Manipulative MIL/How to handle together. Advice?!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Unless DH wants to do something, which wasn’t clear from your post, there’s not much you can do.

I would be taking their key back as clearly she cannot be trusted to not steal from you.

What are some things you want to enact as boundaries?

Post # 3
Member
5012 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Jw1724:  I would change the locks and ask them again to please not enter. Find another trustworthy friend to hold extra keys for you in case of emergency, or have a hiding spot that you could tell them if there was a true emergency and they needed to get in.

It sounds like a lot of her craziness surrounds the wedding. Now that it is over…hopefully it will calm down. When you start having kids, thats when your husband will really need to step in and set some boundaries!

Post # 6
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

I was thinking of the stealing, not in terms of the photographer, but in terms of taking items she knew you were planning on selling.  Though obviously the photographer stuff is loco.

I would possibly (if hubby was on board) as her to pay you what you could have hoped to sell them for, since she has stolen that opportunity from you.  She should make you whole again.

 

Post # 7
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

How did your mother in law even have your photographer’s email address?  I suggest tightening up on the flow of information since she has boundary issues.

Post # 8
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Jw1724:  The worst way to deal with passive-aggression is more of the same. Why would you wait to see if she does it again? You want to nip it in the bud? Be calm, be direct, be firm. Change your locks. It costs like 40$ and is very easy. 

Beyond that, when she’s manipulative, dont let her trap or distract you in the silly details. “I’m not going to argue with you, and I’m telling you to stop XYZ”. It’s honestly like dealing with a backpedaling child. Don’t get emotional either. Manipulative people feed off the emotional outburst and need your bad behavior to justify their own. Dont feed into it!

 

 

Post # 11
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

Change your locks and do not give her the keys.  Don’t give her any information she doesn’t absolutely need to know.  She has lost the priviledge to be included in your lives like that because she over stepped boundaries many times.

Post # 12
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

The next time you go on vacation, leave a bunch of S&M/bondage stuff lying around the house. Maybe a big ol’ light-up dildo or two. Maybe then she’ll be too embarrassed to come in unannounced. 

Post # 14
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

If your DH won’t see or acknowledge the problem then there isn’t really anything you can do about it.  His mother should be dealt with by him.  If you do it, he will have to choose and that never ends well. 

Good luck.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

omg i could not handle a maiipulative MIL. Mine is bad enough as is just a little crabby/stubborn/ignores me. which is ok by me as long as she doesnt do anything to ruin my day!!

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