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Have you talked about going to look at rings/ getting married recently in the not abstract "some day"? I guess it maybe feels (to him) that you were trying to pressure him to go in and look when he wasn't a) ready b) in the mood for it. Unfortunately, we can't FORCE those guys to do anything, they'll do it in their own time and in their own way.
Ugh, sorry your guy was being such a jerk...try not to let it get to you!
My FI was the same way, don't worry. I think guys like to do things their way and not feel pressured (by you and/or the sales associate) to buy a ring.
Eventually I left my FI alone and he managed to pick out an amazing ring for me! :)
That would make me mad but I would have never asked him to go look at rings. I'd wait for him to make that decision. It seems like you kept pushing it I don't know why he didn't want to go in but once he said no I personally would have backed off and just passed the store. I might have even asked him why later on while sitting at dinner or something. If you really wanted to see what it looked like in person you could have taken a close friend some other time. It seems like you just wanted to show him what ring you like. I haven't had the need or want to drag SO into the store to show him what ring I want or have a close friend drop hints.
I'm not trying to come off mean or rude just being honest and saying what I think. I totally understand how you feel I have been dating my SO for 5 years I will be 25 in May and he is 31. Waiting gets old, fast. Maybe he was just tired of being at the mall or he didn't want to feel pressured.
I have found that men don't really like to feel like they are bein forced into anything, even if they are not. Somehow you have to make it seem like it's partly his idea
Sorry you feel crummy, you will love him again very soon!
((HUGS)) I know how that goes. It's like I was breaking his arm asking him to go into a store. I would definitely have a conversation with him to make sure you guys are on the same page after 6 years. Good luck :)
I am sorry that you were upset but I think you owe your BF an apology. I will agree with some of the earlier posters that he probably felt pressured to go in and look at rings when he made it clear that he didn't want to. Plus...he already has an idea of what you want since you have looked at rings together a few years ago AND you have e-mailed him pictures of rings that you like. Maybe he already went into that store asking about rings and didn't want to be recognized and have his cover blown.
In any case, my suggestion would be to apologize to him for being so pushy, ask him if he is considering marriage in general and marriage with you in particular, and tell him that you will wait until he proposes....and try with all your might to be patient.
Hope I am not coming off as insensitive but I have a lot of guy friends and I have been hearing the scenario from the man's perspective over and over again and have to admit...they have a point.
Sorry he really upset you! But have you thought that maybe he could have a ring in mind or maybe its in the works?! This sort of happened to me, I wanted to go into a store and the Fi said no, and once he stopped talking about getting married it worried me, but come to find out a month later he proposed!! He was afraid to give it away! And the jewelry store I wanted to go into, he got the ring from, so he didn't want anyone to recognize him and give him away.
But I say if you guys have a tentative date, I'm sure the ring is coming. He's just either trying to save the money for your perfect ring or find the right time to propose! I know it can be frustrating at times, but I learned that you just have to be patient.
Maybe he already picked a ring for you and he doesn't want you to look at any more... I have a feeling thats what my boyfriend is up to.
Why aren't you talking to him? I get that you're bummed, but that seems a little extreme, honestly. He didn't want to look at rings. Bummer? yes. Reason for a major fight? probably not. I know you're feeling let down, but try to see it from his perspective. You don't want to come off as the pushy-engagement-crazy girl who pouts when things don't go her way. Try just using this board and your friends to vent, but don't take it out on him... from an outsider's perspective, he sounds pretty innocent in this situation. And for goodness sakes, at LEAST talk to him!
That sucks...he's not being very grown up about it by refusing to go into the store. But he probably doesn't want to feel pressured. Or maybe he already has something picked out and doesn't want to be disappointed if you point out a style you like that's not like what he picked?
Thanks everyone for the comments and support.
I just wanted to explain why I am upset.
As for him getting the ring from that place. ZERO chance because we are out of the city for school so he wouldn't get it from here when we have connections at home. Yes I agree I kind of pressured him by asking him but he said okay and then changed his mind as we walked there so that was not my fault. Then I said let's go home already. I just wanted to see how they look like since I have changed my mind on what I liked from several years ago. I only saw one ring with him 3 years ago so we didn’t really look. That exactly what I told him. So he was like okay and then changed his mind. So that's why I am mad. If after I asked him and explained why I wanted look, if he had so no i really don’t want to then i would have said okay that’s fine. but he said okay let's go to the jewelry store and then when we get there he’s like okay go in i'll just wait outside. It just ruined it and i got mad.
