without a MOH. I think it can be done, but communication has to be open amongst all parties.

It wasn’t clear who was going to plan the Bachelorette or showers. The closer we got to the date the more obvious it was that nobody was starting to plan anything. I stepped up and did the shower, and some high school friends (not in the bridal party) did the bachelorette. I also did a lot of the running around stuff with the bride because I was one of the only girls who lived near her. I was happy to do it because it was fun.

Then on the big day, the bride asked her cousin to stand next to her because she thought any other choice would upset their Grandfather. The end result was that most of the guests just assumed she was the MOH.

I understood why she didn’t want to pick someone. But can’t say it didn’t bother me that someone ended up getting the recognition without having to actually do anything.

Post # 13
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think that’s fine. For what it’s worth, I’m having two maids of honor (my sisters). I just couldn’t choose between them, and they’re happy to split the responsibilities. My older sister will do the toast and my younger sister who’s crazy shy will sign the marriage certificate.

Post # 14
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m having no attendants at all (do not want to do that to my friends), so it’s definitely possible!

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