Weddingbee boards

Hiya hive!

I've been wrestling with this issue for a while and I thought I'd throw it out to you all {since you're so good!}

My FH has some health conditions that are starting to cost us a great deal of $.  He is a student and has no health insurance.  When we first got engaged he insisited that we wait a full year to get married so as not to offend his best man who was engaged and getting married in June {le sigh}.  At the time I threw a fit, touting all the benefits of getting married ASAP, but he utlimately won the battle.  Now with the onset of doctor and hospital bills plus the expense of perscription drugs, marriage, and being added to my excellent health insurance, seems like an amazing option for our little family according to my FI.

Problem is, I just can't pull the trigger.  We have planned a beautiful, romantic soiree in August all planned and I feel like we'd be cheating ourselves and everyone else if we got married say tomorrow at the courthouse.  We wouldn't tell anyone, just HR and the state of VA, but I still have these overwhelming pangs of guilt about potentially going through with it.

Am I being crazy?  Or should we just do it?

@Lattelove -- you really got me on the polite factor, I fancy myself Miss Manners, @blightygirl -- good luck with your situation -- that feels much more legit than mine

Thank you all so much for your help.  Ironically -- My FH is too sick to go anywhere especially the courthouse to get married so we're going to obsess think about it all weekend.  I'll let you know what happens for sure :)

Ok I'm going to do this in two parts, haha.  Part One:  Get thee to the courthouse!  His health is not something you mess around with!!

Part two: Telling.  I'd say this depends on circumstances and the couple.  I'm against the "well, we were in Vegas and it seemed like a great idea to get married by an Elvis impersonator, so now we're secretly married and planning the big wedding!"  That takes away from the 'big' wedding so to speak because you had the wedding you wanted, and now you're married.

But this isn't one of those cases, so it comes down to this: what is the courthouse ceremony to you?  Whether or not it's a wedding is irrelevant, the question is do you see it as the beginning of your marriage?  Which day will you look back on as your anniversary?  If you see him after that day as your husband, then yes, you should tell people that it's a vow renewal.  You got married that day in the courthouse.  If you still see him as your fiance, and you only saw that day as necessary paperwork, I'd say keep it between yourselves.

ditto amyboston, I'm on my fiance's health insurance but you do need to live together. certain companies have certain restrictions but it is doable of they offer it.

I don't really have anything else to add that hasn't been said before. But if he really is that sick, do it. Better to be married and have his health situation covered and have people potentially irritated than risk his health because his health insurance bites. Worry about other people later after you've done what's best for you and him and your collective health. :)

Good luck! Keep us posted. :)

I'm going to hazard a guess that there may be more to this than just the health issues.  You mentioned that HE was insistent on waiting a full year, and you didn't get your way.  Now, because it's about his health, he's suddenly changing his mind, and that's annoying.  Realistic and understandable, but annoying.

And as a girl who's really struggling to deal with the whole you vs. me vs. us thing, I understand what I think you're feeling. 

Is it possible that you're maybe, just a little tiny bit, holding your ground because he held his before?  If that's even a little bit true, then I think you should acknowledge it (again, understandable), come clean to him about it ("I'm going to admit that part of me is hesitant to compromise on the sentimentality and emotion I'm looking forward to when you wouldn't compromise because of someone else's feelings"), and then look at today's situation with a fresh eye.  Many DW couples get married in the states in order to avoid a bunch of paperwork, and they don't seem to bat an eye.  In the end, the paperwork is just that - paperwork.  If having the paperwork done ahead of time puts you in a better position, financially, as a couple, then I think you should strongly consider it.  

It's a bummer that you're both having to go through this, and I'm sorry.  However, you're very close to forming a new family, and that new family takes precedence over either of you individually, financially or otherwise.

So, spend some time figuring out why exactly you're unhappy with the prospect of doing the paperwork early, and then I'll bet you'll get some clarity as to what to do next.  Whatever you do, make sure you can do it without any resentment later, ok?

First of all, thanks for this post. My fiance and I are debating about making it "legal" early, too, but for different reasons - kinda. He's in the Air Force and I'll be leaving my job before we're married in February, so I'd need (his) insurance. Plus there's the added fact that he's deploying before we get married, too, so that is another obstacle we're trying to factor in. Both my parents and his parents know what we're thinking of doing, but we wouldn't let anyone else know, which I think would be the hardest part.