Post # 1
Fi spent months and thousands of dollars making part of our basement into a recording studio. He’s got drums, guitars, basses, and tons of recording stuff down there and it’s his acknowledged man-cave.
My issue is that he gets started on these little projects and spends hours in there until he finishes them. I can hear him playing the music and mixing it… it’s not like he’s doing something else down there, it’s just so frustrating sometimes! I feel like lately, we come home, eat dinner together, then he disappears until bedtime.
Anyone else have this issue? What do you do to feel better about man-cave disappearing acts?
Post # 3
Right now the ‘man cave’ is actually my ‘craft cave’, since the room for the ‘man cave’ is not finished. He goes in there and is on the computer for hours and if I go in there for something, I have to endure him watching loud movies and playing a game. Makes me crazy b/c when we moved, I picked out the paint and furniture for that room and it has all my fun stuff in there! Plus he leaves his paper piles all over the place and it makes me crazy!
I bet in a few months, after the excitement of having an actual recording studio/man cave wears off, he will be in there less. Fiance gets wrapped up in new gadgets and things and then after a while, it’s like they never existed. That would make me batty, though.
Post # 4
Darling Husband and I spend a lot of time seperately. He uually hangs out in his man cave or I am in our bedroom (where I go to relax). We have a date day on Tuesday where we usually do our grocery hopping and errands as well as cook together, go to a movie, have some drinks, etc. Most nights we also pick one of our favorite TV shows to watch together and then we go our seperate ways and do our own thing.
I would talk to him about spending more time together doing mutual activities. Its not that you want to take away his freedom or interests, you just want more bonding time. Figure out if you are comfortable with larger amounts of time every other day or something, or if you want smaller amounts of time every night after dinner or berfore bed. Then communicate your desire to him.
Also, do you have hobbies or something you can do while he is down in his mancave? I used to go to the gym when I was a little bit more fit, now I ususally spend the time reading or playing on WB.
Post # 5
I agree with soyjoy222 – give it some time.
But if it’s becoming a big problem and you are feeling hurt, you should talk to him about it. Maybe designate a couple of nights a week for alone time? You could sign up for a class or go out to meet girlfriends or work on your own hobbies. Fiance doesn’t have a man cave, but he likes to just sit and watch TV or play computer games for hours. And it’s important to have that time to himself. But he should be around the house to help with cleaning and just spend time with you.
Post # 6
@soyjoy222: He’s had the cave for about 8 months now. 🙁 It’s actually gotten worse.
@MissTatas: These are all really great suggestions; thank you! I like the idea of getting back into a hobby of my own. It’s funny, I guess I do work on little DIY wedding projects when he’s down there, and I like the idea of going for a walk or working out.
Post # 8
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: woah. That’s crazy! It might be time to talk to him about it. You probably already have, haha. Maybe work out a deal that 2 worknights a week you do things together and then on weekends he spends time with you? That’s a tough one. When I complain to Fiance about the man cave stuff, he gets really offended. And then usually comes out to see me.
Post # 9
@soyjoy222: We had a few weeks where we watched a movie every night before bed, and that got a little tedious too… lately, he’s working on re-recording songs he wrote in college. I like the idea of doing something together a couple of nights a week. Maybe I’ll pick restaurants I want to go to and make him take me for dinner. No cooking plus date night, score!
Post # 10
We have a “man cave” but its kind of a second living room that is just decorated to my husband’s tastes (rock music and sports) and with lots of gaming equipment vs. a hobby-specific room. Honestly at this point its become the area we spend the most time in together because its super comfy and has a massive tv 🙂 but thats really neither here nor there. The real issue here is the amount of time he chooses to spend home, but away from you.
For us… our time together is kind of random. We’ll go a few weeks hanging out together every night and then for a week we’ll mostly be separate after dinner with him downstairs watching sports/playing games and me upstairs doing whatever. Usually if I’m missing him now I”ll just say to him “hey it feels like we haven’t seen each other enough this week how about we watch a movie together?” and he always says yes (or if if there is something mega-important on tv like his fav sports team maybe he’ll say “well tonight is bad but how about tomorrow night?”). The only time I can remember this being an issue was when we first moved in together and I felt like he would just migrate down there after dinner and I didn’t feel comfortable following him because I felt like I was infringing on his man cave… and I felt like if I asked him to come upstairs I was being naggy. After maybe 1-2 mo of this I just brought it up and told him I felt badly about the fact that we lived together but didn’t see that much of each other after dinner and he said he thought I liked my “alone time” and so he was trying to be respectful of that by going downstairs! lol. Talk about non-communication. So then he suggested that I am always welcome in the man cave any time and if he wants to watch something he knows I won’t like or play a video game he’ll just say that and then I can choose to either hang out and play on the computer/read a book or go upstairs. Basically there is 0 drama about it now because we’re both just 100% open about what we’re feeling whether that be feeling like we’re missing spending time together, or we need some time alone.
Post # 11
I can relate… Fiance plays video games for hours on end. Sometimes I tell him I miss him and he’s like “what are you talking about?” It’s like he’s not even home. I should pick up a new hobby, too, or go to the library. lol
Post # 12
hubby has a man cave – also recording equipment and about 8 guitars. about three nights per week hes holed up in there on his own but other nights he comes out after an hour or so and we hang out before bed. we also do things together every weekend (scuba) which is a “us” activity.