Post # 1
Went to my first shower this past weekend. The guests consisted of relatives and long-time college friends who pretty much nurtured and ‘mommed’ me (like type A/alpha-females) while my family was away. Anyway, 5-10 of them slammed me at once when they found out I am going to cloth diaper. They ‘took bets’ on when how long it would take me to quit. NONE of them had tried it before.
My mom brought out my recent diaper purchase so they all saw firsthand how times have changed with the new and improved cloth diapers and that settled them down a little bit. They were pretty much in curiosity and wonder for a good 10 minutes (I was on the phone though) b/c it wasn’t what they expected. Still nobody wanted to back down or ask me anything further when I returned and dropped the subject.
I was still a little hurt and frustrated how vocal and opinionated people can be when it’s a preference thing and they are telling me what I should or shouldn’t be deciding for my future baby-raising. One minute, they are saying I’m going to be a great mom and the next minute they are second guessing my decisions and trying to talk me out of it (hard/messy/inconvenient/tiring). I also felt bummed b/c I have spent a lot of time researching and took some risk in going for it with the cloth diapers and am excited. Why does such a happy day have to have such a bummer?! Anyone relate or empathize?
Post # 3
I understand. I don’t believe in corporeal punishment and If/when we have a kid, we don’t plan to spank. the way our families respond to that, you’d think we’d just promised to give our future kids monthly rat poison shots.
Be Strong, they are not going to be the ones buying you diapers for the next 2 or so years, so they need to hush.
Post # 4
I am sorry that they are giving you a hard time about this. Don’t worry about what other people think/say. How you raise kids can be a huge issue to some people-no matter what you do. I raised my kids with the old cloth diapers and rubber pants to save $ and also because one of my kids had really sensitive skin-I couldn’t even put diapers on her sometimes-I would just hold her on my lap with a diaper under her. I also nursed my babies when “no one” else was! And made my own baby food. It all worked for us. BTW-I think possibly partly because I used cloth diapers I think they potty trained faster than most kids today-because they actually feel wet-instead of it being “wicked” away from their skin. Both my son & my daughter trained during their 2nd year, and it was relatively easy. 🙂
Post # 5
Cloth diapering in particular seems to be something most people are against based on how it used to be. The changes and improvements made more recently are not nearly as publicized as you’d like to think so I can see where people might look at you askance when you first mention it. But I think your mom did the right thing and showed those nay-sayers the differences between then and now and as you said, it seemed to settle them down. How you choose to raise your child is your business. I do understand though how you might be expecting support in something like that and the reaction you get isn’t even close to your expectation. But remember, to each his/her own. You’ll do great with it.
Post # 6
We had the same issue! People even went so far as to gift us with large boxes of paper diapers (which we’ve had to pass on to other friends).
Now that we’re 4 months into it, everyone thinks what we’re doing is “neat” and they are all kind of interested to learn more.
All that’s left is getting people to back off on feeding our child before 6 months! What is so compelling to people that they want to feed my child things? And why do they think it’s ok to take it upon themselves? We’ll feed her when she’s ready!
Post # 7
One of the crappy truths about becoming a parent (uhh much similar to having a wedding) is that you are going to get all kinds of unsolicited “advice” dumped on your head.
Post # 8
I will never understand why people think it’s their right to “convince” you that a parenting decision is wrong. As long as you’re not harming or neglecting your baby, most of it is just preference; some methods work better for some parents/babies than others, that’s all.
We’ve just started on elimination communication, and when we went to buy a training potty a couple weeks ago, the checkout lady at Babies R’ Us said, “That baby’s too little to use the potty! What are your parents doing to you, poor baby!” The potty we bought is specifically designed for supported sitters and infants. It’s not like a two or three year can even fit on this potty, so who else are we going to put on it?!
Post # 9
Yeah, I’m about 13 weeks along, and one thing I’m anticipating (and already learning) is that I just have to have a thick skin. Everyone has an opinion — breast or bottle, cloth or disposable, TV or no TV, baby in your bedroom or baby in the nursery, organic or regular food, etc, etc, etc.
