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Could you make him a ring bearer, or otherwise involved in the wedding party? If people become offended it would be an easy explanation for his presence.
@KatM: We have a ring bearer already (FI's friend who we couldn't fit into the wedding party).
I do think involving him in the wedding is a good idea as well, I just can't figure out what I would have him do!
I was in the same situation so I know exactly what you mean. I’m not a fan of children in general so I flat out refused to allow everyone I know with offspring to bring their children to our wedding. The problem with this is that I have 3 younger cousins who are more like brothers to me. They absolutely had to be at our wedding so we opted to include them in the BP. My 2 older cousins (13 & 14) are our ushers and my youngest cousin (6) is the RB. The only other kids we’re including are FI’s cousins because they’re OOT (and they’re 13+ going on 30). We made it crystal clear that the only kids included would be those in the BP and anyone OOT (thankfully FI’s cousins are the only OOT kids) and I’ve yet to hear a single complaint about it. I think people realize that it’s totally acceptable to include kids in the BP and those OOT at an “adults only” reception.
Is it possible for you to throw a nice button down shit on your nephew and call him an usher? At 10 years old, he could definitely take on the task of handing out programs or something. That way he’s technically part of the BP so if anyone wanted to complain about it, there’s your excuse.
I think you can make an exception but maybe make him part of the wedding party. If you already have a ring bearer could he be an Usher or? Or swap the current ring bearer and make him an Usher? If you already have enough Ushers then maybe invent a role like Ushers/ring bearers assistant?
Also....and I'm ashamed to admit my immaturity here....I lol'd at your P.S and would have probably been in stitches at the alter if that happened at my wedding! Sorry lol.
@UpstateCait: Oh, it's such a relief to hear your story! Glad I'm not the only one in this boat.
I was thinking I could have him go down the aisle and hold a 'Here Comes the Bride' sign - but is 10 too old for that?
Maybe he could usher one of the mothers or grandmother's down the aisle?
I think either could work.
Thanks so much!
@Spoonie: Oh, trust me. I laughed so hard when it happened. But I don't think if I were the bride I would have been laughing - haha. I'm all for the seriousness of the ceremony and would hate to look back and think of that being said while I'm about to exchange rings!
@UpstateCait: I agree ... I was thinking he could pass out programs or stand over the guestbook.
I generally don't like the "include some/exclude some" thinking, especially when it's family. No doubt FI's family will be left thinking it's not fair.
We made an exception for my neice and his nephew. My neice was 14 mos and his nephew 13 years old...and I didn't apologize or feel like I owe anybody an explanation for that. They are our closest family.
Our ushers (my cousins) are escorting the grandmothers down the aisle and then looping back around to escort my mom. That's pretty much their only job but it works.
Personally I think it's YOUR freaking wedding so you should be able to invite and not invite who you want, but very few parents feel that way when it comes to their kid. I have a friend who wants to bring her kids everywhere. Even if I tell her specifically that her (incredibly badly behaving) children aren't invited to my families clearly not kid friendly christmas cocktail party, she shows up with them anyway. So many (not all!!) parents have a skewed view on how their children behave, and where its acceptable to bring them. When they show up to an event that they were told would be an adults only situation and see a child they're going to feel like the message is "well, really we meant not YOUR child." Their bound to feel slighted when they "realize" that their "well behaved child" wasn't invited to your "kid friendly wedding." (a wildly incorrect statements, but that's the way it will likely be viewed.)
You might be able to get around the possibility for drama if your nephew is IN the wedding. I mean, at that point you could just say "oh, we weren't inviting kids, except he's part of our wedding party so that's why I made this one exception."Other than that, if you tell people "no children" and then they see a child, your bound to get raised eyebrows and run the risk of pissing off your new family members. If you honestly don't give a damn (I kind of wouldn't) then do exactly what you want, pull the "it's MY wedding card," hold it high, and ignore anyone who bitches and moans.
I say invite who you want! We are having "No kids"...except for the wedding party, and some close family friends. My issue with the children is the "random" ones that you don't see very often, and couldn't be less interested in your wedding. Let people be mad, it's YOUR day!
@pinkshoes: That's a good point. Although the other ring bearer (30) might feel a little silly standing next to a ten year old who is a little more appropriate for the simple position.
I think you can invite whomever you want. Who else is invited is no guests business. You are inviting this child because you have a good relationship with him.
Maybe the rule is 'kids that I see on a weekly basis'. As opposed to age, height, etc.
I think thats fine. Considering he is your nephew, I think it makes sense. We considered a no kids wedding for a while too but we were going to do, no kids except nieces and nephews. I say go for it. Its your wedding and you can invite who you want.
