"Make babies now" rant…

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Pinkmoon:  FH and I have been going through the same thing ever since we hit our first anniversary. Most of it comes from his dad though. He wants us to “carry on the family name”, but even if I did want kids, I would not keep getting pregnant so we have the mighty male child to carry on the family name. 

It used to just annoy me because I thought it was just FFIL wanting some grandkids, but no. He wants more some with his last name. FSIL’s kids don’t cut it because she’s married and has a different last name. 

So basically, we need to have heterosexual sons to continue to the family legacy.

This is not the 15th century. 

No. Just, no. 

Post # 5
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

@Pinkmoon:  Maybe you should tell his family you guys will be CBC? You may have to deal with some initial pushback, but maybe all the random discussion aimed at your reproductive life will stop. 

 

There are alot of people who don’t like kids, but have them anyway. I see their kids on the psych unit I work at all the time. Its good that you know yourself well enough to realize you don’t have to have children just because you live in a culture that says that is whay you have to do once you get married.

Post # 6
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

 

I’m not even engaged and my SO and I are constantly getting the “babies bombardment”, especially because his sister has a two year old. I also agree that a lot of pregnancy is kind of disgusting (particularly the labor) and IF I do want ONE child, it will probably be several years down the road. It does offend me when people talk to women in a way that is insensitive and equates a woman to breeding stock. 

I’ve actually been brutally honest and said, “If I want one, it’ll be on my terms, and I don’t appreciate everyone assuming what I want”. I’ve also replied to the coddling of a baby and saying, “Doesn’t this just make you want to have one?!?!?!” with a deadpan, “No.” and walking away haha. I’ve also replied to, “Don’t worry, you’ll change your mind one day” with “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN MYSELF AND MY S.O. DO”. It’s insulting hearing that, because it implies that you’re immature, and only mature women want children.

 

Anywho, I’ll stop my mini rant by saying preach it, sister!

Post # 7
Member
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Pinkmoon:  Yes. It’s infuriating. And it’s not like we could have adopted a child and it been ok, because that’s not FFIL’s blood so it’s invalid. I typically get along with the guy, but I have been avoiding him for almost the entire holiday season because he is so much worse about the “have a baby now” thing. 

Like yesterday he mentioned how much more fun Christmas would be if he had some more grandkids… 

Post # 8
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

@SouthernGirl:  This must be a Southern thing, because my husband’s family is the same way. He’s the only male and his father was the only male, so at his GRANDFATHER’S FUNERAL, his aunt grabbed him, hugged him and said ‘have lots of boys’ so they can carry on the family name. His family is all from Tennessee, but mine is from California, and they speak nothing of this madness. It’s so creepy.

We are planning on having children but of our own volition, not because he’s been commanded to have male spawn.

Post # 10
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

@SouthernGirl:  Dudes are so weird. My FI does not, in any way shape or form, want children. However, he told me that when he was younger, he thought he would have them when he grew up, so he could “carry on the family name”. Then, when his brother and SIL had two boys, he thought, “Awesome, now I don’t have to have kids anymore.” My FI is a liberal, progressive, fairly enlightened kind of guy. But seriously?? I can’t understand it.

My FI’s grandmother makes grand children comments. I’m not planning on having kids. Not at all. But I put up with her comments because I love her. She’s old and can say whatever she wants. Same with my grandpa. Our parents, however (ESPECIALLY MY MOM WHO DRIVES ME NUTS ABOUT GRANDBABIES) do not get the same lenience. My mom actually told me she would have spent Christmas with me this year if I had a child, but since I don’t she wasn’t going to. WTF? 

Post # 11
Member
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@thejucheidea:  I’m not sure. My parents and grandparents were all born and grew up around here, and none of them are like FFIL. My grandmother has 11 sisters, but it wasn’t like her mom just kept having kids hoping for a boy, they lived on a farm. My grandfather has a brother and a sister, so they had a small family by the norms for the time. My dad was never specific on having a boy over a girl, he and my mom just decided they wanted two children.  I don’t know. I get that the south can sometimes be backwards, but I have never met someone so adamant about having male children. 

@Pinkmoon:  Exactly. They must be heteosexual, virlle, male children insterested in having more male children. For all eternity. 

Post # 12
Member
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Pepperwoodsy:  That is pretty messed up. My mom used to mention grandkids all the time. And I usually went with it because she was my mom, and then one day I told her that I was not planning on having any children. She fought me on it a bit and told me that I would change my mind, but after a few years, she’s stopped. My brother wants to have at least three kids, so she’s fine with that. 

Post # 13
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

@SouthernGirl:  The weird thing is, my mom has multiple grandchildren already, from my two older sisters. I have a younger sister who wants kids someday, too. I’m hoping my mom is coming around. She did go into the kids toy section to buy my cat a toy to cuddle with. Which was weird, but is maybe a sign she’s deciding to just treat the cat like a grandchild, which is fine with me! 

Post # 14
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@Pinkmoon:  

 

Yes, I relate.

Have you thought of just lying and telling them that you’re infertile?

Ugh… I can’t think of any better advice than that. Sorry. 

Post # 16
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I definitely want to have kids, but I will agree with you when I say it’s really tiring hearing “how about now? do you want kids now?” at every gathering. My husband and I got married almost 3 months ago. Within an hour of being legally married, FIL asked me if I was pregnant yet. He was half drunk, so I just laughed it off, but everytime we call him to chat or see him he’ll ask if I’m pregnant yet. I think it might be because he has no real grandkids of his own. He and MIL divorced a long time ago, and SIL isn’t FIL’s daughter so her kids aren’t his. He remarried and his new wife has 5 grandkids. He’s step-poppy of sorts, but they aren’t his actual grandkids. I think that’s why he’s pushing. We want to start TTC in the next year or two, but he’ll just have to wait.

If they push for it everytime they see you, just tell them you’re CBC. Or, like PP said, tell them one of you is infertile.

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