- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Oh bees… I had a major moment of weakness yesterday night 🙁
So, my SO and I went to dinner last night and somehow (despite my best efforts) the topic of an engagement came up. SO made a stupid joke “But it’s not even 2014 yet. Hahaha”. He has already told me we would be engaged within 2012, but for some reason this comment just really rubbed me the wrong way. I just don’t think that a joke is very sensitive when he knows that this waiting period is tough for me.
After the joke, I basically shut down. We went to a movie and then as we were driving back to my car (still parked at work), he said “I know something’s wrong. I think you’re mad about the joke I made”.
“Nope. I’m fine”
“Well, you’re obviously not.”
“No, you’re right, I’m not. *Sob* You have no idea how hard this time is for me. The expecations are different for you. You work with the same 2 people day in and day out. *Sob* I work in a field with all women and my coworkers aren’t shy about asking me why we’ve been together for so long without a ring. *sob* Every person I see has a ring on their finger. *Sob* Every friend I have is getting engaged before me and haven’t been with their SO’s nearly as long. *Sob* You hurt my feelings *sob* by making a joke *sob* about my life *sob* and whats important to me *sob*.
We sat in the car in total silence for about 2 minutes. After waiting for him to say sometihng, I said “Drive safe” and got out of the car. I went to my car and started cleaning it off and he got out and came over. He finally talked and said:
“You just need to trust me. I have a plan, and I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now. I probably think about this more than you do. Just…. trust me, babe. When the time comes for this thing to happen, I don’t want this to be the tone. Just trust me.”
I literally crumpled in his arms in a fit of tears. It was a horrible, messy, rotten meltdown and I felt/feel like such a turd for having a moment like this. I have been trying SOOO hard to keep these feelings underwraps and just push through this. Ultimately, things are okay now and we have promised no more engagement talks, and certainly no more engagement jokes but I still feel like an idiot.
I’d like to do something nice for SO as an “I’m sorry” without actually bringing this back up again. Any advice?