Post # 1
I have a wonderful manager who I absolutely adore and I am so excited that her and her husband are doing IVF because they are both in their early 40’s, have struggled for years with infertility and will be wonderful parents.
She’s going in for her transplant next week and has decided to take a month off to relax and take some personal time to adjust. Everyone at my work is very supportive and excited for her.
Darling Husband and I are hoping to start TTC in May, which means that if everything goes according to plan (which I know there are many, many variables that would make it not the case), we will hopefully have overlapping pregnancies at least for a little bit and may be taking maternity leave within a few months of eachother.
If this is the case, I feel that our management may frown on me getting pregnant when I knew that she was getting IVF. Our industry requires travel and long hours, and it is expected that we pick up the extra trips and projects when someone is pregnant or has a young family. She has been trying to get pregnant for so long and everyone’s feeling is that she “deserves” this, which she does. I’m turning 30, have been married for 2 years and I am afraid that my co-workers feel that I’m being selfish for planning a pregnancy so close to hers and not putting it off so I can be supportive of her.
While i know that Darling Husband and I shouldn’t put our lives on hold, I know that there will be some disappointment and “sideways glances” if I turn up pregnant shortly after my manager. They would most likely need to hire another person for a while to cover for both of us, and I feel that they may resent me for this.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Was it as awkward as I’m expecting it to be?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Even if you got pregnant right away, which unfortunately it usually takes at least a few months with no health problems, then you will still be okay to work when she goes on maternity leave. I wouldn’t put your ttc on hold based on someone else because who know what could happen and if it takes you and Darling Husband a while to get pregnant you will regret waiting so long because of someone’s schedule.
Post # 4
This may be a non issue if it takes longer than expected for either of you to get pregnant. I can’t say this is the right thing to do but, in your place, I would prob. wait to see if/when she will be out and try to adoiv overlapping if possible. If it means postponing more than a year, I would not be willing to do that but if it is waiting 3-6 months I think I would just want to avoid potential grief from other colleagues or bosses. I know this is not what most people will say as you of course have a right to have a baby when you want regardless of others but that’S my conflict avoiding opinion.
Post # 5
I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Starting a family has nothing to do with 1) Anyone else 2) What your coworkers think or 3) What your company might or might not like. They have absolutely no control over what choices you make and there are laws to make sure there aren’t. If you get flack, which is extremely unlikely, you could take recourse because it’s harassment. There are a lot of protections around pregnant and lactating women for exactly this reason. I think you’ll find that your employer is likely to be extremely cautious when it comes to anything relating to your pregnancy.
I also think your coworkers will probably just be happy for you. We are a small non-profit and in 2 years we’ve never had a time when someone wasn’t pregnant, on maternity leave, or lactating. HR depts. figure this stuff out and you don’t need to worry about it.
Post # 6
Honestly, I wouldn’t put another thought towards this. I couldn’t care less what my work will think when I get pregnant, and I wouldn’t care if the entire staff was having IVF treatments at the same time (that sounded wrong – I would care, it just wouldn’t affect my personal plans).
I agree with your Darling Husband about not putting your lives on hold! One woman’s choices and situation should not affect yours.
Post # 7
I find it really interesting that your boss is automatically taking a month off after her first transfer. One of my friends is going through IVF, and it’s not magical- it can take awhile, ESPECIALLY since she’s doing IVF for infertility. It can take several rounds of transfers. I think it’s very selfish of her to take a whole month off when she’s not even pregnant yet, particularly since it sounds like your office is pretty small. Whether or not that embryo attaches will not be affected by whether or not she is at work or at home laying on the couch watching soap operas.
But anyway, I would go forth with your own personal family planning, and if you’re preganant at the same time, due at the same time, whatever- your company and your boss will figure it out. Life will go on. Like PP said before, if they say ANYTHING negative to you, you have a right to go to your HR and report that you are being harassed. They certainly can’t fire you for getting pregnant and not timing it “correctly” in your eyes. And you “deserve” a baby just as much as your boss does!