I'm not talking to him right now because I need some time to calm down. I know if I were to talk to him right away I would have blown up. I'm one of those people who needs to walk away and take a few minutes to think about things so that I don't go crazy lol
Maybe he doesn't want you to pick out your own ring. My FI refused to go try on rings with me or even get pictures from me of what I wanted. he wanted to do it alone. And he did. And my ring is beautiful. :)
It must be really frustrating to date someone for six years without a ring (I'd be ready to take hostages if I were in your position), but there are a lot of guys in their mid-twenties who just aren't quite ready for marriage. If your boyfriend falls into this category, then pressure isn't going to remedy the situation. It is also possible (as the above posters have noted) that your boyfriend is ready, but wants to do things on his own schedule (men are usually pretty stubborn this way).
deep breaths! what a terrible situation. personally, i would have let it go after the first time he said he'd wait outside. but i know how you feel in wanting to get on with it already and wanting him to know exactly what you like and don't like. it definitely seems like he has his own schedule in his mind and didn't want to be forced into looking at rings in case you saw something and he might feel pressured to buy it. i agree with a lot of the bees posting here that you should apologize or least admit that you may have pressured him into something he didn't want to do but also, that you really love him and you're just so excited to be married to him that you just wanted to include him the process and make sure everything is just right!
i'm sure things will be fine!
i learned very quickly, you can't make boys do wedding related things when they don't want to. it's annoying, mainly because we tend to always want to be doing them, but they don't. he'll do it on his own time.
I have felt VERY frustrated with my SO but I have NEVER given him the silence treatment it's kind of immature. Do you really love him? Or have you been with him so long and want to be married so bad that you are clinging to him? Once again I am not trying to be mean but I really don't think you have anything to be mad about. Frustrated yes, angry to the point of not talking to him no.
I'm kind of confused because your original posted sounded like you asked he said no you begged and pushed he said ok and then changed his mind. Then you comment further down said he said ok then changed his mind nothing about him originally saying no. If he originally said no then I stick with my original comment but if he said yes we can go in and then changed his mind its a little different. If it is the second one (and only you would know) then I say theres something up. Maybe he has a ring picked out and doesn't want you to change his mind.I still don't think you should be that angry, but obvisiously you are maybe its more than just that.
I think you two need to sit down and discuss where you both are at. Sending him pictures of the rings you like might not be helping.
Communication the one the most important things for a successful relationship. Not talking to him or about the situation is only hurting your relationship not making him change his mind and run out a buy a ring to change everything.
I dont' think you two need to discuss rings; I think you need to discuss marriage and a timeline for it.
I agree with Corgi - maybe he wants to pick our your ring all by himself. I never looked at rings with my husband - all he knew was that I didnt want yellow gold. The ring he chose was perfect and I never knew a thing about it until he asked. Maybe he wants it to be a surprise when he gets one for you.
He probably wants it to be a surprise. I'd lay off the ring talk/emails for awhile and see what happens. In general, men don't respond well to that kind of pressure.
He probably has some sort of plan and thinks you're "ruining" it by always bringing it up.
I agree with cheerful.
It sounds as though the two of you might be on very different pages regarding marriage and timing.
Once you've calmed down and are ready, I think you ought to have a real brass tacks conversation about your expectations and his. You might not like the answers you get, so be prepared for that, but it's not fair to either of you to keep going in circles if your priorities can't be reconciled.
It sounds to me like he's really not ready yet... It could be for any number of reasons, but it sounded pretty extreme.
Knowing my personality, I'd wait until I was very calm and then bring it up as a topic of discussion in a non-confrontational way... Like, "You seemed really uncomfortable with ring browsing the other day, and I just wondered what that was about?"
At least you can use it as a barometer for whether he's 1) not ready 2) having second thoughts 3) already working on something...
Best of luck!
I'm thinking he's probably not ready yet. With a tentative date for summer 2011 this is really "soon" for engagement talk to most men. We're getting married next October... less than a year and my SO thinks we don't need to worry about venues and what not.
Guys are crazy weird when it comes to the engagement. And they should be. Depending on the guy they want things to be perfect, timed right, and above all be 110% sure you'll say yes and that it's whats best for both of you. This is one of the few things they have control over in the wedding and they use that to their best advantage.
I "thought" my man was un--interested and I should send him pics etc... only to find out he HAD been looking a long time to learn about rings, pricing, what he can afford, what he thinks I like and then finally came the fateful... "would you like to look."
