MAJOR WEDDING GUEST DILEMMA

posted 1 week ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think you have to be open with your friend, if the original invitation was addressed to her and her husband then she can’t substitute his invitation for one of her own choosing.  If the original invitation was ‘friend + 1’ with the assumption that her SO would be that +1 then it’s a little harder to justify saying no but it’s still your prerogative to do so (never give unnamed +1s for small, intimate weddings imo.)

Maybe she and her sister fancied a girly trip to Italy together, which is fine – they can still have a holiday, share a hotel room and make plans for other days etc but the sister is not invited to attend your wedding and will have to entertain herself for that particular day.

 

Post # 3
Member
23 posts
Newbee

GNW :  I’mma play a bit of devil’s advocate here….

 

A) this is so awkward and uncomfortable

Well, only if you make it be. Try to see this from her side. It’s a destination wedding, from the sounds of it. Perhaps her hubby can’t go and she doesn’t want to go alone, but she really wants to go and support you. 

B) who just brings a random person to a wedding…knowing all the details

Not sure what you mean by knowing all the details. Would she have any reason to know your plans? She’s not a bridesmaid, just a guest.  

C) WTF

I think if this is the biggest guest issue you have, that’s actually pretty darn awesome. Is this a battle you want to pick to fight, or leave alone? 

 

IMO – she should have called to ask if this was okay. At the same time, I don’t think this is the drama you think it is. Is the sister awful, or do you just not know her well? Will your friend have anyone else there she knows well, or would she be alone? Did you write in the hubby’s name or was it just a plus one? 

You’re well within your rights to say no to the sister, I’m not trying to say that you aren’t. But I think there are legitimate reasons for her to want to bring her sister.

Post # 4
Member
6220 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s been a week since she mentioned it. The time to correct the RSVP situation was when it first came up. At this point I think you may be stuck with the sister; there’s no real way to politely correct this after letting it sit for a week.

I’m assuming that the wedding being in Italy means it’s a destination wedding so the sister has probably already spent a ton of money on airline tickets.

Post # 5
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Lol, have you read weddingbee much? This is really not that shocking of a guest dilemma. Either let the sister come because your friend probably doesn’t want to do an international (I’m guessing) trip alone, or tell her you’re really sorry but the invite wasn’t transferable and you don’t want people there that you haven’t specifically invited. 

Also, the questions sassyspoonicus  asked.

Post # 6
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

GNW :  Personally, I don’t see this as a major wedding dilemma at all. I wouldn’t want to travel all the way to Italy alone considering the cost and travel time (I’m in the U.S. so maybe you live closer to Italy). I understand that you want an intimate wedding, but is it really going to matter that much if her sister is there? I agree with previous posters, if you addressed it to her and her husband than you are well within your rights to say no to the sister. That said, I wouldn’t.

Post # 7
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Honestly, I think it’s pretty rude to not let the sister come.  If you want your friend to come to your destination wedding, she should be allowed to bring someone with her.  I sure wouldn’t want to go on an international trip alone.  Also, if her marriage is really falling apart, then maybe she wants her sister there to help her get through this period.  It might be hard for her to watch such a happy marraige event when her own is ending.  The sister is there to provide her emotional support.

If you really don’t want the sister to be there then I think you need to let them know ASAP, and be prepared for your friend to not attend at all.  You should also refund them any travel expences they have already lost because you let the issue sit.

Post # 8
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: Gloucestershire, UK

If it were a local wedding, I’d totally be on team “send a polite text explaining that it’s super intimate and that you’d really only like people there you and hubs know etc”. However, it sounds like it’s a destination wedding.

Regardless of her reasons for not having her husband as her +1, would you not want her to have a guest with her, to keep her company and to have fun with? No matter how well I knew the couple, I’d never, ever, agree to go to a destination wedding by myself. Travelling alone is just no fun – and what happens after the wedding, which will be like half a day at most? Does she just pop along home? The beauty of destination weddings is that your guests have the opportunity to relax and stay a while, enjoying the place you’ve chosen. That’s almost impossible by yourself. 

Was it super rude for her to assume she could just bring anyone? Yes. However, it’s pretty cruel to expect a guest to travel alone. I’d let this one go if you want her to be there. 

Post # 9
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I had a really similar situation happen at my wedding and I just let it go. We had a small destination wedding in  Las Vegas but one couple was local. A few days before the wedding (we may have even been in Vegas already when I found out) the local guy told us that he wouldn’t be bringing his FI but some girl that he and my DH went to high school with…that lived in another state and “happened” to be in town??? I was upset about it but didn’t say anything and we just let her come. Yes it’s super annoying to me that there was a person I’d never met before at my 10 person wedding but she’s only in a couple pictures and I didn’t feel it was worth making a stink over, especially because we had other drama going on.

Post # 10
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I don’t think this is that bad, you had invited her husband so it’s not as if she added an additional person at the last minute, at least it doesn’t mess with your headcount!

If you really don’t want anyone you don’t know there ,then you have to accept that your friend probably won’t attend. 

Post # 11
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

She probably doesn’t want to travel all the way to Italy by herself. I don’t think her wanting to bring her sister is rude at all. I also had a small DW (28 people) and gave all our single guests +1s (couples were invited together too of course) because I didn’t want to essentially force them to take a vacation by themselves. 

Should she have RSVPed on time and asked you about it beforehand? Of course. But a week has passed and your already said yes. So it sounds like you’re stuck anyway. 

Post # 12
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee

GNW :  Honestly, I think you need to let it go…she told you she was coming with a plus one so there you have it…she’s coming with a plus one. It’s a destination wedding, so you really have to give people a bit more leeway when it comes to plus ones as most people don’t want to go to a foreign country alone. I had a smaller wedding and a couple people brought their siblings or a friend. I didn’t even notice.

Post # 13
Member
277 posts
Helper bee

Let the sister come. Especially as it sounds like she might be having marital issues 

Post # 15
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee

So you were planning to pay for her husband, right? So the cost thing shouldn’t be a factor. And I get that it took you by surprise that she wants to bring someone else, byt traveling to visit friends alone and for business are both much different than going to a four day wedding alone. Will she know anyone else? Will she have anyone to sight see with? 

Just be kind and let her bring her sister. You can meet her before the wedding if it’s in five months, and then you will not have anyone you don’t know there. Problem solved!

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