- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
I love my fiance, I do. We have been together for 2 1/2 years. I am now 31. We never really argue and have an overall healthy relationship. He is a great man – very honest, solid, caring, trustworthy and kind. He would give his shirt off his back to a stranger and help any lost puppy. Which is why I am feeling horrible/guilty/misreable that I am having cold feet.
Let’s go back one year. Thing were grand, my fiance proposed. About one month later, my Dad came down with a life threatning illness that will not ever be cured. We halted our original plans and decided on a latter wedding date. In the meantime of planning for the new date, I was laid off from my high profile job. One month after that, we were “asked” to move by our landlord who was moving his sister into our beautiful, albeit rented, home. We moved into temporary housing and then, just weeks ago, moved across the state – 9 hours away.
So, let’s add moving 3 times to the mix and not being able to find a job to the equation.
Now, it is 2 months to the wedding and I am dying with anxiety. We are having a destination wedding and 90% of people have bought non refundable tickets. The only problem is, that there is not a problem between my fiance and I. Sure, he does not make enough money, and sure, his family is a bit, well, wierd, but who cares about those things when you have love? Ugh, every night, I dread the next day because it is closer to our wedding day. I do not care about the actual wedding or honeymoon – there is absolute no joy in any of it and I dread making plans for it. I think I may be in denial, I do not know, but one thing is for sure, this feels more like a chore than a luxury.
I am having a VERY hard time deciding if I feel this way because of all the trauma in our lives, or because we should not get married.
Has anyone else felt this way???