I wish my mother was better than this…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 5
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a MOB and I am so sorry you have to deal with her.

Here’s the best advice I can offer for you:  she won’t change, ever.  The ONLY thing you control is how you react to her.  This means you have to make a conscious choice to let something upset you, or distance yourself and REFUSE to let it affect you.  I know it is harder said than done, but I have had to master it since I was very young and I do empathize.

Let the dress thing go.  Your wedding is in 2 weeks, she won’t be able to find anything anyway at this late date.  You need to decide if you should have one conversation about it with her and let it go, or if you just need to let it go.

If you have a convo with her before the wedding, what are the big picture ramifications?  I don’t mean her grand hissy fit, I mean what will it impact as far as the wedding goes?  Will you have younger siblings who won’t be able to attend because she forbid them?  Is she paying for anything for the wedding?  Will she pull something if you confront her.  She sounds bat pooh crazy and I am terribly sorry you have to deal with her.

Also, know this from a MOB – people WILL talk about her dress once they notice what she has done.  It will make her look bad, not you.  Also, they will talk for a minute about how tacky she has been with her dress, but they will be talking many times during the night about how stunning and lovely you are.

Find a way to let this go and distance yourself from her even more if you can.  Sending you big MOB hugs.

Post # 7
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@Payless:  You are most welcome.  Vent away now and get it all out so it doesn’t affect you on your wedding day.  In the snarky part of the back of my mind, if I were you, I’d just have to glance at her once or twice during the reception and say, “Damn!  I rock this frock way the Hell better than she does!”

I wish you the best.

Post # 8
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

So sorry this is happening to you. it is YOUR day no matter what!! Keep that in mind! xxx

Post # 10
Hostess
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@hermom:  I agree completely.

@Payless:  For those bees that have been around a while they will remember the frustration that I endured thank to my mother. While she didn’t have me young she was and sometimes is too selfish to truly step up to the mom plate so to speak. Throw in a lifetime battle of alcohol and drugs and you can guess that our relationship is rocky at best. Needless to say I love her but as you said we are just two very different people.

During the pre-wedding stages my mother opted for a very young looking and very revealing pink princess dress for our wedding. It was borderline in appropriate and to some that might be putting it mildly. To say you saw her boobs first and then the dress and then her would not be an understatement. Even during the pre-wedding hours while we all dressed together she made several comments that I “had the nerve” to have a better dress than she did, that my dress made her dress look like crap etc. God forbid I be the bride right? In the end my mother wasn’t around the day of our wedding, was so focused on herself she forgot about me and then left in the middle of the reception dinner without saying goodbye.

All I can say is since our wedding I have looked at my mother differently and perhaps your wedding will be the moments you need to do the same. While we always will of course love our mothers we have to protect ourselves first. If that means letting go and taking it and the relationship at face value so be it. I am sorry that you are being put through the ringer and I do hope that she can put you first at some point. If she doesn’t remember that family is what you make it….thankfully it isn’t just what we are born into. Best of luck with your plans!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors