Post # 1
Is anyone else / did anyone else make their families travel a significant distance for their wedding? Both my fiance and I are from the New York area, family is there… we are 3,000 miles away in California. We’ve found pretty much nowhere we want to do the wedding within an hours’ drive of the families (really expensive, densely populated area). So now we’re looking at either planning something 2 hours from home (argh stress!) or near where we live now (argh family drama!). We just had our first venue tours out in the Santa Cruz mountains this weekend and are loving the options we’re finding near us.
Is it a jerk move to ask our families to fly out to where we are? Both sides are complaining about the possibility, but I’m having trouble discerning whether we’re seriously inconveniencing them and should go east or whether they just like complaining. I’d love to hear from other people who have dealt with this.
Post # 3
My wedding is in Indianapolis which is about 1.5 hours from my immeadiate family (although I do have a handful of family members in the Indy area). I also have family travelling in from FL and Calgary, Canada and all of FI’s family will be travelling from FL and GA. Granted, Fiance and I are also travelling from Dallas to the IN wedding, but we’ve only lived in TX since April so its not like we have any attachment/history here yet.
You need to have the wedding where it works best for you as a couple. Yes, keep your families in mind, but they shouldn’t be the only factor in your decision. Cost, ease of planning for you, location of family and friends, location of venues with significance to you and your Fiance, etc all need to be taken into consideration. Especailly if you have both lived in CA for some time and plan to stay there, it seems very logical to me that you’d also wish to be married there.
If you decide to go with CA, just make sure to give your families lots of notice of the date so they have plenty of time to save for the cross-country plane tickets!
Post # 4
I’m making my family travel 14 hours. While its not as far as you its still not two hours away. His family will have to make a 3 hour trip. I don’t think its a “jerk” move as you put it but you do need to prepare yourself for people not liking it and also not having as many people come. (For me having a smaller wedding was a selling point in having a “destination” wedding.) I think its completely understandable for you to want the wedding where you are.
Post # 5
We had our wedding in StL to avoid making his whole family fly somewhere. It sucked, but we compromised for them.
You could just go all destination =]
Post # 6
Similar situation. Fiance and I live in Sac, my whole family is east of the Mississippi. We are having the wedding in Mendocino County, so even his one aunt in California has to drive.
Honestly, some people complained, but a shockingly high number of people are RSVPing yes. Like, a few too many. It turned out that they all ended up figuring out how beautiful it is, and that they can have a great vacation out of the trip here.
If at all worried, do what I did: send a STD that features a beautiful photo of the area (not going to be hard). After I did that, people got really into it. Here’s mine (it was also really inexpensive):
Post # 7
I’m thinking about the additional costs associated with having a wedding in NYC and cringing. ESPECIALLY since you say the majority of your family lives near there – you’re going to have high attendance/RSVP rates (so, more $$ spent on that) in addition to the already higher cost of having the wedding there. Personally? I’d have it near you at a place you like and can afford, if you’re paying. You will have to accept that less people will RSVP yes, though. But that’s not always a bad thing 😉
Post # 8
Thanks for the responses! Being able to air my concerns to the Bee always makes me feel so much less stressed about them. And I hope no one was offended by my “jerk move” phrasing… I personally don’t think it is… I’m just paranoid that I’m imposing on people.
@MonitaJB – Seriously! Northern CA is so gorgeous. There’s some places that have looked amazing up in the Sacramento or Mendocino areas, but I’ve committed to at least staying within a reasonable drive of SFO/SJO.
@Melissabegins – The NYC area pricing is REALLY annoying. I know the Bay Area is pretty expensive as well, but the places that we’re looking at I feel like you get something (stunning location, entire weekend on the property, etc) for your money. I’m not into fancy stuff, so it feels like a huge waste doing it in my hometown, which is pretty fancy.