Post # 1
So my husband and I had the very unfortunate happenings of losing our jobs, one before our wedding and the other a month after our wedding. So there we were a few months of being entirely unemployed and pulling from all the money we got from our wedding.
I was eventually able to find part-time work. He was able to find something very low pay and we were still in the negatives. Then he gets offered a job opportunity across the country. So we decide to go for it. We moved from IL to TX for his job opportunity. It doesn’t make a fantastic amount but with the cost of living he can support both of us and pay rent, without really setting aside a savings. I got offered a small part-time which wont be making much of anything, but something to put in the savings for now.
My family keeps pressuring me that he needs to move up, and make more money or start a new career. Hello? Economy? That’s not exactly easy, and he just started at this job. I even got lectured that if he doesn’t change his plans in a big way in the next five years we wont be able to have kids.
We rent an apartment and apparently if you want to have a family you have to buy a house. You have to make 100,000 plus a year to do so. And if we don’t than we just shouldn’t ever have a family.
We’re recent college grads, we’re lucky to have jobs and a roof over our head as I see it. Sure do I want a baby really badly? Yes, I have a bad case of the baby blues sometimes, even though I know I’m young and have several years ahead of me to still have that in life. Could we afford it now… absolutely not! Do I feel stressed? Yes!
What would be so wrong with making less than 100,000 a year and having a family? Is that impossible? Do you have to have a family in a house? What if I don’t want to buy a house? What if we want to live in different places (his career is capable of moving us around throughout our lives) and don’t want to commit to owning a home for a while?
What if I’m okay with not living the fancy life?
I know I cant be the only one going through this, or living a life of not so much luxury. I guess I just need a friend and someone with ideals that match mine for once. Any support bees?
Post # 3
Aww honey I am sorry.
it’s hard, but evenutally you get a ” fuck it, this is what i am doing, deal with it” attitude. It will be ok, ( hugs)
Post # 4
Yes, I completely understand where you are coming from. My FI and I constantly remind each other very nearly every day that we may be poor people, but poor people can be happy and live in nice rented places and maybe have families. We find that is what helps: sticking together and supporting each other. Also, we are very happy renting! My father and his mother are not pleased with our feelings at all. They view us as complete failures.
For several reasons, I will never, ever go to post secondary school. However, my FMIL has flat out told me that she forbids us to have children until we both have a degree and own a home. This situation will never happen, though we do plan on buying a home in a few years. We plan to start TTC in September, and we know we will work it out together.
Good luck, and stay strong. 🙂
Post # 5
@imalittlebirdie: Thank you. I wish I had that attitude now and it wouldn’t bother me so much.
@ladyrose: Thank you. I personally like not having to worry about owning a home and the upkeep of it all. I feel like my family thinks were complete failures too. It’s making me cry.
Post # 6
People raise famlies with less than 100K all the time. 🙂
If you think about it, you don’t have to justify your choices with anyone – including your family.
…who cares if your family thinks you are a failure. Maybe in their eyes, you are. If the criteria is earing 6-figures, owning a home in ‘x’ neighborhood, driving ‘x’ car, going on ‘x’ vacations…. you know what I mean?
Hang in there! Don’t put unnecessarily expecations on yourself. As long as you and DH are on the same page, communicating, working on your relationship, and doing what you can to support yourself, you are on the right track!
Post # 7
Good grief. If 100K is needed to have a family, I’d have never been born 😉 My siblings and I were raised on average income(wayyy less than 100K in our area) and turned out just fine. We never went hungry and had plenty of opportunities to get ahead in life.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, I would simply tell your pushy family members in a nice way, “It’s my life, we have our own family together now that we are married… and your advice will be asked for if we need it.”