@KateByDesign: We're going the "No kids" route...sorta. I have 2 nephews, he has 2 young cousins who he treats as nephews. There is no way we would have our wedding without them there. With that said we also have several guest with small children coming from out of state and out of the country. We in no way think it's fair to ask these guest traveling long distances to leave their kids behind, so their children are invited. And to be totally honest I don't give a damn what anyone says about not being able to bring their children, who we invite to our wedding is of no concern to our guests. I have a cousin who recently got married and had "Adult only reception" written on her invitation, well there were probably 10 kids there and not once single person sitting at my table who wasn't able to bring their children gave a damn. Not everyone wants to bring their kids to weddings.
Put him in the bridal party (ring bearer). That's what I'm doing with the one child I want there!
Bumping because my FMIL was just informed that my nephew is going to be the only kid there. I have made him the ring bearer.
She thinks this is going to cause a lot of drama and I need to choose between my nephew and having all kids at the wedding.
I really don't want the later, but she's paying for the wedding and I feel like I'm being forced into a corner. I sent out the invitations yesterday saying it was an adult only reception.
I cried most of last night because I feel like I'm in a really tough spot. Any further advice?
@KateByDesign: I would recommend making him a "junior groomsman," which is what we did for DH's then-11-year-old son. I also had two junior bridesmaids (one, DH's then-13-year-old daughter and the other the then-10-year-old daughter of my best friend (who was one of my matrons of honor.) Like the relationship you've had with your nephew, I am so close to this little girl that I really wanted to have her in my wedding. She has been like a daughter to me.
I agree. I think its a one rule fits all thing, or people could get upset. We said "adult only reception" We are okay with kids at the ceremony bc that is in our oppinion a family even, the after part however is not. We do have a son though, and of course want him there for some of the reception. He is going to do part of our first dance with us etc, and is then going to the sitters until the end of the reception. In order to do that we said no children unless in the wedding party, that equals our son, there are no other kids in our WP no flower girls or anything like that. If you can include him in some way I think that is going to be your best option.
You could get him to do a reading at the ceremony or a small speech at the reception. I am sure people will understand
The downside of FMIL paying for the wedding is she has just as much right to pull funding as you do to invite who you want. Since she is technically the host, HER family may feel she is complicent in the "adult only except for the bride's family" party. She might not be willing to take the flack for that. See if making the nephew a ring bearer smooths this over with her.
I think it will make more sense to other people if you include him in the wedding. The only exception to our no kids wedding reception is my sister's newborn. She just had a baby and it will be about 1 month old and breastfeeding so everyone should be able to understand why she's invited.
kids are people too!! i never understood no kids at weddings?? i want my younger siblings and my fiance's nephews there.. if i said no kids at my wedding i think my own parents wouldn't even come haha.. and neither would my fiance's sister
but to each his own.. i think kids at receptions are cute :) they have fun with the other kids there..
your nephew might get bored being the only kid there?? i know my 9 year old sister gets bored when she's the only kid but when there's another kid there she forgets i exist and doesn't bug me.
If I was the parent of the kids who were not going to the wedding, I would be very excited that you arranged babysitting! I would never think to question why other kids were there. I would think it was none of my business, and I would be thankful I could relax a bit.
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So, here's the deal. I have always stated that I have no desire for kids to be at my wedding. I cringe when I hear a baby cry during a ceremony and when family members have to leave early due to their children misbehaving or just needing to go to bed. I've always seen weddings as an "adult-only" event. My reception is also at a winery and not very kid friendly.
Having said that, I have a 10 year old nephew whom I am very close with. I was there when he was born, I see him every week. I've been at every birthday party for the past 10 years. He is an extremely well behaved boy, and because he has grown up an only child, does very well at occupying himself. I would like for him to be at my wedding, and YES, be the one exception to the "no kids" rule. No one else on my guest list has children.
On my FI's side of the guest list, he has guests with a total of 7 children under the age of 8. These are all of his cousin's kids. 3 of whom he has never met and the rest he has seen maybe once or twice in the past 5 years. He does not have a close relationship with any of them (including his cousins). We have offered to provide a babysitting service at another location for these kids during the wedding.
FI is afraid that people will be offended when they see my nephew there. However, I feel like an exception needs to be made seeing how close I am to him. I do see that people might be upset, but I'm trying my best to accomodate them in other ways.
Please let me know if this will be a total recipe for drama.
P.S.: We went to a wedding a while ago and one of his cousins kids were invited. During the quiet indoor ceremony someone scuffed their chair and the kid loudly asked, "WHO FARTED?" Ahhh!