(Closed) mama drama [vent]

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Take a deep breath….

You are probably exhausted!

You are NOT a bad mom. You are obviously working very hard to make everything work.

Talk to your mom again when you have calmed down.

Maybe you just need to sit down and talk to each other more often?

Let each other know how much you appreciate each other?

Post # 5
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh gosh….I see your frustration.

Do you think she understand how much this is upsetting you?

Do you have somebody else that could watch your daughter for a while if you really feel the need for a temporary break?

Post # 8
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think I’ve ever had a normal conversation with my mother and I never will.  Some mothers just cannot relate to their daughters. I love my mother, but mostly I just don’t take anything she says even remotely seriously. I am so jealous of people who have mother/daughter relationships where they confide in each other or where the mother can give them advice. That does not happen with me. It’s more like I’m the parent. 

If your situation is anything like what I just described, this is how I deal with it. 1. I treat her the same way I would treat a mentally disabled person. I humor her, but I take nothing she says seriously. 2. I agree with everything she says. 3. I let her do most of the talking. 4. I try to think about worse mothers (i.e., crack-heads or mothers who abandon their children.) My mother isn’t a bad mother, and I’m sure yours isn’t either. You might just be two very different people who don’t undertand each other and won’t be able to relate to each other no matter how hard you try. So sometimes the time comes when you stop trying to relate and just try to co-exist.  There’s no point in trying to get her to see your POV, she probably never will. And you’re probably never going to see hers.

Was that totally depressing advice? it’s a depressing subject for me, but it’s how I’ve managed to get along with my mother and survive my adult life.

Post # 9
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is this your mom’s first grandchild? She might be a little overwhelmed. Her days of watching babies were long gone so she might be going through a phase. She needs to adapt to a new schedule and we ALL get a little frustrated with change; Frustrations that seems to be taken out on you. I think you should give her a little space to calm down and talk to her. I go through the same thing with G-Ma sometimes too, culture differences played a big role as well; she grew up with the mentality that mom stays home while dad supports the family. It took a while for her to understand that we both have full time jobs.

Post # 11
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It sounds as though you are BOTH feeling unappreciated. Sit down with your mom and let her know that you are feeling the same and that you appreciate her for being there for your daughter. What I don’t think you so understand is that your mom would not be home with a baby if you had not gotten pregnant so believe me there is resentment there. She loves your daughter and does not want a stranger watching her so she watches her for all three of you. Yes you pay her but everyone wants to be appreciated. I highly doubt that you pay her what you would pay for daycare and you know your daughter is safe. You should get your appreciation from you FI but your mom should get it from you. Your so lucky that your mom can watch your child. My mom said I raised mine no way am I watching yours. So I get that you are frustrated, I just wanted you to see the other side of things. I am older and I wouldn’t want to be tied down with a child again and would find it frustrating as well.

Post # 13
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Missus_LLC:  I think adapting is even harder for us. I don’t think they understand that it kills us to have to leave them everyday all day. (well Mon-Fri 7-6). They dont know how hard it is to have to hear from them “baby talked today, gave first steps, flushed the toilet…..”I wish i could quit and be home but it’s not an option. for now, we all compromise and make it work.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you can resolve it soon. Have you looked into daycare? maybe half days would help alleviate some stress.

Post # 15
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Missus_LLC:  There are SOME daycare centers that take infants but they charge an arm and a leg. For now, Grandma will have to work it seems like. 🙂 and it’s probably the best for your baby right now. Your mom and the baby should start a “Mommy and Me” center. It’ll keep both of them busy and meet new people. In the meantime, i still recommend talking it out. not just forgetting about it and pretending it never happened. 🙂

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