Mama Drama (a Rant)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

What a gem.. you should start screen shotting your texts and send them as a photo album after the wedding when she asks “why wasn’t I included” .. I feel for you, best suggestion I have is damage control, by that I mean hide in a bunker and wait until the current round of explosions is over and hope that next attack is not already planned. 

Unless you want a fight over every bit of planning, I’d go with “keep your plans a secret” tactic. Only divulge what is necessary and then consider lying. Specifically about things such as date and time 🙂 

Seriously, I know she is your mom, and while I make light of the topic engaging her is only driving yourself crazy. Tread carefully, but you know this 🙂

Post # 4
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I haven’t read your previous posts, but do you even want her in your life? Something to think about there.

“Should I be informing her of this or just let her dig her own grave on this one?” I wouldn’t. What good what it do? It’s not going to change her behavior, right? At least, not for the better. It might make her nastier to you, which I’m sure you don’t want. Don’t say anything. Just do what you have to do.

I would also say do not engage with her. If you say you’re busy, let that be your last text to her. If you’re busy, you’re busy– bottom line. Seems like she is someone with whom you need to be firm.

Post # 5
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would let her dig her own grave.  Informing her that you will not be informing her, is not likely to end well. 

Post # 8
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow… You were not kidding about “Not June Cleaver”!

I wouldn’t tell her you’re excluding her from your engagement/wedding plans. Let her find out from her mother/sister/7th husband.

And sorry your Mom is a sorry piece of work!

Post # 10
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Girl – your mom and my dad must be on the same crazy cycle… I got a weepy card this week with a plea to call him. No thanks.

Post # 11
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@badabing88:  Oh Bing…I’m sorry your Mom is like this, but you can be proud of the woman you’ve become in spite of her abysmal failings as a role model.

Honestly….and as a person who’s mother rocks the Cas-bah of awesomness with good manners and great hair on a daily basis, BUT having liberated Mr. 99 from the soul crushing emotional terrorism of his mother aka The Matron Oppressor…what I can tell you is this:

You can love a person terribly, and know at the same time that the longer you expose yourself to them, the higher your odds go for a cataclysmic event. 

Your mother is a volatile person who has decided that she would rather pickle herself and be distracted by doomed relationship after doomed relationship while taking pot shots at you on slow days instead of doing what all good mothers do, which is protect and love their children, regardless of cost or threat of pain, and I would have spared you that if I could have…but it didn’t happen that way.

But you can spare yourself now, its time to stop trying to push the cart sideways, stop putting lipstick on this drunken sow and decide that you’re going to do what no one did for you when you needed it most….protect yourself from her.

Stop taking her calls or texts, block her e-mails and tell yourself that you don’t have a mother…because you don’t honey, you never did.  These punitive decisions like, she’s not going to know when we get engaged or I’m going to leave her out of my wedding are just tiny chips in her already totally fucked up paint job.

You can’t break what’s already broken, but you can save what worth saving….I hate this for you and if I ever run afoul of this dangerously unbalanced woman I would slap her blind, but you can get away from her and move on with your life, without the drama she stirs up at your expense.

Post # 13
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@badabing88:  …like I said, I’ve heard this song before..the only way to spare yourself the annoying yet sad chorus is to change the beat

Post # 14
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@badabing88:  I’ve seen you post about your mother, and I’m sorry you find yourself in that situation.

But you know what, I’ve seen a lot of posts on here much like yours, you’ve seen them too I’ll wager, and I always have the same thought whenever I do. To me it is so bewildering the amount that people put up with in their lives under the idea that “well, it’s family.”

Now, I have a good family, but they aren’t all peachy by any means. I’m not heartless either, though I may be a bit rigid at times, but in my life I have come to the realization that “family” is often just a group of people we’ve been unfortunate enough to meet by birth. 

I mean, some of these people we associate with under the influence of the “family” factor are people we would NEVER, not in a million years, be friends with in a casual social setting. What is it exactly that makes things so different?

I know people will say “Well they are *family* that’s what makes it different.” And that’s all well and fine by me, I just don’t have the same mentality. I don’t have that little heartstring that pulls at the mention of family, and I think that’s okay. I determine the people who are influences in my life by their measure as a person, not whether or not we are related. 

I always tell people that the world doesn’t owe you happiness, but you don’t owe the world happiness either, they only person you owe happiness to is yourself. 

Post # 15
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@badabing88:  How very, very true is the old saying about being able to choose your friends. Unlike your family.

But actually, I do think you “have a choose” as my stepson used to say. You can choose to withdraw from this toxic onslaught because otherwise, the only person she’s going to bring down in the humungous crumbling mess that is her life is you. And you don’t deserve that. 

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