Post # 1
I am having a very small intimate wedding in Italy. My fiance and I decided being its our second wedding…we didnt want to have 100s of people and keep it to only our family and closest friends.
After not receving a few responses, I reached out to those guests to get a count. One of my friends responded, (mind you this is 3 weeks after the responses were due), shes is sorry she didnt send it out…she put the RSVP in the mail….and she coming and her plus one is going to be her sister. I guess this was her way of A) telling me her marriage is doing well and B)drop a bomb on me. I am not sure how to even react to this or what to do. That was a week ago.
I still have not received the RSVP card but also, because we are having such a small intimate wedding, and truly only want a select group of family and friends there….how do I approach her and tell her I really dont want her sister there. WE, my fiance and I dont even know her!!! Im just overwhelmed for more than one reason, A) this is so awkward and uncomfortable, B) who just brings a random person to a wedding…knowing all the details and C) WTF Sorry its just beyond my comprehension. Any advise would be great!!!!
Post # 2
I think you have to be open with your friend, if the original invitation was addressed to her and her husband then she can’t substitute his invitation for one of her own choosing. If the original invitation was ‘friend + 1’ with the assumption that her SO would be that +1 then it’s a little harder to justify saying no but it’s still your prerogative to do so (never give unnamed +1s for small, intimate weddings imo.)
Maybe she and her sister fancied a girly trip to Italy together, which is fine – they can still have a holiday, share a hotel room and make plans for other days etc but the sister is not invited to attend your wedding and will have to entertain herself for that particular day.
Post # 3
GNW : I’mma play a bit of devil’s advocate here….
A) this is so awkward and uncomfortable
Well, only if you make it be. Try to see this from her side. It’s a destination wedding, from the sounds of it. Perhaps her hubby can’t go and she doesn’t want to go alone, but she really wants to go and support you.
B) who just brings a random person to a wedding…knowing all the details
Not sure what you mean by knowing all the details. Would she have any reason to know your plans? She’s not a bridesmaid, just a guest.
I think if this is the biggest guest issue you have, that’s actually pretty darn awesome. Is this a battle you want to pick to fight, or leave alone?
IMO – she should have called to ask if this was okay. At the same time, I don’t think this is the drama you think it is. Is the sister awful, or do you just not know her well? Will your friend have anyone else there she knows well, or would she be alone? Did you write in the hubby’s name or was it just a plus one?
You’re well within your rights to say no to the sister, I’m not trying to say that you aren’t. But I think there are legitimate reasons for her to want to bring her sister.
Post # 4
It’s been a week since she mentioned it. The time to correct the RSVP situation was when it first came up. At this point I think you may be stuck with the sister; there’s no real way to politely correct this after letting it sit for a week.
I’m assuming that the wedding being in Italy means it’s a destination wedding so the sister has probably already spent a ton of money on airline tickets.
Post # 5
Lol, have you read weddingbee much? This is really not that shocking of a guest dilemma. Either let the sister come because your friend probably doesn’t want to do an international (I’m guessing) trip alone, or tell her you’re really sorry but the invite wasn’t transferable and you don’t want people there that you haven’t specifically invited.
Also, the questions sassyspoonicus asked.
Post # 6
GNW : Personally, I don’t see this as a major wedding dilemma at all. I wouldn’t want to travel all the way to Italy alone considering the cost and travel time (I’m in the U.S. so maybe you live closer to Italy). I understand that you want an intimate wedding, but is it really going to matter that much if her sister is there? I agree with previous posters, if you addressed it to her and her husband than you are well within your rights to say no to the sister. That said, I wouldn’t.
Post # 7
Honestly, I think it’s pretty rude to not let the sister come. If you want your friend to come to your destination wedding, she should be allowed to bring someone with her. I sure wouldn’t want to go on an international trip alone. Also, if her marriage is really falling apart, then maybe she wants her sister there to help her get through this period. It might be hard for her to watch such a happy marraige event when her own is ending. The sister is there to provide her emotional support.
