Post # 1
This wasn’t ever an issue for me pre-marriage, as much as it appears it is post-marriage.
I have single male friends that I have maintained a relationship – these are all friends I either met before or while I was dating DH. They are good friends and I enjoy the relationship I have with them. I spend time with them apart for DH and while it’s few and far between, DH doesn’t have an issue with it.
HOWEVER – this past weekend I met a single guy I would really like to be friends with. But, I’m feeling really strange about it. This feeling would have NEVER happened pre-marriage. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it and would have pursued the friendship.
But – for whatever reason – pursuing a new friendship with a single male seems wrong to me. Part of me is annoyed at feeling this way – because if it were a female, I’d have no issues with it.
I don’t know if it was also because DH wasn’t with me when I met this person (he’s a friend of a friend) …
ALL THAT TO ASK: do you have single friends of the opposite sex (that you spend time with apart from your DH/SO/FI) – and, if so, does that create any issues for you and your relationship?
Post # 3
I have lots of guy friends, and they are all now mutual friends with the hubs. I do hang out with them, without hubs from time to time, but there are no issues there. I don’t really think its appropriate to pursue a male friendship without your husband there, but that’s just my take on it
Post # 4
We hang out with the opposite sex, but we haven’t really made new friends since we’ve been together so it’s not an issue. Like you did, I always like to think how I would feel if it were me in his shoes, and since my husband is pretty friendly and outgoing, I don’t think it would be weird or make me upset if he were to make a new friend that’s a girl, so I wouldn’t be too worried about making a guy friend either.
Did you talk to him about it?
Post # 5
I have lots of male friends, and it doesn’t create issues. I don’t feel conflicted about it, and we’re not the kind of people to be jealous or not trust each other or be worried about appearances. (Not that anyone we know would judge us for having friends of whatever gender, but you know.)
Post # 6
I definitely do. I have a ton of guy friends, some of whom are married/attached and some of whom are single. One of my close guy friends lives nearby and sometimes I do stuff with him when my fiance is out of town or that he isn’t interested in (my guy friend and I are both geeks so we went to see Harry Potter and I left my fiance at home so he didn’t spend the whole movie making snide comments). There’s nothing threatening going on – in fact my fiance is also friends with this guy and mostly we all hang out together. In my case, I’m attracted to both men and women, so if I felt uncomfortable going out with anyone I could potentially be attracted to, I’d basically be glued at the hip to my fiance even more than we already are.
I think maybe what feels weird for you is that sometimes there’s that same awkwardness to becoming friends with someone (does s/he like me and want to hang out again, etc) that there can be with dating. I think as long as you’re clear both with yourself and with your friend that you’re interested in being friends (and he’s clearly interested in that as well) there’s nothing wrong with it.
Post # 7
I have lots of guy friends. I am even friends with some of my ex’s. Mr. Hedgie knows this. He has always been fine with it and so have I. We both know that they are JUST FRIENDS and that I am madly in love with Mr. Hedgie. I think it is, for us, about being secure in our relationship and knowing that just because I hang out with the opposite sex, doesn’t mean I am going to sleep with them. Hell, a really close friend of Mr. hedgies that he had a serious love for for YEARS is a really good friend of both of ours and one of my bridesmaids. He has no feelings for her anymore and I don’t even feel the slightest bit jealous when they hang out.
Post # 7
I don’t think theres anything wrong with it at all. It seems as though you both have an understanding that friends of the opposite sex is ok, and it works within your relationship. As long as there is an understanding between you and this single guy, and you speak about it with your husband, then it should all work out.
Personally, my fiance and I do not have that relationship. We only have friends of the same sex. And for us that works for us, our opposite sex friends kind of just floated away after a few years of being together. Other than our mutual friends, couple wise, we only integrate with our own gender, which is kind of wierd.
Post # 8
I dont have lots of guy friends. I had guy friends from high school but they are all douchebags now so I dont talk to them anymore. My best friend is a guy, but he is gay so I dont really know how it would be with DH if he were to be straight. DH had a best friend that was a girl when we first started dating but she stopped talking to him out of the blue a few years back. I dont think there is anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, we just dont. Though DH has some friends that I have hung out with on my own when he is out of town. Other than that, its pretty much same sex or couples for us!
Post # 9
I have male friends that I am quite close to, my two best friends are guys but right now that I am committed I dont go out of my way to find new male friends or make friends, I barely have that much time on my hands anyway. I have made friends at my job etc but I dont go out and meet them and call them up after work or anything like that
Post # 10
Follow your feelings. If you have a weird feeling about this one then don’t go for it. Trust your reaction.
Post # 11
It may not be so much an issue of having guy friends but moreso this particular guy. DH and I are highly involved in our Young Adults ministry and although his GMs and plenty of other guys are casual friends of mine, there have been some that were just like.. “ummm I don’t think I should really talk to him…” IDK it’s just like they seemed like trouble or I felt awkward like I needed to flash my wedding ring infront of them just so they knew not to try nothing. lol
From what I’ve seen in many young adults and other adults that my mom and some that I’ve counseled… Having relationships with someone of the opposite sex that’s single generally isn’t the best idea… and most guys will tell you that guys can’t really be friends with girls without thinking about or actually making a move sexually… which is always an awkward place to be when you’re in a marriage or any serious relationship for that matter.
I would definitely take heed to that feeling you have and probably wouldn’t pursue a friendship with this particular guy.
Post # 12
First off I would agree and say trust your feelings. It may not just be because you are married that you are getting a wonky (yes its a scientific term) feeling about this guy.
Secondly though I do have friends that are single. I met most of them when they weren’t single and neither was I, usually through mutual friends and now they are either 1) divorced or 2) broken up because they weren’t married. Two of these guys are single dads and I watch the ir daughters all the time. I don’t see anything wrong with being friends witht he opposite sex even if the person is single because not everyone will make a move on you and some guys genuinely see you as friends. My friends see me as a god send because their ex’s have nothing to do with their daughters and they honestly have no idea what to do with little girls when it comes to shopping, shoes, makeup and whatnot :P.
With that being said my FI has met all of my friends. A couple he is just casual aquaintances with now (its not that he doesn’t like them they just dont really have anything in common) and one he is becoming great friends with. I think as long is there is no problem with your SO, FI or DH meeting these people then there shouldn’t be anything to worry about. Its when either they or you are not comfortable introducing either your friends or thiers that there is a problem.
Post # 13
I have male friends of mine who have now become friends with DH also. I also make friends, both male and female, on my own. I tell DH about these people, he never has a problem with it. I don’t see a problem with making male friends, as long as they know you’re married, and your husband knows about it and it’s all on the up and up. Single guys aren’t merely walking hornballs, and just because a guy is married doesn’t make him a saint either.
Post # 14
I have plenty of single male friends that I hang out with. And in theory, I don’t have a problem making new friends. But since DH and I have been engaged, I haven’t made new friends that I’d hang out with alone. Like, I’d go out and grab a drink or something, but wouldn’t hang out alone in their homes watching a movie, whereas I have male friends that I’ve known for years that I have no problem doing that with. So if you think the guy would be a cool person to be friends with, then I’d say to set up something where your husband can meet him, and then maybe it won’t feel so illicit.
Post # 15
As someone who has always gotten along better with males than females, male friends have not been an issue between my FI and I.
My opinion is as long as this new friend isn’t a secret from your husband, and you’re open about this new friend, I don’t see why it should be a problem. Especially if new friend and husband meet.