Weddingbee boards

OMG. I just have to vent. I'm so mad right now, so frustrated. My mom is UNBELIEVABLE!!! She criticizes just about everything I tell her about the wedding. She doesn't have one nice thing to say about anything, and she's always telling me that what I want to do is "weird" or that "no one does that".

The latest drama is that, because I can't find a wedding cake baker that is cheaper than $4/slice, I decided that cupcakes would be a much cheaper alternative (less than half the cost if you include the $2/person that my caterer charges just to serve/plate the cake). I mentioned this to my mom and she immediately vetoed it saying that it was weird and no one else does that. I told her that it wasn't weird, lots of people do it these days, and that we would probably get a small cake just for cutting. She totally did not like that idea and even called back an hour after our conversation just to tell me that she and my aunt both think it's a bad idea. On top of that she told me it will be BAD LUCK to not have cake at my wedding. WTH?!?!

I finally couldn't take it anymore and asked why she had to criticize everything I tell her about the wedding. She of course denied that she does that and told me that she is my mom and everything she tells me is for my own good. Right, it's really for my own good to make me feel like CRAP about my wedding. I can't take it anymore!!!

I've never heard the bad luck thing. We're having cupcakes at our wedding (largely because we have a good friend who owns a cupcake shop!)  Maybe she's having a hard time visoning cupcakes being appropriate at a wedding?  You might try showing her some pictures of wedding cupcake tiers. 

Here's one from Martha Stewart (there are more on her website: http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/cupcake-tower) 

Here's my bakers site which has lots of wedding images: http://www.dozencupcakes.com/html/weddinggallery.html

I feel ya, plain and simple. I, too, am having major "mama drama". Everything I do is wierd and "too edgy" (an ivory birdcage veil). I am spending more money than anyone on the planet on a wedding ($8000, tops). I am asking too much of my bridesmaids (I'm asking them to pick out their own style of dress rather than picking one dress for everyone to wear). Sorry for the sarcasm, but I wanted to get the point across that it doesn't matter what I do in regard to the wedding, but there's always something to criticize. My best advice, honestly? When she weighs in on your decisions, acknowledge her feelings by saying something like "I agree that cupcakes may be a little unique, but I think that's what me and [FI] like about it. Plus, it's a lot more cost-effective!" and then change the conversation topic. And do what you want. In the beginning of planning, I beat myself up trying to make everyone happy. About 6 months in, I decided "screw it". I'm happy, and the fiance's happy, then I don't care what everyone else thinks. Just smile, thank them for their opinion, and then promptly ignore them.

Best of luck, and a big hug from me! I know it sucks :-)

I've never heard the bad luck thing either - I'm pretty sure she is just making it up like she makes up EVERYTHING else just to justify her opinions. She keeps telling me "well if you think like that, I can't say anything about it" but the same is true the other way around!! I can't help it that she has this preconceived notion of how a wedding is "supposed" to be, and that she refuses to listen to anything I tell her about other weddings I've seen that are different and still wonderful. Why does it even matter if things go the way they are "supposed" to as long as we are happy and have a fun,  beautiful wedding? I highly doubt anyone is going to go up to her afterwards and say "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR DAUGHTER HAD CUPCAKES INSTEAD OF CAKES AHHH THE HORROR".

Those are great pics btw, I will have to send her some photos later after I stop wanting to pull my hair out. I doubt it will make a difference though - they're still "just" cupcakes.

Sorry.  Hope it all works out.

Ignoring her is definitely the path I wanted to go down and had been doing that for a while except then I felt really lonely planning the wedding w/o telling her the details, so I caved and started telling her things again. That was a bad idea. She's always had the ability to make me feel like crap, no matter how old I am. Guess I should just learn to stop letting it matter so much. :(

My mom has the same view of my wedding. All criticism with never a real suggestion. Gently remind her that you would love to hear real alternatives, not just what she thinks is wrong, and that just because she has never seen it done before doesn't mean it isn't done and is wrong/bad luck.

Thanks, bees! I'm a little calmer now (i.e. not crying and wanting to break things) but still a little angry. I think I'll just go back to not telling her a lot of details, and just saying "ok" and then ignoring her when she criticizes something I tell her. It sucks that I have to do that but I really don't want to fight with her over what is supposed to be a really happy day.

@dookie32 - actually, in between my tears, the FI and I were laughing at some of the ridiculous things my mom says. It's frustrating but comical. I think we could probably write a book on all the crazy things moms say! I can't imagine what she would have said if I tried to let the BMs pick different style dresses. *shudder*

I indeed want to shoot mine at times too.  And I can say that because she doesn't have internet and will never read this (that in itself has been a major pain).

For a while the world was going to end if we didn't have cocktail shrimp at the reception.  She was even going to buy it in Maryland and bring it up to Vermont.  Except the reception site won't let you bring in your own food or booze, it's kind of illegal.

Then the world was going to end over the fact that the rooms at the lodge don't have air conditioning (the hall does).  It is on the top of a mountain in Vermont, which is usually 70's tops.  God forbid people open windows to catch a mountain breeze.

Now the world is going to end if my aunt/cousins don't throw me a bridal shower.  Never mind that they live in NY, I live in VA, mother lives in MD, and bridesmaids live in TX, WA, NY and VA, none of them withing 2 hours of me.  Nor has she asked MOH about that.  And she's pretty much dictated that it has to be on Memorial Day weekend.  And that I should shut up and take presents, even if I don't want to sit around a bunch of random old women.

It is always something.  I'm ending up venting to FMIL, which is kind of funny.

My mom is the same way, she said that she would be dissappointed if I invited MY FATHER, she is mad because we decided DJ on the DJ vs Band debate, we are having a small wedding, she wanted a big one, she wanted my sister to be the MOH, because it is "traditional" We want cupcakes, but she isn't happy about that either. I feel your pain. I am trying to block her out.