Post # 1
Does anyone here come from a background where they expect to make money/break even on the cost of the wedding?
My aunt mentioned to me that you have to have at least 400 people at your wedding in order to “break even.” Our background is Italian and people typically bring cash to weddings instead of registry gifts. I had never really heard of this/thought of it that way and wondered if this is typical in anyone else’s circle (not that it’s typical in mine, but it seemed like the norm to my aunt).
Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that I or anyone else would or should throw a wedding in order to profit. I’m not interested in having a big wedding for this purpose, I just thought it was an interesting discussion point.
Post # 3
Yes, I’ve heard of this. I had an Isreali friend (her name was Gal and her husband’s was Guy) who said that in Israel some people earn a profit from the gifts because they also don’t buy registry gifts but give money. If you think about it there isn’t much difference from getting gifts because you get things that you would need for your new home. Anyway it is all about building a patrimony, that is why your guests help you out either with money or with gifts.
Post # 4
I think initially I was hoping the cost of the wedding and our gifts would sort of balance each other out. However, after planning 75% of the wedding, I realize there’s no way in heck this is going to happen. I’m happy to throw a big awesome party for my friends and family to celebrate with FI and I. I would never have expected to come out ahead at the end of the day, nor was that a “goal” of getting married.
I think you’re right though, in some cultures the money aspect is more emphasized, it just depends where you come from and what your traditions are. In Canada, not a lot of people do a money dance type thing, but a lot of couples do “Jack & Jill’s” as a sort of fundraiser for the wedding. I don’t really agree with them and would never have one myself, but I’m not going to get my nose out of joint about someone else having one. Different strokes for different folks.
Post # 5
I have never heard of this before. We actually did break even on our wedding because of a large gift from my husband’s only living grandparent.
Post # 6
Yup, I’ve heard of this. A friend I know claims to have broken even on his wedding, but apparently it is his culture for the friends of the parents to give very generous cash gifts to the couple. Like in the thousands.
Post # 7
Yes, sadly enough I’ve heard of this. A couple we know managed to do this by a) telling people they were paying for their wedding when in all actuality her parents stepped up and paid for it and b) having a “second reception” in his hometown at his mother’s house where there was literally not enough space/food for half the guest list, and so a lot of people just dropped off checks/cash because it was across the country from the b&g’s home.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant
Yes. It’s common in Vietnamese weddings. And although this typically happens when there is a large wedding, it’s not necessarily b/c it’s a large wedding. It’s because the couple didn’t spend as much PER PERSON! A lot of people aren’t talking about that. In my experience, you only break even or make money if a large majority of your guests gift you with cash (in whatever form) and if you spend under $100 per person. So I found that it’s easier to spend under $100 per person if you have family style meals.
Post # 9
There’s no way we could have broken even, LOL.
BTW, what is a Jack & Jill?
Post # 10
@MightySapphire – Up here, couples (it’s becoming fairly common) basically host a games night. So friends/family/wedding party SELL tickets to the event (typically $10-15, but I’ve heard of big ones costing $100 each!!!!), then the event itself is basically a big fundraiser. Most often the bride and groom rent gaming tables (poker, roulette, etc) and you pay to play. Then sometimes they’ll have other activities, like throw a pie at the bride or groom’s face for $X/pie. Cash bar. Food is usually provided inclusive of your ticket price. FI went to one last year for the son of a guy he had work connections with. The family was Italian, so it was full out. Apparently the parking lot was full of Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s. Tickets were $100 each. There were models at wandering around between all the gaming tables etc.
Personally, it’s not my cup of tea. I rarely go to one, only if I know the couple REALLY REALLY REALLY well, and know that they literally could not have a wedding without one (and I want to go to their wedding, LOL). I often just think it would be more appropriate to spend the money on a smaller wedding with a restaurant reception rather than renting gaming tables, etc for the night and getting your friends and families to sell tickets. The whole thing just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Post # 11
@bakerella – I am not a fan of them either. I think it is kinda rude expecting your acquaintances to come to help you fundraise for your wedding. I have been invited to really random people’s Jack’n Jills via Facebook.
Post # 12
I think it would be good if a couple came out on top after a wedding but….like hotwings said people spend so much on their weddings that it really is not something that could be expected.
Post # 13
@MrsMartin – Me too. I’m not really interested in helping a guy I went to high school with’s cousin’s neighbour’s sister-in-law’s friend. And I hate how people give you a “look” when you say you don’t want to buy a ticket. My BIL was bound and determined to have one when he and my sister got married. My sister (and my whole family) was appalled and flat out refused. He tried pressuring FI and I to have one saying we could make so much money. I’m not getting married to make money thanks. Ridiculous.
Post # 14
@Bakerella – WOW! I’ve never heard of anything like that before! To be honest, it sounds pretty out there. But I guess it could be fun.
As someone who did a LOT of fundraising in my university days there’s no way I’d ever do that. I hate hard-selling tickets to my friends and family. But hey, it also sounds like those events are really fun, so it could work for the right group.
I always thought a Jack and Jill was just a bridal shower where both men and women were invited!
Post # 15
Yep, we’ll at least break even on our Korean wedding. Everyone gives money (the house is already set up and everything purchased pre-wedding), so all of our costs should be covered.
As to the Jack and Jills (Stag and Doe in my area of Ontario) – EVERYONE has them, and I really hate them. I’ve gone to other people’s as it is 100% expected of you, but I have always vowed not to have one of my own. (I have never heard of $100 a ticket though!! Usually $10-12 is normal from all the ones I know of).
Post # 16
didn’t even come close for us. In my dreams!