Post # 1
Bees I need some encouragement. I love my husband with all my heart but the last few weeks have been very rough. Our daughter is 7 weeks old, I work from home and he works out of the home. I have been working, prepping for a licensure test, taking care of the baby, exclusively pumping, and doing 70% of the house work. Because I pump I also do all the night feedings. I have been very resentful regarding my husband. His job has been very busy so he thinks he can come home and we split everything 50/50 but I think he wants me to still do more. I think he should help out more, and he is missing out on some bonding with her, so I have been giving him wicked attitude.
Last night we had a long discussion about what he can do to help more and we agreed he would wash the bottles before work. This morning he already forgot! He had a big meeting today, but I still called to let him know I was dissapointed, he said I was in the wrong for putting him on a guilt trip when he has a big day and there were more important things on his mind.
I just don’t know how to move pass this and would love to hear tips on how to manage the division of duties with babies.
Post # 3
sorry probably should have been put in babies board
Post # 4
This kind of sounds like what my cousin went through. She actually quit her job to stay at home and be a house wife. Somehow that translated in her husband’s brain as he wouldn’t have to do any housework, cooking, or taking care of children because she was home to do it.
Maybe because you work from home he has this idea that you don’t really work. It may be sub-concious. My cousin ended up going to martial counseling with her husband. He needed a third party to tell him he was being unreasonable and to talk about the things he had to do as a husband.
If you have reached a point where you need something from your husband and his basic response is his job is too important to be a good husband/father then I would go to marriage counseling.
Having a baby is a big adjustment, maybe there are other issues too, and counseling can help you figure it out.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Needless to say, a new baby is the biggest adjustment you’ll ever have to make in your life with your husband. You’re both exhausted, and you even more than him (I’m a mom, I’m on your side, lol!). I would have been very upset if my Darling Husband told me that whatever he was doing at work was more important than washing the bottles, thus taking care of you and his baby…
At first, with my Darling Husband, we were arguing over things only to realise that we were saying the same thing but were too tired to understand what the other was saying or to come up with a good solution…
I think you might be taking on too much at the same time and that for your own good you should make a list of what you absolutely have to do (feed baby, pump, eat, sleep, work), what can wait (some of the housework) and what can be delegated.
Then you sit with your Darling Husband and separate the tasks… And do NOT do tasks that are his if he doesn’t do it. Don’t tell him he didn’t do it. Let it sit. When you need something (ex: clean bottles), tell him you need a bottle but there is none.. Won’t be long before he settles in the new routine.
Is there anyone that can help you? We had our families cook large portions of meals that we could freeze and simply reheat, so we didn’t have to do groceries, cook and had significantly less dishes. Also, would it be a possibility to hire someone for cleaning the house?
I mean, what you’re going through is totally normal, and your baby is still very young.. I guarantee it gets better if you and your Darling Husband work together to lessen the charge that falls on you.
Post # 6
@mommytobee: thanks so much! We do lists and delegate for big things, like when we are having people over and we can delegate that just fine, but somehow it doesn’t translate to doing the everyday stuff. I guess I’m most frustrated because we talked about him cleaning the bottles yesterday, and he told me he adjusted his alarm and everything to do them then he forgets! ugh!!
@JaneDomani: Thanks, he knows I have more opportunity to get stuff done because I am at home. I am half the problem because I get very stressed with clutter so waiting to clean just stresses me out… maybe counseling would help but we tend to communicate well it just the follow through I hate to put the blame all on him, its just been a long time since we have been struggling in our relationship like this…..
Post # 7
@carriejuly: Ohh that is a situation i’m not good in. My husband doesn’t want kids because he’s afraid of how much our life will change, any way i know he’s super busy at work and loves his job and this will make him give up on some habbits. I think you should really tell him the family is also as important as hij job is and you can’t make everything alone. you can ask help from your family, invite your mother for a while. i don’t know, at least try.
Post # 8
@JaneDomani: If you have reached a point where you need something from your husband and his basic response is his job is too important to be a good husband/father then I would go to marriage counseling. +1!
@carriejuly: I think you need to give yourself & Darling Husband some grace regarding struggling in your relationship. 7 weeks is still brand new & adjusting to this life change. Also, getting less sleep makes things so much more stressful! I like the delegating tasks idea. We do it & it’s working well.
DS is 7 weeks & I rely heavily on Darling Husband, even though he works busy days & I’m not working at all right now. but Darling Husband is part of the family & he’s got to pitch in, even when he’s tired from work (heck you’re tired from keeping a human alive all day!) Sometimes Darling Husband is like, “why isn’t this done?” and I say “I did my best today. if its so important to you, youll need do it yourself”.
Just remember that he’s adjusting too and keep your discussions coming from a place of love. You’ll work it out & settle in to a new normal soon enough 🙂