If you really don’t want the sister to be there then I think you need to let them know ASAP, and be prepared for your friend to not attend at all. You should also refund them any travel expences they have already lost because you let the issue sit.
Post # 8
- Wedding: Gloucestershire, UK
If it were a local wedding, I’d totally be on team “send a polite text explaining that it’s super intimate and that you’d really only like people there you and hubs know etc”. However, it sounds like it’s a destination wedding.
Regardless of her reasons for not having her husband as her +1, would you not want her to have a guest with her, to keep her company and to have fun with? No matter how well I knew the couple, I’d never, ever, agree to go to a destination wedding by myself. Travelling alone is just no fun – and what happens after the wedding, which will be like half a day at most? Does she just pop along home? The beauty of destination weddings is that your guests have the opportunity to relax and stay a while, enjoying the place you’ve chosen. That’s almost impossible by yourself.
Was it super rude for her to assume she could just bring anyone? Yes. However, it’s pretty cruel to expect a guest to travel alone. I’d let this one go if you want her to be there.
Post # 9
I had a really similar situation happen at my wedding and I just let it go. We had a small destination wedding in Las Vegas but one couple was local. A few days before the wedding (we may have even been in Vegas already when I found out) the local guy told us that he wouldn’t be bringing his FI but some girl that he and my DH went to high school with…that lived in another state and “happened” to be in town??? I was upset about it but didn’t say anything and we just let her come. Yes it’s super annoying to me that there was a person I’d never met before at my 10 person wedding but she’s only in a couple pictures and I didn’t feel it was worth making a stink over, especially because we had other drama going on.
Post # 10
I don’t think this is that bad, you had invited her husband so it’s not as if she added an additional person at the last minute, at least it doesn’t mess with your headcount!
If you really don’t want anyone you don’t know there ,then you have to accept that your friend probably won’t attend.
Post # 11
She probably doesn’t want to travel all the way to Italy by herself. I don’t think her wanting to bring her sister is rude at all. I also had a small DW (28 people) and gave all our single guests +1s (couples were invited together too of course) because I didn’t want to essentially force them to take a vacation by themselves.
Should she have RSVPed on time and asked you about it beforehand? Of course. But a week has passed and your already said yes. So it sounds like you’re stuck anyway.
Post # 12
GNW : Honestly, I think you need to let it go…she told you she was coming with a plus one so there you have it…she’s coming with a plus one. It’s a destination wedding, so you really have to give people a bit more leeway when it comes to plus ones as most people don’t want to go to a foreign country alone. I had a smaller wedding and a couple people brought their siblings or a friend. I didn’t even notice.
Post # 13
Let the sister come. Especially as it sounds like she might be having marital issues
Post # 14
Thank you everyone for your input. My fiancé & I are paying for the entire wedding ..the 4 night stay at the villa and every breakfast lunch and dinner and obviously the wedding day for all our guests. Everyone at the wedding are close friends and family that we know and have known for many years.
My friend has travelled internationally many times on her own both for business and pleasure visiting friends in London and France. Just saying
I know and understand your point, but I truly feel uncomfortable having someone at my wedding that I have never met. Especially when I cut my list down tremendously to keep it very intimate.
I haven’t let anything slide. She text me about attending and to date I still have not received her RSVP. Maybe I didn’t make that clear. I was boarding my flight to Italy to visit my vendors and was a little beside myself and wanted to digest it before I approached her
Im most certain she did not purchase her plane ticket yet The wedding is 5 months away for those of you who are curious .. The reason I needed the RSVPs early is because I needed to have a count for the villa & the vendors for all the accommodations.
Again many thanks for your input
Post # 15
So you were planning to pay for her husband, right? So the cost thing shouldn’t be a factor. And I get that it took you by surprise that she wants to bring someone else, byt traveling to visit friends alone and for business are both much different than going to a four day wedding alone. Will she know anyone else? Will she have anyone to sight see with?
Just be kind and let her bring her sister. You can meet her before the wedding if it’s in five months, and then you will not have anyone you don’t know there. Problem solved!