Mama Drama – How to control a crazy MOB

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

FutureLadyL:  It sounds like she and your dad are still together. If so, does he have any ability to control her behavior or rein her in when she’s getting out of hand? Maybe you could have a talk with him privately about your concerns and see what he says or if he has any suggestions. If that’s not an option, I think the best you can do is try to contain it and prepare anyone who you are worried about. IE give your GM, close family, etc a heads up about your concerns. Ask if a couple of people can keep an eye on her and, if they see her getting loud or exhibitionist, try to intervene. They could take her out to calm down, talk to her and try to redirect/distract her, grab you or anyone else and be like “I need you for a minute” to get them away from her, etc. We had to do a similar thing with DH’s stepdad and father–it all worked out ok, but just knowing that other people were keeping an eye on things and would handle it or let us know if we needed to handle things was really helpful. We didn’t spend the whole wedding watching them from across the room and dreading what could happen and worrying and could just have fun.

Also have your FI’s parents met your parents yet? You may want to have them (at least his parents and sibs) meet yours before the wedding in a quiet place. Have everyone over to your house or something like that. If she acts up, then she acts up. You can give them a heads up before that your mom may be difficult. But if something happens, maybe you can address it with them after the fact–say you’re embarrassed and you are not ok with her behavior, but unfortunately she’s your mom and you do the best you can. Say you understand that she makes people uncomfortable but unfortunately you can’t stop her. Doing X, Y, Z sometimes helps, or else just ignore her. (or however you usually handle these situations) At least they’ll be prepared and can spread the word. I think every family has that one relative who acts weird or no one really likes to be around. I’m sure they’ll understand.


ETA: also, she doesn’t have to be there for all of it. I didn’t get ready with my mom–there just wasn’t space in the room. Minimize the amount you have to deal with her.

Post # 3
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Agree with the above, and maybe enlisting a sister to be her keeper during the wedding.

Also, as bad as it sounds, I recommend limiting contact on your wedding day. Definitely don’t avoid her, because she will pick up on it and make a dramatic scene for sure. Greet her politely and all. But don’t go out of your way to ask her to do anything, don’t have any requirements of her because it sounds like a potential for things getting blown up into a big deal. Just treat her like an honored guest.

Post # 4
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

FutureLadyL:  You definitely will have enough things to stress about, so this shouldn’t be one of them on wedding day!  Agreed with PP- assign mom to someone else.  Ask sister, aunt, anyone.  Also remember though, that you can’t change people, so trying to make her act a certain way will only frustrate you, especially if it doesn’t work.  

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