- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
We got married on May 17. I am pretty confident in saying that almost all of our arguments surround his mother. She is manipulative beyond anything I’ve ever seen before.
Well, wedding was amazing… best day ever. We then left for a week in Jamaica.
One thing that bothered me about a year ago was when we were away for a long weekend. MIL and FIL went in our home without telling us. Not to do anything necessarily, just went in. I asked (calmly) that in the future they ask before entering our home. They do have keys in cases of emergencies etc but I understand things come up and they may have a reason to go into the house.
Well… the night we come home from the honeymoon, we find out they once again entered our home while we were gone without telling us. MIL did have the ability to ask as we had wifi, and she did send us messages almost every day of our honeymoon. She was our travel agent as well. This time, they came in and did our dishes, left salad and put wedding flowers all over our downstairs. Okay, great, they came in to do nice things… but it’s still not okay with me! I feel disrespected. This is not their home. DH doesn’t think this is a big deal.
THEN… that night, I get an email from my photographer. He received an email from my MIL saying how unhappy she was that he missed a photo she wanted and “he took precious memories from her.” The photographer is my FRIEND, and I paid for it. MIL never had any part in the photographer. This made me FUMING. The first day home from our honeymoon and this is what happens. Photog said “I wish she had said something at the wedding- I could have made it right then.” I agreed, told him we are very happy with his work (we are) and to please not respond to her.
Next day, DH calls her to talk about all of this. She has him on the phone for an hour justifying everything and making HIM feel like crap. We did not receive a single apology, just justifications.
1) I emailed the photog because you were away and I didn’t want to stress you out. (Umm why did this need the happen while we were gone, why wasn’t it discussed with us, and WHO do you think you are doing that?!)
2) We came into your house to surprise you with nice things- I thought you’d be happy! (We have asked you to not do this in the past and you did it again…)
3) I emailed the photog because he’s a professional and should credit you and also keep this in mind for the future jobs. (He’s #1 in the state. I’m not asking for a credit because you are unhappy. She wanted a photo of her entire side of the family… which we did not request!)
Also found out she gave away a bunch of my stuff from the wedding which I planned to sell (and she knew this).
A bunch of our professional family portraits have her with her head on DH’s shoulder like a lost puppy.
I just know we need boundaries and FAST. I had a long talk with DH and he’s a bit brainwashed. He still feels like the “child” and mom is superior to him. He’s afraid of hurting her, etc. We discussed how we are ADULTS and on even playing fields and that she needs to respect our relationship and our home.
Does anyone have advice on how to handle this best the next time she does something? It’s guaranteed to happen. I’m terrified to ever have children with this woman around. I’ve seen how to acts toward’s BIL and his wife and their kids.