Post # 1
(Sorry in advance for the word vomit, I’m just so stunned I had to share :P)
My own family is a pretty broken one. My father has a new family. My mother and I are estranged (and were never close). My grandparents are deceased and extended family has always been estranged.
Holidays are a pretty tough time of year for me. BF has become my family but he comes from a very large clan of relatives, so most years I hide in bed on Christmas and Thanksgiving, eating pizza and pretending I love the alone time.
I have a standing invitation from his family for any holiday, but I can’t stand taking it. I feel like an outsider, more alone than if I was in bed with a good book.
I’ve come to realize that so much of what I want in an engagement is the feeling that I belong to a family again. That I’m loved and accepted as a permanent member.
After finding I needed to cancel a trip out to visit his family b/c of work, I emailed his mother to let her know and apologise, but assure her BF would still be coming out. She replied with tears. She told me how sad and disappointed she was; how she had come up with so many things we could do together. I was shocked at her emotion.
I realized with surprise that she was crying because she wanted to see me. And then I cried because that’s something a mother would do. I cried because me not being there meant something to her. Because I meant something to her.
And so I cashed out my bonus to change my plane ticket. Because engaged or not, married or not, it seems like BF’s family has become mine as well. And though I might still waiting for a proposal, it’s just a formality. I already have everything I want.
Post # 3
Aw this is so sweet. It’s natural for you to have this reaction when you come from a “broken” home. But it is wonderful that you are realizing they love YOU for you and not because they have to like you cause you are his girlfriend. They will make GREAT in-laws one day, you are so lucky 🙂
Post # 4
It is natural for you to be want those things but I am so happy you have found them. I am close with my immediate family but we don’t see each other much and I don’t talk to extended family. My FI has a huge family that get together all the time for functions and I feel very out of place. It is hard because his parents do not speak English and I do not speak Spanish. So there is that barrier and they are very very traditional which I didn’t grow up with. When I did go visit I spent most of my time watching my FI’s niece and nephews and my kids. I feel so happy for you because becoming part of you BF’s family is so important. I really wish I could find a way to bond with my FI’s more. Best of luck to you . . . I am sure you are going to really enjoy the holidays this year. =)
Post # 5
@Saloria83: Thanks so much! The language barrier must be difficult, bravo on you for going to functions and participating with the family through the kids!
@Lily_of_the_valley: Thanks for the kind words! I’m pretty misty eyed over the whole thing.
Post # 6
@aokay: I’m getting misty-eyed reading your first post. So glad that you’ve found a family that wants you to be a part of their lives.
Post # 7
Aww this is the sweetest thing ever. You know, often people come here to vent about their terrible in-laws (makes me so thankful mine are awesome!) – but this is great to remind us that there are good stories too! I hope you guys have an awesome holiday season together!
Post # 8
@aokay: This is so beautiful! I got a bit teary reading your post and I can’t tell you how much I feel you and how happy I am that you followed your heart and went over. You will be a huge part of their family in no time. So happy for you 🙂
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
So sweet! You are one of the lucky ones. 🙂