Post # 1
So FI and I have been fighting pretty badly all afternoon because of this. He’s having his dad be his best man and his brother be his second groomsmen. I am having two college friends be my bridesmaids. Well I have a younger brother who will be 14 at the time of the wedding. He’s too old to be a ring bearer and I see putting him as usher to be demeaning so I think he should be a groomsman. Well FI is refusing to do this, his reason being that the groomsmen should be close and he doesn’t want my brother to feel left out if his brother and dad take him to a bar? I feel like that’s a really week excuse.
I’d also like my dad to have some important role in the wedding besides walking me down the aisle but at least my dad will be walking me down the aisle. I just think its incredibly unfair that his brother and father get to be in the bridal party but my family doesn’t get to have a important part when they’re the ones footing the bill.
I am so frustrated with him right now. His family isn’t giving us a penny and he doesn’t even talk to his brother but my brother and i have always been so close and he doesn’t get to do anything?!? And usher would be absolutely insulting to my family/culture, its not done they have servants for that. I’ve been trying to explain this to FI but he just doesn’t get it.
At this point I just want to skip the whole bridal party or even just elope.
Post # 3
Put him on your side. No reason you can’t.
You could have him or your dad do a reading, or have your dad sign as your witness.
Post # 4
If it’s that important to you, have him stand up with you. Or have him do a reading, if he’s not shy about public speaking. Don’t pressure your FI into taking a groomsman he doesn’t want. I personally see nothing insulting about being an usher (one of my best friends is an usher in our wedding), but you’re entitled to your opinion.
Post # 5
@geekspice: It’s a cultural thing, the traditional weddings of my culture only have groomsmen and bridesmaids and the duties of the usher are usually done by hired hands or servants, so asking someone to be an usher isn’t an honor but quite the opposite culturally.
Post # 6
@CrazyCatLady13: This isn’t an issue I would choose to fight about. The groom gets to choose the groomsmen, the bride gets to choose the bridesmaids. I’m only guessing, but I’ll bet you chose your bridesmaids, not him.
Your Dad already has an important role- escorting the bride down the aisle.
Is it possible your brother doesn’t care as much about this as you do? Personally, I’ve never met a 14 yr old boy who always had dreams of being a groomsman.
If it is important to you to have him involved, think of something else for him to do, but don’t let such a minor issue continue to cause strife between the two of you.
Post # 7
I don’t think you have to have a specific task to be important during a wedding! I’ll walk down the aisle with my FI, not my dad – but that’s not because I don’t love dad, it’s partly because it’s a tradition in Sweden & partly because dad would be uncomfortable with the spotlight. Similar thing with my little brother, we’re super close – but he’s not part of the bridal party. Had my FI asked him, I would have been fine with that, but I never expected him to (they get along great, but they live on different continents). Instead, I asked him to play during the ceremony & he will do a reading. I also asked him & his girlfriend to be responsible for the lawn games during the cocktail hour. So I feel like he’s pretty involved & important even if he’s not a groomsman!
I’m sure you can find something for your brother as well – perhaps escorting your mum to her seat or making a toast during dinner?