I'd say, at this point in the game... you should stop sending him images of rings. Don't ask to go in. Apologize, tell him you're not trying to rush an engagement and your sorry if it seems you might be from sending him pictures etc. Ask if Aug. 2011 is still the plan... if yes then say "All I ask is that you give me a full year to deal with planning." You've got about 9 1/2 months until the year mark...
I was in the same boat! I kept sending pictures of rings, wanting to go into the stores etc. My now FI was so not into it and pissed him off that I kept bringing it up all the time. He said I talked and thought about it way too much and it wasn't going to happen until I laid off so he could do it in his own time.
I finally just dropped it 100% and didn't talk about rings, dresses etc anything and when he did propose 2 months later it was a total surprise.
I found out he didn't want to go into the stores w/me because he had already been in there and didn't want the salesman to let on that he had been in there, and also because he had already made my ring from a different jeweler that had a better selection and ordered it offline so he didn't even need to go to the store.
That could very well be the case. Trust me, guys don't want the pressure so just relax and I believe it will happen since you have discussed marriage etc before. He probably just wants to surprise you like my FI did with me.
I feel like he either a)isn't ready or just hasn't THOUGHT about it beyond a "someday..." or b) has been thinking about it but wants to do it all by himself and make you proud :)
I think you need to sit down, and in a non attacking way, talk to him about you as a couple, your relationship, and your future. Do a LOT of listening with this conversation and let him talk.
good luck and don't let this hurt you to badly, you know your man cares so much about you and it wasn't meant to hurt you!
*hugs*
My thought is the same as some other posters - maybe he already has a ring picked out, and he's afraid you might point out something that's completely different. Rejection isn't always the easiest thing to swallow. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt and don't be mad.
Thanks everyone for their comments and advice. I wasnt speaking to him after that incident on way home becuase i knew i would blow up. Later on in the evening we had a chat and he said he didnt want to be pressured. Since then I have let it go and havent spoken about it or brought up any wedding stuff. So we will see what happens.
I think you made the right decision beckyh in just dropping it. I really think if you give him time and don't pressure him, we'll be hearing soon that you are engaged 
Sounds like he has some issues, which isn't a huge deal, we all have them. Logic would say, ok, let's go look at them since we've been talking about marriage. When logic doesn't happy, you have the human error. Our brains make us do crazy things. I'd be mad too and I think FI and I had a few days like that. We went to look at Erings and I looked at some sets and he got all weird that I was looking at bands to. It's like, you knew it was bound to happen! Silly guys. Talking is the only thing, albeit painful, that will work that out UNLESS you are patient enough to let him do it in his own way. Five years is a long time and rings are so pretty!
In my experience, guys just do things on their own timeline when they're ready, it seems like the more hints you drop the more they back off. Maybe he feels overwhelmed right now. You don't always know what's going on in their head, but it can be the slightest thing that can set them on this "she's not getting her way yet," attitude. When the timing is right, and both of you are willing to talk, I would ask him why he reacted that way and if he feels pressured. It's always good to know that since he may not necessarily fess that up on his own.
Your actions were probably interpreted as nagging... sorry!
Also - is it possible that he doesn't like shopping in general?
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Me and my Bf of 6 years went to the mall today. We are both 25. We were walking around and then we passed by a jewelry store. So I asked if we could go in. He was like no. Then I was like well I just want to look at rings to see what I like in real life as opposed to pictures and he’s like I’ll wait outside. So I explained to him that it looks different in real life. He agreed. At least that’s what I thought. We started walking to the store but he’s like I’ll wait outside again. I got upset. I didn’t want to go in alone. Partly because I want him to see the rings and partly because I look so young, salespeople never take me seriously when I go look at stuff alone. Anyways, he was like I don’t want to, etc. So then I got upset. He then was like whatever and started walking to the store. By then he ruined my mood so I was like NO let’s go home. Honestly, I am so F****** mad right now. After almost 6.5 years, he can’t even look at rings to see how they look like. We looked at rings like 3 years ago so I don’t see what the problem is. I moved several hours away from all my family and friends to live with him and he cant go into the store for 5 mins. It was just to look, no one said we were buying.
ARG so we left and I haven’t spoken to him the whole ride home and the whole evening. I am just TICKED off.
I had to get that off my chest. Thanks!
BTW: We have talked about getting married for several years and especially alot the last few months. We have a "tentative" date for August 2011. I always email him pictures of what rings I like, etc. So it's not like this is something new.