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I think it's reasonable to give the girls an overall vision for their makeup. If you're not paying for it, or providing someone to do it, then you will have to allow them to have a little creative liscense, but if you explain your vision, I am sure they will not have a problem with it!
I feel like if you're going to dictate too extensively how to wear their makeup, you should pay for them to have their makeup done. Does she normally wear bold makeup? Is red unusual? I think i'ts ok to subtly, once, mention some color palettes you were thinking of to maintain some cohesiveness in the party, but I'd only bring it up once. Did you say anything to her when she mentioned red lips? Or did you just stay quiet? Personally, my MOM wears this weird purple-red color of lipstick EVERY DAY. It looks good on her exotic skin tone with most outfits. While I preferred she go more of a red color (her dress was red) for my wedding, she was adamant about wearing her own lipstick. I mentioned it to the makeup artist and said, "what do you think?", and walla! The makeup artist pulled out the PERFECT shade to go with mom's dress that satisifed her need for bold lips and my need for something not purply (which clashed with red anyways). Sometimes it's good to have a professional on your side for color tweaks. =]
A few of my bridesmaids don't normally wear makeup. EVER. I felt rude asking them to actually wear a full face of makeup for my wedding so I paid someone to do their makeup the right way. Otherwise I know they would've showed up with minimal makeup on or too much blush or who knows what. I showed the lady the swatches, photos of my dress, etc, and everybody looks cohesive and glam.
i dont think is asking too much... well if your not paying for makeup then you cant tell them how you want them to do their make up, but u can just suggest that you would like them to have a soft and fresh make up for the wedding day..red lipstick is not much if she actually wears light make up on her eyes..they just need to balance it..if they want dark lipstick then they should go light on their eyes and vice versa... if you think they are doing a good job with their make up i wouldnt worry..just tell them to wear a fresh, fun and clean look..
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The other day while shopping with my MOH, she mentioned that she envisioned herself wearing blood red lipsstick, which she thought would look really dramatic with the dress. My MOH does fantastic make-up and always looks amazing, but the idea of blood red lips didn't sit well with me. I consider myself a pretty laidback bride - I asked all the girls to pick our their own dresses (same colour and fabric was the only criteria), and there are no obligations to get hair and MU done professionally (mostly because my girls do fantastic jobs on their own and I wanted to save them $$)
Since they would be doing their own MU, s it too much to ask that the girls all try to have similar looks for the wedding day? I envisioned something soft and femenine, since our colours are very dark, and my one feminine touch is the accent colour - blush pink. I don't expect them to all look exactly the same, since everyone has different features BUT I just worry that the image my MOH described will clash, especially if all the other girls don't do the same (and I definitely know that I wouldn't go that route - I personally like subtlety.)