- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’ve created a different account for this post–my other username’s a bit too traceable, and I’d rather this information stay private. :-p
OK, here’s the story. My fiance and I have been dating officially for about 2 years; we’ve been friends for more like 6. At the time when we started dating, we agreed not to have sex for a good while; he’d been through a really ugly broken engagement (she was the initiator; he felt pretty blindsided), and he and I had previously been through a bit of off-again on-again. The back and forth was pretty painful to me, because I’d been more or less in love with him for years, so I was feeling pretty hesitant about committing fully to the relationship myself. When we started dating for real in February of 2011, though, everthing just clicked. It became pretty apparent to both of us that this was going to be a long-term thing.
Still, we decided to wait on the sex; neither of us felt a need to rush. He, despite being several years older than I am and having been previously engaged, was a virgin. I was not, but all of my very limited sexual experiences had really sucked. (A combination of incompetant and uncaring partners, mostly). We slept together pretty much every night for the next 7-8 months, and we experimented with manual stimulation, etc. (sorry for the TMI) It ROCKED, and we started talking about having sex soon.
A complication: I got pretty sick. Combination of things; a ruptured ovarian cyst, and, although I didn’t find this out till later, hashimodo’s syndrome, adrenal fatigue, severe food sensitivities to pretty much all of the staples of my diet, and low testosterone levels. I could barely get out of bed. Fun times. Somewhere in the midst of all this mess, back in October of 2011, I somehow decided that it was time to have sex. It was totally my idea, but I don’t know how I got to that decision. I was on the pill at that point; we did without condoms. About 3 minutes in, I realized that I felt incredibly sick—not to mention being in some considerable pain, since I hadn’t had sex in probably a year and a half. Given that it was HIS first time, though, I wasn’t about to call things off. He didn’t climax, but he got to a pretty happy place and was worried about me, so I ended off finishing him off manually. He would have very happily returned the favor, but I was feeling worse. Ended up throwing up shortly thereafter, and it was back to the doctor with me.
I had to go off the pill, and it took me close to a year to truly start feeling better. We didn’t try sex again until July of 2012. At that point, the cards were starting to stack against us. We had to use condoms (neither of us really knew how, and yes, we’re 29 and 33. Sad.). We were also long distance; he’d had to move for an awesome job opportunity.
But, this time it went a little better. I still started out in a lot of pain, but it improved (lube is good!). He was clearly enjoying himself, and it started to feel good to me, too, at least some. No climax for me, but I wasn’t expecting one. Bigger problem: no climax for him, either, until he pulled out and I went for manual stimulation again.
Can’t have been that bad, since he proposed last September.
Since then, we’ve had sex maybe 4-5 times. Still no climax for him. We are using condoms (have to–the pill was evidently contributing to a lot of my problems), and I know that that’s likely to reduce his sensitivity. And I think the lack of frequency could be a problem, too–he’s just not used to that kind of stimulation yet, and he was (and is) in the frequent habit of taking care of himself. Nothing to be done about more frequent sex till we get married in June. We live about 1000 miles apart, and I’m helping care for an ill parent right now, so I moved back to my parent’s house to be on site. No possibility of sex here! :-p
He says that he’s positive it will happen with time. So I’ve been playing it casual, too. He has no problem with arousal, and he doesn’t have a problem reaching climax, either, except inside me. I think anything that I say that might indicate concern (or indicate that I think he should go to the doctor) at this point has the potential to stress him out and make the problem worse.
But I am worried, and I’m hoping that somebody might be able to advise or reassure me! Sex is not a centerpiece of my (our) existance, and we have been VERY successful in pleasing each other in other ways. But we do want kids.
An incidental problem: every time we’ve had sex with a condom, I get a lot of itchiness and discomfort for months afterwards….even if we don’t have sex again within that time. I’m thinking maybe latex??? But my doctor says not, and tests for UTIs have also been negative. Cranberry supplements have seemed to help clear up the problem once it starts, but I haven’t yet had an opportunity to try them as a preventative measure.
Anyway, typing this has made me feel better! Thanks for any thoughts, and sorry for the novel. 🙂