Post # 1
So, when we were engaged my now husband went to a strip club/whole bachelor party deal for his nephew. I begged him not to go. I really was upset and he went. I didn’t talk to him for a while. It still bothers me, I have no idea what happened and heard bits and pieces but then tuned it out.”
So, I have never been to a male revue, and just found out they were having one at a local night club. My girlfriend and I thought it would be funny to go, it was the first time either of us had gone.
My husband got really mad and said it was different that I went while we were married. I disagree. We were engaged when he went & no matter what we were comitted to each other for years.
Do you think he has a right to be mad at me? I didn’t go out on a whole night extravaganza like he did with a party bus and all. I am pissed that he’s mad at me…..
Post # 3
@Carolyn72: Anyone can be mad at anyone for any reason. It is a bit lame though. Even if he’d never been to one, you didnt cheat so it isnt a big deal. Perhaps yall should agree that in the future neither one of you can go to a strip club.
Post # 4
I don’t see how a male strip club is different from a female strip club. Calling it a “revue” is just semantics. Being married and being engaged is the same thing – you’re promised to each other. You went and had a good time and looked at some dudes in thongs, your husband needs to get over it.
Post # 6
@atlbride2013: exactly, thank you!
Post # 7
OK I’ve never been to a male revue so I’ll ask straight out: how much did they take off? Because at strip clubs I gather the girls get naked.
And did he ask you not to go? He was wrong to go when you asked him not to, but two wrongs don’t make a right. This was your chance to say, “Strip clubs are over in our relationship”. By going, you’re setting up the possibility of “tit for tat” reprisals.
I do agree with you though that married and engaged are the same in this case.
Post # 8
@paula1248: They had thongs on you did not see it. And they put women on stage and did things to them, which i thought was lame. I wouldn’t go again. I was glad when it was over and I could dance.
He told me that he didn’t want me to go, but I rarely get to do anything fun, and with life being so short I just went. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t get a lap dance, etc…
I think going to a female strip club is much more nudity definitely and I have no idea if my husband got one.
Post # 9
@Carolyn72: OK, so you saw about as much flesh as at the beach, except with goofy dancing. IMO that’s definitely different to a strip club.
That said, if he asked you not to go, I would have found something else to do. Deliberately going against your partner’s wishes is rarely a good idea.
Post # 10
You didn’t want him to go, but he went, and you were mad.
He didn’t want you to go, but you went, and he’s mad.
Is this right? As much as I hate keeping score, it sounds like you’re even, and you both need to forget about it. It’s not about how elaborate each party was or how much nudity you saw…it’s about neither one of you respecting each other’s wishes.
Post # 11
It sort of sounds like you did it to get back at him going to the strip club while you were engaged. Did you tell him you were going beforehand? Or did you wait until after, then say “Oh, Sally and I went to the male revue” and let him react?
Post # 12
It seems like the bigger issue is that you couldn’t let his actions go and felt the need to go out and get even in some way. If the forum says he’s wrong to be angry with you, does that mean you were wrong to be angry with him in the first place?
Post # 13
@futuremrsfitz18: I think you are right, I probably did go to piss him off, but you can’t compare what I saw and what he saw at all.
I told him weeks before that I was going. He didn’t say anything until a few days ago.
He’ll get over it, I did……
Post # 14
I think you’re both being hypocritical.
- You didn’t like him going to a strip club, yet you went to one.
- He went to a strip club but now has an issue with you going to one.
I think you both need to get over it.
Also, I’d like to point out that many strip clubs do not let their dancers strip off everything. They are usually still covered “down there” (I live in Ontario and guys go to Quebec just because the strip clubs there are often all nude, rather than the more common half nude of regular strip clubs), so I don’t think your strip club was any “worse” or “better” than his strip club.
You’re more in the wrong though. You’re not just hypocritical, you’re vindictive.
Post # 15
You were both wrong to disrespect the other’s wishes. He is being a hypocrite, but so are you. You are/were both mad at each other for behaving a certain way, yet you both find no issue with this behaviour when you do it yourselves.
You must have known he’d be mad with you. He asked you not to go and you went anyway. When he did that, you were mad with him. I really think you both need to start respecting the boundaries set out for your relationship. I’d also explain to your DH that engaged or married makes no difference, it’s STILL disrespectful, but now you’re both ‘even’, so it’s a fresh start.