Post # 1
DH and I were just ogling our apartment floorplan again (we move this weekend) and somehow me talking about our fireplace made his brain jump to Christmas.
He commented “Awww… we’ll actually get to spend Christmas together this year”.
And then I asked “Are we going to spend Christmas morning in our apartment this year?” and honestly, he said he didn’t know.
Here’s the deal:
Our parents live in the same town, but our system thus far has been to spend Christmas Eve together with his mom, the night at our respective childhood homes, do morning with our fams, and then he comes over for dinner on Christmas day. Then we drive OOT to his dad’s house Christmas night and spend the day after with them.
The system has worked pretty well, except now we’re married….. so, I don’t know what to do…
I hate to give one family preferential treatment… they all have valid reasons for wanting us there. His mom because she’s single and he’s her only child, my parents b/c all the kids have moved out…
Also, our system kind of gets buggered up because we live an hour-ish away from our hometown… not terrible, but if we *did* stay at our apartment, then we would either have to shift around our Christmas Eve tradition, or drive back and forth multiple times.
So, I just thought I would hop on over the The Bee and see what all you ladies think, and how you handled your traditions.
Did you follow old traditions? Did you create new ones?
Post # 3
why not do christmas eve at one parent’s house and christmas day at the other and invite the other parents over. Since you live in the same city and it sounds like you have small families, this sounds like a perfect solution.
Post # 4
We’re kinda still trying to figure this one out… We live 8+ hours from family, but we’re from the same city. Before we were engaged, he’d come over for a little while on xmas eve, then go to church w/ his family. We’d go our separate ways on xmas, and we’d do gifts at his house the day after.
This past year we decided to stay together rather than separate. I told DH I didn’t really care if we did xmas or xmas eve w/ my family… So we did eve w/ my fam (an hour away @ my sister’s), spent the night at his house and did xmas day at his parents’ house.
It worked out pretty well, but it’s not set in stone… We’ll probably talk about it when it gets closer to see what we’ll do this year.
When we have kids, I would love to wake up at our own house and have people come to us… but that’s hard when u live far away. So, we’ll see. Any other bees living far from home and trying to figure out the holidays??
Post # 5
@Meowkers: Actually, I have a huge family, but they don’t stay for Christmas morning anymore…. they just come for dinner.
Basic rundown of events:
1. Prior to Christmas, we have a get together with MIL’s family before grandparents leave for FL.
2. Christmas Eve: Spent with MIL
3. Christmas Night: Spent with my parents, 4 siblings, their spouses, and all my nieces and nephews (over 20 people total)
4. Day After Christmas: Spent with FIL, Step-MIL, SIL and BIL, as well as aunts/uncles/cousins.
SO, it’s really just Christmas morning that we’re dealing with, but that’s been such a big deal for all our families, and this would be the first year his mom or my parents would have to be alone for it… so I feel guilty either way!
Post # 6
our christmas tradition now is we are no longer available to everyone and his dog because they are “have to” obligations
we had to go to my sisters christmas eve because she no longer speaks to our mom, we had to go to my moms (with brother and his family) christmas morning and then had to go to his moms (more brothers and families) christmas lunch – now we throw a dart at a world map and pick a country and go there and not return until new year
we’re selfish bastards and refuse to feel guilty
Post # 7
@eloping: Oh man! Good for you, girlie! I wish I didn’t care so much what people thought 😀
You sound like my oldest sister… she has such a rough time with Christmas’s b/c of her kids. She has our family, her daughter’s dad’s family, her husbands grandma, and her husbands dad’s family to deal with…. and 2 of those are on Christmas day, so she’s always leaving one early and getting to the other late….
Post # 8
@tinylittlebird: i dont know how my brother does it, he has visit his wifes mom/stepdad and then her bio dad as well – i think its unfair to the kids as they dont get to relax and enjoy their christmas day with all the moving
Post # 9
@eloping: Yeah, they do “Christmas Morning” with the kids on Christmas Eve morning. She just told the kids when they were little that she and Santa had an agreement for him to come early 🙂 Now they’re old enough that they don’t really care.
Post # 10
Not sure what we are going to do, but I plan to have Thanksgiving with my family this year, I don’t care if he is there or not. My whole family hasn’t been together for it in several years, that’s why. Last year, when we were engaged, we had Thanksgiving early with my family and with his family on the day of. Maybe in the future we might do it at both places, as they have Thanksgiving in the afternoon, and my family has it at night. As for xmas, not sure what we are doing, but I would also like to spend it with my own family. It’s possible I might spend the evening with him and his family and go to evening mass…then spend christmas day with my family(together or separate). I think once kids enter the picture we might spend it together and try to even it out more with both families. But right now I’d be fine spending it separately.
Post # 11
We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas with each side of the family (aka last year we did Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his, this year we’ll switch and do Thanksgiving with his and Christmas with mine). It works out great for us!
Once we have kids, we’ll have to re-evaluate since I’d love for my kids to wake up in their own beds in their own house on Christmas morning.
Post # 12
I think y’all can ultimately do what you want. But since you’re married, you probably should spend all the Christmas festivities together. That means that sometimes one family may not get to see you on actual Christmas day. You can rotate each year. But it’s just not realistic to make everything work. As a married couple, I would try my hardest to be with each other during holidays. Especially since life is so trudged by work and business during the year.
My parents live in a different city. My husband is already saddened that he won’t be spending every holiday with his family. But he’s still excited to spend time with my family as well! We will probably rotate holidays, and make sure to be home when all of my siblings can make it (they live all over the country). I told him if he couldn’t make it when my siblings could, I’m going without him because I wouldn’t see them otherwise. Plus, we live 10 minutes away from his parents AND siblings… so yea.
Post # 13
We’re still figuring this out, but the main plan of attack is:
Thanksgiving: brunch with my parents and dinner with his immediate family. Or split between two nights (Thursday and Friday)
Christmas: Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas day with his.
Then his mom and dad’s sides of the family still do things for the holidays and our plan for those is we do one family on Thanksgiving and one on Christmas (we started this last year after the wedding).
Everyone lives within an hour of our home, so it’s hard to say “no, we can’t make it”. And my sibling lives out of state, and two of his siblings are out of state, so the holidays are the only time we really see them.
But, I told him that when we have kids, things are going to change because I’m not all about bundling a kid up and hauling them all over the place. I’d want to start our own traditions. We’re just taking baby steps to getting there.
Post # 14
We really struggled with this last year.
I tried to create a new tradition, and my extended family balked – so, we ended up creating a new plan. I have a feeling this is how it will generally work this year.
Thanksgiving: at my sister’s house w/ my family.
Christmas Eve: my family at my mom’s house
Christmas Day: DH’s family at our house
NYE: our own thing
The holiday’s created SO MUCH stress for us – that even though we thought we were communicating with everyone, I had no idea how the expectations of other family members (who perhaps weren’t thinking as much about this) would play into it.
The one piece of advise I have for everyone is make sure that you communicate your plans with the hosts of whatever holiday traditions you usually participate in.