Post # 1
So I have 3 bridesmaids, my closest friends, who promised to throw me a bridal shower but it looks like they won’t be able to do it at the last minute (shower was supposed to be 3/31 and my wedding is in next month). #1 is in school in California and I’m currently in Maryland, she has no money (being a college student) and I’ve already had to pay for her plane ticket here and her dress #2 is studying for her nursing exam that she MUST pass and has no time or money #3 said that party planning isn’t really “her thing” and hasn’t shown much interest in helping. She’s the only one who can contribute any money however and has pledged around “$75” to help.
In order to have a decent shower, my parents and I would be footing the bill ontop of the wedding. I don’t think its fair to ask my parents since they’ve been so generous and I know FH isn’t going to go for us paying another thing for them.
Should I just cancel having a bridal shower all together? Or should I tell them to get it together and figure something out? They are talking about finding “free” stuff to do for the bachelorette party which is fine but I know the case will be me probably paying for everything as usual. Should I just tell them, no thanks and nix both?
Post # 3
Hrm that is a dilemma! Maybe get #1 to help plan and just have #3 help contribute to it. When I was a BM for my friend’s wedding all of us were STRAPPED for cash (I had just been released from a week stay at a hospital, erg, so I also wasn’t in the best of health), one just moved out of state, the other was too busy with work, and the last one was MIA. We ended up throwing a nice little shower at a friend’s house for about $100. We went to Sam’s and bought a few appetizers and then thought of a few short fun games.
Post # 4
I definitely don’t think you should tell them to get it together and figure it out. They can’t manage and you need to accept that. If your parents want to throw you a ‘decent’ shower or if you want to pay for it so that it’s as you want it then that’s what you should do. You really can’t demand a shower, that’s their choice to throw you one if they like/have time/can afford it.
In the end it’s all on #3 to organize and plan since by the sounds of the other two are not available. Maybe she can help your mom plan the shower? Do you have a MOH or just the 3 bridesmaids?
Post # 5
Hmm, this is tricky. It sounds like #3 is the only one who could plan and pay, but is not really into the planning (and thus probably wouldn’t really be on top of it). You can’t really tell them to they have to do it–a shower is supposed to be something thrown for you because people who love you want to, so it’s not really a “necessity.”
Is there someone else who could do this for you? What about aunts or other family members? My bridesmaids are in a similar situation–they are all either in financial hard spots or out of town. My mom is throwing my shower along with a few of my aunts. What about your FMIL? I wouldn’t specifically ask any of them, but you could have your mom spread the word that you won’t be having a shower because your bridesmaids had to back out at the last minute…someone might spring to the task if they realize you otherwise can’t have one.
As for the bachelorette party, I wouldn’t tell them to just nix it. I would tell them to be honest about what they can and can’t do. Even if your bachelorette party is just everyone getting together and painting nails while watching girly movies! (Aka, totally free!) that would be better than nothing, right? Just don’t let them plan an elaborate night out knowing that once you get to the bar, you’ll be the one paying for drinks. Ask them to run a few ideas past you maybe.