Post # 1
Just wondering, how do you choose between equally good friends for BMs?
I have two close groups of friends…4 of them are girls from college who roomed with me the whole time. They are my oldest friends that I’m still in close contact with, and we have a long history together.
The other group is another 4 girls who live in the city I live in right now. I have known them for less time but see them on a more day-to-day basis and they are more a part of my life at the present moment.
Last but not least is my sister-in-law, who I really want to be in the wedding.
If I had my druthers I’d say the more the merrier and include all nine of them. My Fiance said absolutely no way, though, no more than five in the bridal party.
So…how did you choose? And how do you deal with any hurt feelings that might ensue? My Fiance says the group that is not asked will probably be relieved because being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can be expensive, but I’m not so sure. People get sensitive about things like that. Do I try to honor the ‘other’ group in a different way? Or just do away with a bridal party altogether and have my SIL be my MOH only, so I can say it was family only?
Post # 3
Ha! I did the family-only thing. But, I have two sisters and one Future Sister-In-Law so it isn’t quite small. He chose three friends (two from way back and one from now) and also my brother. He wants me to choose one more girl, so the sides are even, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I am just leaving it as-is. We do have a Flower Girl so she’s technically on the girl side! 🙂
Both my sisters had 5 or 6 BMs and they’ve said that the one thing they’d change is to have just sisters in the bridal party. But I haven’t heard it from the potential Bridesmaid or Best Man point-of-view (would they have been disappointed or upset if my sisters didn’t include them?). GL with your decision. Try to hold off asking anyone – you never know! I waited until the 6 month mark to officially ask.
Post # 4
Why does your Fiance only want 5? Explain to him you feel close to all of these woman and tell him to stuff it…nicely, of course. I agree about waiting awhile to ask. You never know what will happen. Also, don’t do away with your bridal party. It seems like you really want one and it would be a shame not to have people to spend your day with if you want them.
Post # 5
I also want to know why your Fiance is so against it. Does he not want to ask 9 GMs? If so you can have an uneven Bridal Party. Also, are you close to any of these girls’ boyfriends or husbands? Do you have any brothers who can be GM?
If you don’t have all nine girls, I would say your other options would be just your SIL, SIL and college friends, or SIL and new friends. I don’t think there is an option for 1 or 2 from one group, and 1 or 2 from another. If I was in your situation I would either just have the Maid/Matron of Honor, or have all nine.
Post # 6
I think that you should invite whomever you feel will support you the most, can afford it, and who you want to stand next to you. Because even though it may hurt the other girls’ feelings (in the short term), you’ll be happiest with whoever will wear the dress you ask them to, and whoever gets you through the tough bride moments. If you just ask people so you don’t offend anyone, you’ll get stuck regretting it.
Post # 7
We decided to go with our best friend and siblings… we both have other close friends we would have loved to have stand up for us, but didn’t want to get into the same problem you’re having with asking so-and-so but not so-and-so.
If you don’t have all your girls in the wedding party itself, maybe you can honor them in other ways? You could have them as ushers, have a group dance with just your girls, etc.
Post # 8
Thanks for the advice! As far as Fiance, he does not want a big ‘production’ for our wedding. He really didn’t want a bridal party at all, I think he was envisioning just he and I in a more intimate setting. So the formal bridal party was something of a compromise to begin with, I think the thought of such a big procession is just too much for him though.
I think I will have to either go with one group or the other. Also considering asking just a couple cousins + SIL to do it so I can say it really is family only. So long as that doesn’t raise the same freaking can of worms with the cousins…I have 8 but I think they would be chill about it if I explained the situation and asked for just a couple of volunteers.