Post # 1
So this isn’t a discussion about abortions being okay or not, so please, be nice. We all have different views.
I was in an interesting discussion with another friend about is the father’s role/choice in an abortion. Assuming that the abortion is legal, what rights should the father of the fetus have in making the decisoin? The context was a friend (male) who (admittedly stupidly) knocked up a only ish girlfriend who went on to have an abortion, totally against his wishes. He wanted to either help raise the child or to give it up for adoption. So I am just curious, despite your views on the right/wrongness of abortion over all, what rights should the father have? Especially in relation to keep the fetus from being aborted?
Post # 3
a husband/boyfriend/lover can tell a woman not to get one all he wants but in the end it is her body and is her decision. there are laws for fathers in that situation but it changes state to state. i personally dont believe in abortion but im already a mom and thinking if i had givin up my daughter for any reason who have hurt me emotionally in the long run.
Post # 4
I have always been asking the same question you did. My FH asked me (and I had no answer), why is it that a man has no say in abortion, but if he wants her to have one and she doesn’t, how come he has to pay child support?
Post # 5
Thats a really tricky question. I believe that a woman has the right to choose what happens to her body and that forcing someone to continue/not continue a pregnancy against her wishes is wrong. Therefore I feel that any rights the father may have in regards to what happens to the fetus he helped create are kind of second to that first right…
That said, I would hope that in a perfect world both parents would come to an agreement about what was to happen before making any decisions…..
Post # 6
I feel like it’s ultimately the mother’s choice. Does that mean she should run out and get an abortion without having a conversation about it with the father? Probably not, but that also depends on the situation and dynamic of that particular relationship.
Say a girl has a one night stand…and ends up pregnant. Does she have to contact the father before she decides to abort? I don’t think so.
If said girl is in a relationship and has an unexpected preganancy that’s a different story. She should definitely talk it out with her SO/FI/whatever and TRY to come to a mutual decision.
But like I said, in the end her body, her choice.
Post # 7
Its actually a huge issue my FI has. How I try to explain my view point, is until in a perfect world, and a man can carry the baby himself, he should not have LEGAL rights to what a woman does to her body. Its not a decision I would make, but a decision I believe in choice. Morally I would hope a woman would at lest take to heart the fathers opinion, but legally her choice.
Post # 8
Easy, it’s the woman’s fetus but both of their child. Therefore the man has no say in what happens to the fetus, but has responsibility for the child.
Post # 9
FI and I have had this conversation (not because we’ve ever been in the situation or anything but just in general). He feels that the man should have rights to the fetus since it’s his child to. I get that but until said fetus can grow in that mans body or outside of the womans, the sole decision should be left to the person carrying it. I’m pro-choice and I don’t believe that anyone should be able to tell a woman what she can and can’t do with her own body. Does it suck for the man who may want to raise that child? Absolutely, but it still doesn’t make it his decision.
Post # 10
What I do not get is that if the man has no choice in the matter at all…… why he gets the joy and pleasure of paying for 18 years for a choice he didn’t get to partake in.
I realize the easy answer is ” Oh well he didn’t use protection so he made a choice”.. but that really doesn’t hold water at all. She gets to completely choose something that effects the two of them for the rest of their lives.
Post # 11
I think this is one of those things that will never really be fair to both parties. Women are the ones that carry the fetus, and with that comes rights and responsibilities.
Women have (or should have, in my opinion) the right to decide whether to become pregnant- through access to reliable contraception, stay pregnant- though access to affordable quality healthcare, or not- through access to safe abortion services.
But women also have responsibilities that come with those rights, such as correctly using contraception to increase the chance it will be effective, and by not using abortion as a ‘oops, I couldn’t be bothered using contraception’ backup. And if choosing to have the child, to take care of it to the best of their ability, or place it up for adoption for other parents who are prepared to.
Men have the responsibility to participate in using contraception to avoid pregnancy, and to support any child that is theirs. They have the right to be involved in the childs life if they are paying child support (as long as they arent a danger to the child of course). So yes, Men do lose out, they have less rights, but also less responsibilities.
It is definately a tricky situation, and one I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but until men can get pregnant, or we have some way to transfer fetuses into artificial wombs, ultimately its the womans choice.
(all in my opinion of course, very interesting thread! Lets hope it stays civil!)
Post # 12
I just told tksjewelry. It makes sense. Woman takes care of fetus, Both woman and man take care of child.
Life’s not fair, but you can’t have men forcing woman to have abortions and you can’t very well have them not responsible, that would make the whole thing even more messy.
Post # 13
It should be the woman’s choice. Not only does she have to carry the baby for 9 months, which greatly affects her, but she then has to mother the child for the rest of her life. This is a commitment some women are not willing or capable of making, and shouldn’t be forced to make. Abortion does not just end a pregnancy; it ends a future as a MOTHER, which is a huge responsibility no one should undertake if they’re not ready. No matter how good a father a man is, the bulk of the parenting and raising will always fall to the mother. That is just how it goes. And if a woman is not ready to take up that mantle, or is in no position to do so, she shouldn’t.
Post # 14
Wouldn’t it be the body of the baby we are talking about, not the mother?
Post # 15
I know this gets theological, but biologically speaking, if you abort early enough, there is no “body.” There’s just a collection of cells.
Post # 16
If he wants to have all rights signed over to him (if the woman does not want said child) and is willing to be a full time single dad that’s one thing.
If he only wants part time “ownership” in a child when its convenient for him then he gets no say IMPO.
Even with this said I am not 100% for the first part of my statement since the man doesn’t have a fetus living in him for 9 months, go thru labor, or post birth hormonal issues.