- 3 years ago
I deleted my last post because I received a text from a friend who I was talking to about the same issues and she said “Is this you?” and sent me a link to my own post! Because I was so easily identified I decided to post another but with the follow up but I’ll leave out some of the details so my future in laws don’t find me.
My FMIL and FSIL think that SO and I are too young to get married. FSIL keeps saying things like “You two really should wait.” and “I have plenty of friends who have been dating, we know they’ll get married, but they’re in no rush, you will be the youngest people we know to get married.”
I think this would be great advice to people that are very young and maybe in the honeymoon stage. However, we are in our mid-to-late 20s.
FMIL says the same thing about being too young but adds that we should just break up. That “she’s in such a rush to get married, she doesn’t know what she wants, she just wants the wedding” about me. We’ve been together 4+ years, moved to different states and different COUNTRIES to be together. I obviously do not agree with his family.
So we had an open discussion over Skype the other day, and it ended with us simply not agreeing and no sides feeling any better (possibly worse) about the situation.
Their reasoning doesn’t make sense to me, and when I finally got to talk, they made it seem like I was the one who was being unreasonable.
His mom was basically saying “Just wait.” Ok, well what do I get by waiting? We already live together. We’re already committed. So what do I get by waiting any longer? Looking older in my wedding photos? Risking the chance that our aging grandparents won’t be at our wedding?
Then she said “If you’re already committed then why does it matter if you get married now or later?” WHY DOES IT MATTER? I turned that around RIGHT away. Ok, so if it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t matter then WHY DO YOU GIVE A SHIT? If it doesn’t matter when we do it, then WHY is this a DISCUSSION? Why does it MATTER? Obviously it matters because you care so much.
Additionally, his mom is obsessed with our reproductive choices. We are very proactive with pregnancy prevention and we are not positive, but pretty sure, we will be a lifelong childfree couple. I’ve never given any indication that I was interested in children or getting pregnant, but she is constantly going on and on about how I can’t get pregnant. Because it’s her choice I guess. She’s completely frantic, constantly sending him e-mails and articles about getting married too young.
After reading this you would maybe think that we live with our parents and live paycheck to paycheck. No. We have lived together for 2.5 years, he has been financially independent for 8 years and I have been for 7 years. I’m not sure what “premarital checklist” she is reading, but I would think most people would be happy for us and realize that we are independent adults.
I don’t understand why his family thinks we are too young and why they think it’s their place to make these decisions for us. He has a very close relationship with his family so “not talking to them” isn’t an option. On his other side of the family, his dad is completely fine with our decision to move forward with our relationship.
Is this just something FMILs do when they fear losing their “baby boys?” His sister is annoying me too, but I don’t know why she should even care, or why she thinks she’s an authority on relationships… considering she’s NEVER been in one longer than 6 months.