Post # 1
So, originally we were planning on haveing about 100 people at our wedding. Outdoor ceremony and a reception at the nearby city hall. Now I am freaking out because the costs just keep going up, and my mother keeps trying to addd more and more people to the guest list. Looking at our guest list, we could probably hack it down to between 40 and 50 people if we take out all my mom’s friends and people we never see or talk to. Now my mom is all upset and is accusing me of not wanting my step-dad’s family there. I just don’t want to spend all my money on this wedding. Truthfully, my FI and I would rather have a small outdoor ceremony at the same site and have a dinner reception at a nice restaurant. The biggest problem is that we sent out save the date’s to our 100 person guest list. Is it super rude to just not send like half of them invites? Is there some way to gracefully back out of the bigger wedding and just do something smaller. I’m practically having panic attacks thinking about the money we would be spending on this wedding. I just don’t want a catered dinner/dance reception anymore. My FI needs a car, we want to buy a house in the next few years, and I have some student loan debt. If we go ahead with the original plan, we will be pretty much broke after the wedding. I don’t want to upset anyone (my mom is already upset), but there are just other priorities here. I’m looking for some good advice bees! Thanks!
Post # 3
Not really. You need to invite anyone that you sent an STD to.
Post # 4
Yeah I think you have to send an invite to anyone who you sent a STD to. Do you think all these people are going to attend? We invited 100 and got 30. I would not let her increase the guest list anymore since YOU are the one paying, not her. Are there any other ways that you can cut costs? Maybe a punch and cake reception instead of a full dinner?
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Unfortunately, it’s really really rude to send a Save The Date and not follow up with an invitation…However, if they’re people you do not care about at all, then I guess you could do it but I wouldn’t recommend it…
But like Miss ASB said, even if you invite 100 people, you will probably only end up with 75…
Post # 6
Are you & your FI paying for the wedding yourselves? Or is your mom helping too?
If you are paying for the wedding yourself, that you’ve got to be open & honest with your mom.
We payed for most of the wedding ourselves and we told our families that they could only invite their siblings and a certain # of their friends. Yes, it was blunt, but we would rather pay for our friends to be there, then our parents. ESP, when we were paying for it, not our parents!
EDIT: I actually re-read your post and have another ques. You said orginially you invited 100 and your mom keeps adding more, so is the count now over 100?
Post # 7
Hi! So sorry you’re going through this. It’s never easy to deal with family members who insist on adding people to your guest list. The thing is, you cannot refrain from sending invitations to people whom you’ve already sent save-the-dates to. It’s just impolite. I would suggest opting for a cocktail reception, where guests move around from food station to food station, as opposed to having a traditional sit-down dinner. This will lower your catering costs. You can also omit alcohol from the party. There are many ways that you can still have a 100-guest wedding without breaking the bank. Good luck!
Post # 8
if you sent the STDs you have to invite the people. cut costs some other way…like by making it more casual, not having favors, etc…
Post # 9
We are paying for everything ourselves, except my mom is paying for a cake $200 max and she paid for my dress. My FI’s parents were planning on paying for the rehersal dinner and they did pay for our honeymoon. It’s just out of control. We are looking at nearly 9K bill when we really only wanted to spend max 5K. Technically the guest list is at almost 120 now and all our estimates are for 100 people. I just don’t want this anymore.
Post # 10
It seems like you should get the final word on the guest list if you guys are paying for it. If your mom wants to add a ton of people then she needs to be helping pay for the event.
Perhaps you can do something very low-key. Just do punch and cake and call it day. You don’t have to go all out but I think if you sent save the dates then people are expecting an invitation. Plus that way you can still have your dinner later without having to invite everyone who is invited to the wedding.
Your only other option would be to elope – which you could totally do since you haven’t sent out invites and then just send an announcement saying “We couldn’t wait!”
Post # 11
Okay, then def approach your mom about the extra 20 people. Since you are paying for the wedding, you have every right to say “sorry we can’t afford these extra 20 people” just stick your ground! Its your money!
Stick to your 100 people budget, if it financially worked for you in the beginning, then it will all work out for you in the end 🙂
Post # 12
This is super tough. I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.