Post # 1
All right, so my fiance is naturally excited about the wedding, but he is completely indifferent to the planning (because I’ve taken the lead and have been doing pretty much all the planning since we got engaged). He says that all he wants is “to wear [his] dress blues and get married.”
Now, for the most part, I don’t mind this. I have a good idea of what I would like the day to be like, and I can manage.
However, there are certain elements to the day that I can’t get an answer on from him. I asked him today if we wanted to write our own vows, or just read from whatever the officiant might have. His answer? “Whatever you want.” When I explained to him that this has to be a mutual decision, and he needs to be comfortable with it, I got, “I really don’t care either way.”
THAT IS SO NOT HELPFUL, HONEY. :
I would be more than willing to write my side of the vows, but I can’t write his vows for him (well I could, but that’s completely missing the point of writing our own vows).
Any other bees go through this? I don’t want to make a decision that he will ultimately be unhappy with.
Post # 3
Yup, even with the vows. I just took control and handled everything. If he really doesn’t care, he can’t be unhappy with what you come up with. . If he actually cared, and then complained, then it’s up to him to fix it. If he doesnt care enough to fix it… then tell him not to complain and deal with it, or next time offer up an opinion when asked.
Post # 4
@soupydoopy: Haha he sounds EXACTLY like my FI! Every time I ask what he thinks/wants he says “I don’t mind, whatever you think”. For the most part i’m happy to pick things but the really important stuff I want his input! I’ve found that if I just make a passing comment he doesn’t give me much but if I actually sit him down and go through things, he’s more interested than I first expected!
The invites for example, I chose a whole bunch I would be happy with then sat him down and talked him through them and he was actually in to it, asking questions, giving opinions etc. (my favourite comment was ‘not that one, it’s too hippy, it looks like we’re getting married in bare feet’ lol)
My advise, do a bit of the initial leg work so it’s not so daunting (don’t give him TOO many options!) and then get his opinion. At the end of the day, if he’s happy with your choices and he’s at least had a bit of input, i’m sure he’ll be happy!
Post # 5
@soupydoopy: If he’s apathetic about writing his own vows now, I wouldn’t force it and just use the regular vows, unless writing your own is very important to you.
Post # 6
@soupydoopy: DH did EXACTLY this. I told him I didn’t mind choosing (not entirely true) as long as he didn’t complain about anything I picked. He agreed and I chose everything the way I liked. We have similar tastes anyways, and I didn’t agonize over much because I didn’t care either.
Post # 7
My husband was the most indifferent groom known to man. He didn’t care about any of it. So I just did what I wanted to do. If YOU want to write your own vows, tell him he needs to write his. Simple.
Post # 8
It’s funny, my FI is apathetic to most of it, but Writing the Vows is the one thing he is passionate about (because writing is his passion). The thing is though, he just said he is going to write his own without asking me if I wanted to write my own or not. lol
Post # 9
@soupydoopy: Yes. Fi and I are both like this. In two seconds we agree to shit and peace is made and onto other things. I’m no help to your dilemma, lol, sorry. For you, I’d say let him know gently how important the details of vows are, etc. Get him to just contribute one heartfelt and genuine vow statement. Marriage is a big deal and most times than not people just need that one passionate push/convo to a heartfelt contribution.
Post # 10
I feel like there are three options here:
1. He really doesn’t care.
2. He’s overwhelmed by choices.
3. He does care on some level, but wants you to make whatever decisions will make you happiest.
Assuming that the third is the most likely, I would calmly explain what you’re leaning towards and why, and then ask him if that makes sense or if he has any input for you. If his biggest motivator is your happiness, then you’re going to have to put in a little bit of work to make him realize you’re happy with whatever you decide together.