Mamma Drama

posted 4 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
6826 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You can’t make them accept your decisions. So really all you can do is keep moving forward with your plans. 

I wouldn’t count on the $6000 from them until its actually in your hands though. If they are really unhappy, they may choose to withdraw thier offer to help pay.

Post # 3
Member
37 posts
Newbee

JitteryBride :  My mom shits all over every decision I make. It’s so annoying to not have the joy and support of your closest family. I’ve spent my share of time crying when a decision I’m really excited about is met with complaint and negativity.

I’m keeping the wedding details to myself (it’s a secret!) and those who will be positive from now on. When people give me suggestions I don’t want to take, I say things like, “we’ll consider it when we’re ready to make a deicison on that!” Your parents had their wedding and they should let you have yours.

Possibly think about not accepting money from them if they might try to guilt how you spend it.

Post # 5
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

 JitteryBride :  I just wouldn’t tell her any details so she can’t get upset. Maybe tell her that you’re cutting costs where you can and trying to save the extra money for a house.

Post # 6
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Aw, I’m sorry! It’s up to you how to spend your money. If they wanted you to put the $6000 toward a house they should have specified that beforehand. Maybe you could keep what you haven’t spent of it in reserve just in case. But there’s not much you can do except hope they come around. Share as few details as possible and don’t tell them exact costs of things. Just say ‘oh I can’t remember that cost right now but I know we’ve worked out into the budget’.

Post # 7
Member
2832 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly before planning our wedding, I also would have been like $30k! But after having planned a nice and budget friendly wedding that still cost $20k I can see how easy it would have been for us to spend that too. Extra guests, extra decor, and a videographer we would have been at $30K easy. EASY. So perhaps being vague is your answer. I mean our cake was close to $1000. For CAKE! But that’s the price of what we wanted. But yea be vague about the price of things that they aren’t paying for. I mean if your in laws want to spend a bunch of money and they can? By all means, why not?! 

You can say that the $6k was for the reception? Will that almost cover the food? I agree with the pp to hold part of what she have you in reserve in case they want it back? Perhaps she freaked out once? It happens in weddings. It seems like everyone gets weird about it at some point. 

Good luck! Hope this helps and congrats! 

Post # 8
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

See, to me, I don’t think you are entitled to your “dream wedding” unless you yourself are paying for it. You have no right to expect anyone to pitch in so much money, and I really can’t blame your mother for thinking you’re making a mistake. I also think that 30,000 is a stupid amount to spend on a one-time event, but I can’t say boo about it to most people because it’s what they want to spend their money on. In your case, you’re mooching off your parents so they have a right to be angry with you about how you spend their money. 

Post # 9
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t know about anyone else but to me when you move in with your parents (aka live off them) to pay down your own debt (that wasn’t student loans as per the OP so just acquired debt on stuff) and to save, you kind of open yourself up to judgement.

If you look at it from their point of view their daughter ran up debt, came and lived in their house in order to pay off that debt and is now spending her (and her FI’s) savings on a party. I’d be worried as well. I bet with the comment about about a house downpayment that they are worried about ending up in a situation where they are not only putting up the OP but her husband as well.

OP you have two very generous committments of financial help that could be used for a wedding whilst keeping savings in tact. A wedding is only as expensive as the bride and groom make it and sometimes you just have to realise that your vision isn’t affordable or practicle. 

Post # 10
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee

j_jaye :  I actually agree with this. It sounds like you have been financially irresponsible (correct me if I’m wrong) and now they see you blowing money you can’t really afford on a party. 

Post # 11
Member
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

I have to agree that unless you are living independently and paying all of your own bills, you are inviting judgement – especially from the people helping to support you. I can understand their point: it appears you were financially irresponsible enough to get yourself into debt and wanted to save money by living at home. Now you want to spend $30K on a one-day party? Yeah, I can see why they might see you as overall irresponsible.

Post # 12
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee

I understand her frustration after you move in with them to save money but then splash the cash on a wedding.

Btw, the amounts you stated actually come closer to $40,000.00.
Where is that extra money going? If you’re not planning on using it all for the wedding but that’s what it was gifted for, I’d give it back and avoid the headache.

Post # 13
Member
27 posts
Newbee

If your fiancé has been saving for years, would he be able to help you pay off your loans/live on your own so you won’t have to rely on your parents?

Post # 14
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee

j_jaye :  

yes 100% . And $30, 000, (or possibly $40,000)! and still not happy . Good grief!!!!

Post # 15
Member
2136 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with your mom.. It sounds like you can’t afford a 30.000 dollar wedding if you’re living at home to pay off debt. Doesn’t sound like a wise choice. 

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