Post # 1
I havent asked anyone to be in the wedding yet. I have a best friend MALE who i have known for over 13 years. Fiance and I had already discussed having him as a Man of Honor, but im not sure if he would fullfill all the “Maid-of Honor duties” ie- fluff dress, help in the planning process etc… I have a female friend who i know would do an amazing job BUT i did make a packt way back when we were kids that he would be my maid of honor (i would feel guilty, even if he didnt mind, that i left him out). Now hes asking if he is still being the “man of honor” im not sure what to do. the Fi isnt to fond of the idea of having a, as he calles it “miss matched wedding party” he is 3 brothers and 1 sister (so i said she could now stand on his side) so it would be mine on my side and his on his side – ( were not traditional )
What would HE do if my FEMALE friend does most all the Maid/Matron of Honor duties? ie- fluff dress, go dress shopping, help me pee on the day of the wedding (mostly girly rolls) –the more i think about it im just giving him the “MOH” title because hes been a great friend and always there – i dont think he would do acutal Maid/Matron of Honor duties.
Should i nix the idea of having him as a Maid/Matron of Honor on my side and just let him stand with the rest of the guys?
If so how do i tell him i picked someone else?
Can i have a Maid and Man of honor- if so how would that work? What would my FEMALE friend do, what would my MALE friend do as Maid/Matron of Honor duties?
Ive been reading “the Maid/Matron of Honor rolls, not obbglated but helpfull things a Maid/Matron of Honor can/should do” I dont want anyone to think im slaving my wedding parrty around but the little helpfull things that a Maid/Matron of Honor standing next me to fluff my dress, help me pee, pick dresses, help plan parties ect… my Male friend i dont think would fluff or care to much about party planning so im not sure what to do.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@PrettyInWhite: Didn’t I see this earlier?
Regardless, I still think it’s a great idea to have MAN of Honor and MAID of Honor.
My MAN went dress shopping with us becauase I value his opinion, but he did not help with or attend the bachelorette party or bridal shower. He got ready with us in the morning and stood on my side during the ceremony.
I think your friend of 13 years would be very upset if you decided you didn’t want him standing up with you after your promise.
All this over gender?!
Post # 4
@mchitt329: yes i did poast this earlier but i didnt think i wrote everything i was feeling about it, and didnt think anyone would read the new update twards the bottom of the post. Thanks for answering my question
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
You are so over thinking this. Pick the people who you want to have standing beside you as you say your wedding vows. They should be the people who you know will be there to share your marriage joys and support you during tough times in your marriage. These are the people who will hold you accountable for the vows that you made. Seriously, why does it matter who fluffs your dress or helps you pee? If that’s what you are thinking about, then you are totally missing the point of what your wedding truly means.
Post # 6
@PrettyInWhite: I was having a “man” of honor and a maid of honor. My male friend I have known for over 10 years and my female friend I have known for over 20 years. I wasn’t going to have my ManOH do anything. Just show up to a few important events like our formal engagement party, rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Maybe help with a few decoration/ wedding questions I have. And have my Maid/Matron of Honor do all the girly stuff with me.
I had an informal engagement party at my FI’s job at a bar/club hole in the wall place. I told my ManOH he didn’t have to show up to anything that had to do with “clubbing” because he doesn’t drink and that’s not his scene, so understood he might not feel comfortable and he has a wife and new baby. I was going to pick up my Maid/Matron of Honor that night and she’s no where to be found. The time of the party I get a txt that she’s too drunk to go and she’s an hour away. After that day no apology, no call at all and it’s been about 3 weeks now. But guess what? My ManOH surprised me and showed up to support me.
So in my opinion, don’t choose someone because they’ll make a “good” Maid/Matron of Honor, duties wise. Choose the person you want standing next to you for moral support and because they been there for you throughout your life. I’m sure your female friend will help even if she’s not the Maid/Matron of Honor. My girl-friends still offer to help me even though they aren’t apart of my wedding. oh and btw, my female Maid/Matron of Honor is out and not invited to my wedding either. So I’ll just be having my ManOH and no bridesmaids.
Post # 7
I agree with others that you should choose the people you most want to have standing next to you during your ceremony because they are special to you and you wish to honor them by asking them to take part. I’m having a best man (my brother) instead of a Maid/Matron of Honor, and all the “female” duties have been or will be taken on by others. For example, I went dress shopping with mom; I’ll be assisted with wedding “getting ready” by mom, sister-in-law and niece; and at the ceremony my mom or niece (junior bridesmaid) can help with any dress fluffing or bouquet holding.
But I’d also suggest making sure your fiance is on board with your decision and, if he’s not happy about it, see if you can find another way to honor and include your male friend that will be meaningful/special to the friend but that your fiance can live with.
Post # 8
Thank you all so much! I only asked a few in my family what they thought and they all threw the idea under the bus being so “taboo” as they say. I just want my people with me and his people with him, gender should not play a roll on where you stand i like the idea of mis-matched sides. Now I just need a way to ask both of them to be my MoH’s 🙂 Should i ask one at a time or both?…….. What do you think? My male friends new Fi does not really like the idea of us both going out to dinner together or what not, so im not sure how to have a private talk with them to ask them to ask to be my MoH’s…Ideas???