Post # 1
Ok…fiance and I have been together going on 7 years…we’re high school sweet hearts and are getting married in 4 months!! We both get along GREAT with each others parents, but recently, his parents have been driving me INSANE! Preferrably his MOM! Ok, so Fiance has a younger brother who is 20….he’s bad. He’s been arrested countless times (i think 6), has had I think 4 or 5 DUI’s already, smokes marijuana, used to do heroin…and yes..he’s on 20! Well…you can’t trust him. He steals (hes stolen over $2000 from his parents), he lies, etc, so Fiance has said countless times that he doesn’t want his brother apart of the wedding…he can COME but he doesn’t want him standing up there next to him has a groomsman, just because YOU CANT TRUST HIM!! Most likely he would show up high, or drunk, or BOTH! I just don’t want to be dealing with that at my wedding..be both dont! So a while back we brought it to his moms attention that we decided not to have him in the wedding…well she flipped and said that SHE WOULD NOT COME IF HE WAS NOT A GROOMSMAN! WTF!! Really??!?! This isn’t your younger sons wedding, this is your older sons wedding, he can do and choose what and who he wants to be apart of it! Personally, I would just say F**K you then just dont COME, but obviously I can’t do that and wouldn’t even say that to Fiance about his mom. So today…Fiance told his dad that we picked out tux’s (his dad is the best man) and his dad said “Ok so when do ME and your BROTHER need to go try on tux’s?” ummm….WHAT?! Nobody said anything about his brother being apart of it. So his dad said, ok well did you run that by your mom again??? So Fiance just said F**K it just add him to the list. UGHHH, this is pissing me off SO bad! Not only because they’re trying to tell us what to do for OUR wedding but the fact that Fiance isn’t close to his brother and is going to be PARANOID the day of the wedding!!!
WHAT do I/WE do?!
Post # 3
Um, I vote for letting him come but I wouldn’t bank on him showing up and being a big part of the wedding. Who knows? He might surprise you and not be drunk or high on that day. If your fi had been more open to not letting his brother be a Groomsmen, I’d have said, go and fight his parents over it. But it seems he’s just kowtowed to them and his brother is going to be a Groomsmen. This is a fight you don’t want to do without your Fiance support.
Post # 4
bRooklynRocks…it’s not the fact that he can’t COME to the wedding..it’s the fact that Fiance mom is FORCING Fiance to have his brother be a groomsman or she said shes not going to come to the wedding or be apart of it!
Post # 5
I think this is your FI’s fight. It’s up to him to decide if he wants him up there or not. Obviously you both have input but he needs to be the one to talk to his family about it. Definitely a tough situation. I would also task the rest of the Groomsmen to watch him (if he ends up being one) to make sure that he doesn’t get out of hand.
Post # 6
@nursein10: If your Fiance went to his brother and said “look, I’m really worried about you. I really want you to remember my wedding and I want everyone to have a good time, so it would mean a lot to me if you stayed sober for my wedding”, do you think he’d do it?
Post # 7
MissHelen…no, and im being dead honest! He really has a problem, one minute he’s in a great mood and you think you can confide in him and the next he flips out, tries to pick fights for no reason, goes and steals money from whomever he can get it from and goes and gets high. He has tried to change they’ve even sent him to rehab a few times but ultimately its his decision to change.
Yes I know it’s fiances fight ultimately, but i’m also going to stand beside him and support him as well. His dad and mom today said that they want to have a “family” discussion tomorrow night…so we’ll see how this goes…
Post # 8
Try to remember that just because he is on drugs doesn’t make him a bad person. Its the drugs that is speaking for him. When/if he cleans up I would be willing to bet both you and your fiance would love to have a good relationship with him. This may help with that.
I think your fiance should speak with the brother and say we would like for you to be in the wedding, but please respect our day and come sober and clean.