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She's clearly displayed a history of bailing on you. The last thing you need is for her to bail on you on the wedding day as well. Just as she's been in the past, it's likely she'll continue to be this way ie. shower, bachelorette party, etc. It might be her passive agressive way to tell you that she's simply not interested in being in your wedding at all. So maybe it's best to approach her with it and give her the out. Ask her straight if she still wants to be in it at all? The stress that she may cause if she stays in your wedding party but isn't participating in anything is not something you need. Believe me.
Goodluck!
She sounds like an old roommate of mine. If you're already worried about how she's going to be closer to your wedding, I'd find a polite way to let her back out. Ask her if she'd prefer to do something else such as be the guestbook attendant.
I agree with Ms. Snowpea and Emily. You should sit her down and tell her how you've been feeling and ask her straight out if she'd rather not be in the wedding, as that's the impression you are getting and you're really dissapointed in the way she's been treating you. You should focus on your friendship with her and figure out what is going on there before you delve into the wedding stuff. It sounds to me like there might be something going on with her personally...is she jealous that you're getting married? Is she upset about something you did? Is there something going on in her personal or family life that's upsetting her? Best friends usually don't let you down over and over...there's probably some sort of reason behind it all. Perhaps you can get it out in the open and try to work through it. If she's not responsive to talking with you about it, then perhaps you should request for her to not be in the wedding...but only if that's what you really want. It sounds to me like this is a person who has meant a lot to you in the past...make sure that you really don't want her to take part in your special day before you make a move like that. Good luck...I hope that you two can get back on track.
This may be hard to hear, but to me it actually sounds like she's trying to bail on the friendship rather than just the wedding. But in a passive aggressive way, like Miss Snowpea said. She is supposed to be your best friend yet is breaking plans that have been in place for months and have cost you significant money in order to hang out with someone else. The plans that she is breaking are not all casual plans; the Rascall Flatts concert for example was something that was very important to you and could not be rescheduled. She is sending you a message.
I would normally not advocate asking a MOH to step down as it can be quite rude to do so. But in your case, I would ask her to step down as she has let you down several times and deliberately lied and hurt you. This is not someone you can rely on.
So I talked to her and didn't ask - but I told her she was out of the wedding. I know this may seem a bit rude and trust me it broke my heart but she said to me "I bought you a gift for your engagement party - why would I do that if I didn't want to be a part of your day?" which to me was a total bit of BS as it makes no sense and I could care less about gifts!
I told her that I couldn't listen to her constantly complain about the cost of every little thing over the next year when she lives at home and has little to no bills, have her bail on parties, showers and other things that I only would have wanted her at - not host or bring items too because she's my best friend and all that mattered was she was there. I didn't want to have to wonder if she didn't come to my grooms dinner beacuse she didn't want to spend money on gas, or if she just had a family thing that was more important - you know?
So I backed her out, and I left the friendship, and now I've no best friend. And it's the worst because we've talked about this out whole life and now I have to do it with out her.
What really sets me off though is we have another friend getting married 2 weeks before me, but Stef's not complained as far as I knwo to her...maybe it is me though looking back and asking FI who is dead hoenst with me no matter what all the time - all thefault he's seen has been her, that if she hates me now it's nto for something I've done - all I can think is she's really just amd she's in 2 weddings so close together.
I'm crying to hard to finishe this...it's done anyway you know - hard part over she's out.
Yeah. I would definitely have her step down. Even if, during whatever conversation you have with her about it, she says "Oh no, it'll be fine, I'll do it!", I'd persist in letting her know she shouldn't be involved. She sounds like she clearly has no problem committing to very important things with you then lying to your face about why she can't do them. As smart said, you can't rely on her.
Sweeney - reading this is absolutely heartbreaking; I'm so so sorry you had to go through it!!! I really think you did the right thing though, if she was just going to be more stress and agony all along the way, then there's no reason to keep her involved. Perhaps this is just the wake up call she needs to reevaluate things and come back to the friendship, but I agree that it does sound like she was just ready to give up. Even her gift comment just sounds false. I don't really have any good advice for you, but just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you, and I think you did the right thing by standing up for yourself, and HUGS!!!
It's heartbreaking to end a friendship that goes back so long, and I know how much it hurts. It's the right thing to do if she is walking all over you though and causing you a lot of stress and pain. That's not a healthy, happy friendship. It's like breaking up with a boyfriend you love but treats you poorly. It's for the best, but that doesn't make it easier to go through. We're all here for you.
that's just pure crap. I apologize i can't help ya out (i'm having MOH/BM issues as well). the other thing i can say is that we are all here for ya so spill it! :)
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My best friend since 7th grade was supposed to me by Maid of Honor, along side my sister. It was really important for me to have them both, as thyey provided such different things in my life.
Well, my best friend backed out of being the MOH claiming it was going to cost her too much money. i didn't quite get this, as I would have never expected her to traditionally pick up all the parties and all that, I know what she makes and I'm not mean or selfish like that.
Well soon after that she tried to back out of comeing with me to find a wedding dress because it was her dads brithday and even though they already celebrated it with the family, she thought she should stay home with him (she's 29 and lives with him, she sees him EVERYDAY, and they didn't even have anything planned) Then she faked having a bowl issue and was on the toilet all day.
My engagement party came and she bailed out early claiming to be sick so she could hit up another friends party that night, and I wouldn't have even cared if she told me the truth! This was a mutual friend and I knew he was having his college Grad party that night, she was at mine for a long time it would have been fine.
Well now today was the last straw - we're supposed to be going to the rascal Flatts concert for my brithday, I have been waiting for this for 2 years. Well suddenly she says she can't go and asks if I could buy her ticket off her and take someone else because she's tight on money (remember she lives at home, no rent, only car payment and a credit card) But I understand, she finally wants to start saving I'm going to support that....
Well go figure she lied. Come to find out she made that up so she could go to a costume party at her brothers house that night instead. We had planned this concert for my birthday for 2 months and I was wiating to be able to see them for 2 years, and the party date comes out yesterday and she's backing out......
So my issue is this, she's not seeming very intrested or trustworthy, should I just ask her to back out all togehter? I've told her that I'm not wanting to talk to her right now and that I may ask her to step down because of her attitude - but I don't know if I should. All of this started over the time I got engaged, but she could have card less when our other friend did 2 months before us and our wedding are 2 weeks apart.
On top of that she has the tickets to the concert at her house...so FI has to stop and grab them on his way home if she even gives them to me, though they are mine, and my brithday gift from my FI. She tends to act like a high school student when things like this happen.
I'm so upset right now. What should I do?