Post # 1
I’m having a black tie evening wedding. My fiance thinks we should make an exception to having a 5 month old baby at the wedding since his friend is from out of town. I have already told other guests that asked “no children” because of the environment and time of the wedding. Everyone that has asked has been totally fine with it and very understanding. I do not think it would be fair to let the 5 month old come to the wedding since I have already said “no” to others. I’m also concerned that he will cry during our ceremony which I have worked really hard on writing and hate the thought of him possibility crying during our vows. I have told my fiance to offer his friend child care that is available through the hotel and offer to pay for it . If his friend didn’t like that idea of the child care, then I would find someone I know personally to watch him and pay for it. I just don’t think it is fair to the other guests that I have said “no” to. He thinks we should let it go and not address it. I have told him if he doesn’t address it I will. I have agreed with my fiance that we will let the 5 month old come to our rehersal dinner. Am I being unreasonable about the wedding?
Post # 3
Finding a sitter and trusting someone with your child is a hassle. Especially a 5 month old. But this is exactly why you shouldn’t allow them to bring the baby. You’ve already told everyone no, and those people have done what they needed to do to make sure that their children aren’t coming. It wouldn’t be fair to make an exception for one person. I do think that offering to find someone that you know and trust to watch the baby is a good idea and a nice gesture. Personally, if I was the mother, being that the baby is only 5 months old, I would be staying home with the baby and just letting my husband go to the wedding..since he is the one that is friends with your fiance anyway!
If the baby/the couple was family, I would feel much differently. We’re having an adults only wedding, with the exception of our niece and our 2 nephews only. I think others can understand when the exception is made for family, but not for an out of town friend.
Post # 4
With no kid weddings it tough. Cause when it comes to peoples kids, they get offended easy. Its not like the baby is a new born. At 5 months, getting a sitter should be no problem. I say stand your ground and say no.
Post # 5
Do not budge on this. It is asinine of them to try to bring that young of a baby to a black tie event. The mother should stay home, or they could even bring someone they trust to hang out with the baby at the hotel/wherever they are staying while they attend your wedding. Also, if you allow this one baby to come but said no to others, you will look really bad. I would be pissed that my fiance would be asking to make an exception for someone who isnt even family! I have also never understood parents that somehow think a young baby belongs at a formal black tie event. Hope it all works out for you, you are definitely right in my opinion!
Post # 6
I’d say no. I’m having an evening wedding and have told my guests no children. Everyone has been fine with that. But it’s not fair to make an exception for one person when you’ve told everyone else no.
Post # 7
I did have a black tie wedding (Well, it turned out less formal but it was supposed to be black tie, ballroom, nighttime…) and we had several small kids there–a 1 month old, 2 babies–one just under and one just over a year, and a 2 and 4 year old. I think it was lovely–so no, inviting a baby will not ruin your wedding.
However, it is not fair to your other guests who aren’t bringing their kids. Offer a sitter.
Post # 8
A nursing infant is often the exception to the rule.
It depends on if you want this person in attendance. If you do, then I would make an exception. If you say no, expect that they will decline.
There is no etiquette rule that says you have to have a blanket policy. Anyone who questions a hosts guestlist is the rude one.
Post # 9
When you have a baby you assume responsibility of taking care of said baby. That means, that sometimes you have to miss out on events that aren’t appropriate for them to attend. They have two options, get a sitter, or not come. I don’t understand the entitlement that people have about bringing their kids places. My stepmom was like that, brought my sister to EVERYTHING even if she wasn’t invited – because heaven forbid get get a sitter or stay home. The whole “making an exception for nursing moms” rule, is silly. Your employer doesn’t make that exception. You can’t bring your baby to work because they nurse. A wedding is no different.
We’re having a no kid wedding. So far we haven’t gotten any major resistance. We have had one person tell Future Mother-In-Law that if they can’t bring the kid they won’t be able to come. Well, sorry, you’ll be missed. It’s not fair to the rest of my guests.
FWIW, I’m the last of my friends to have kids. They all have at least 2 kids each, and seriously MOST of our outings include their children and I love it. That being said, they fully agree with me on the no kid wedding and have no issue getting a sitter. I will even be hiring a sitter for Out of Town guests should they want to use it.
Post # 10
I said no. To me it seems simple while it would be nice to have them there, if they can’t find a sitter/ or don’t feel comfotable coming without the baby then unfortunately they should just turn down the invite
Post # 11
Don’t do it. If I went to all the trouble to find a babysitter so I could attend No Kids wedding, only to arrive and find kids there, I’d be furious.
Post # 12
I think it depends on if the baby is still nursing. If they are able to travel without the baby, that would be ideal, however if she is still breastfeeding they obviously won’t be able to travel without the baby.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
If she’s still breastfeeding, she can pump and freeze it- a friend who had to travel for work did this (kind of sounds like bend and snap)
You have two great babysitting options for this friend- I’m doing something similar for our Out of Town guests with children. Are these parents aware that the wedding is no-children (I assume so, since you said the other parents are)?
Post # 14
Nope do not give in!!!
W have a friend who will have a 4-5 month old at the wedding and she has already organized for her parents to look after The baby that night (she hasn’t even given birth yet!) and my sister will have a 1-2 week old, she’s not coming for the reception but will be at the ceremony without the baby. It’s all about your decision and people should respect this ESP when we’re the ones paying the bill at the end of the day!
Post # 15
Well given that your wedding is in July, that gives them over a month to find a sitter. And the last time I checked, people generally know about weddings ahead of time, so I imagine that your guest has been familiar with this for a while.
And assuming she can, pumping is an option for breast milk.
I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but if I had a kid that I had to find and pay a sitter for to attend your wedding, and then someone showed up with their kid… I’d be pissed. And it’s pretty rude to assume that the world revolves around your kid, and that it’s your prerogative to bring it to every possible event you deem acceptable, even when others cannot.
Post # 16
It depends – is the mother breastfeeding? If she is, it makes it a lot more difficult to find someone to look after him. Also, if you make an exception for this baby will other people be upset?