It gets old. Do what you think is best, and disregard what people say, albeit in a polite way. Most people aren’t malicious, they just want to pass on the benefit of their experience. Or they feel defensive about their own choices. We’re all human.
So just be polite and smile and brush it off and don’t worry about it.
Post # 10
It will continue to happen as your child grows older and older. For us, we wanted to be active parents- for most of my siblings my mom has done 70% of the raising. I told her that we wanted our boys to recognize that we were the parents and thus the final authority. We also decided that the boys did not need a TV in their room and that they would not be allowed to eat junk food at such a small age. This was a field day for my sisters as their children pretty much eat junk food all the time and are in love with every show on tv. For the first 9 months they followed every rule but we saw that when we would leave the kids for extended periods of time we’d find evidence of ice cream, hours of tv, letting the kids spit etc. My FH was so annoyed that we basically don’t let them out of our sights now. Word of advise: no matter how bad they may make you feel STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!
Post # 11
@Mrs. DG: OMG YES! Everyone is asking us about our 4 month checkup and can we feed her “real food” now! WTH is up with that? She doesn’t look healthy enough for them??
@Mrs. Spring: We recently bought a little potty to try EC also. I told my mom about it and she thinks I’m “overdoing it.” I.e. I am over-parenting. I also recently bought a set of CD for overnight use, and I think my mom thinks I’m nuking it. I can hear her roll her eyes over the phone. But at least she doesn’t try to say anything, just leaves awkward pauses so I know she’s wanting to say something.
Some of the rules we’ll have for our kids are exactly opposite what my brothers have done, but we also are 180 degrees in how we treat/raise our pets so that doesn’t surprise me. I haven’t heard any criticism yet, most of the parents I’ve talked to are like “To each their own.”
It’s all the NON-PARENTS who seem to be haters! They haven’t even raised a child and they think they know bottle from breast? UGH. Get away from me before I slap you with my wet bag.
Post # 12
Unfortunately, can I say welcome to parenthood?
I am in the same boat. We’re expecting our first. I don’t know if it’s because it’s my first or if it doesn’t matter what child you’re on, but we are getting the same flak from lots of people. I’d prefer a natural childbirth with the least amount of medical intervention, I am planning to breatfeed, I am planning to cloth diaper, etc…We are getting opinions on everything.
Parenting is something that is so subjective and preference based, yet everyone will tell you the “right” way to do things. My advice is to politely but firmly stand your ground. Take the encouragement and support whenever you can get it, and try to let the rest roll off your back. You’ll be a great mom and only you can make the right decisions for your family.
Post # 13
Hi Lady Bees–I really appreciate all the support and feedback from each one of you, about this transitional time. 🙂 It means a lot to me and helps me to be better equipped to deal with the comments. (My pregnancy carpal tunnel is acting up during the day now, so won’t be able to write much.) ((♥))
Post # 14
MrsTilly is right–welcome to parenthood! EVERYTHING you do from here on out will be met with judgement and opinion. Don’t let your kid watch TV. Let them watch 20 hours of TV a day. Video games; no video games. Ear piercing at 12; ear piercing at 15…SOMEONE will be there to question and debate it.
Learn to just smile politely and let ’em judge and then go on your merry way.
(And as you know, plenty of women use cloth diapers just fine. Plus, for heaven’s sake–it’s not like you can’t have an emergency stash of disposables for those hard days. Sheesh.)
Post # 15
@Mrs. DG: I always thought (maybe too naive) that since I am a physician, people wouldn’t try to tell me how to raise our kids (when we have them). I can’t believe people are pushing you to feed her before six months, especially since you’re a pediatrician!
Post # 16
Ugh! We made the same choice about cloth diapers and are getting the same response. Our friends have outright laughed in our faces when we told them. We are also going to choose homebirth (after hundreds of hours of research on safety), and people who know *nothing* about it have said to my face, “That’s really dangerous and I don’t support it.” Why do people think their uninformed opinion is so superior to what we as the parents think is best???